May 2013


June 2, 2013

“Simply put, talking about what you want will help you build the mental strength you need in order to get it. And just as importantly, by talking about your goals, you help make them real.   ” – Mel Robbins

In her great self-coaching book, Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins outlines five specific steps you can take to overcome your brain/Ego’s natural resistance to making the changes you want to make in your life. Step One was to Face the Truth. Step Two was to Admit What You Want.

 Now, it’s time for Step Three: Go Public with What You Want.  For many of us, this the scariest step.  Yet, I have seen how very effective it is to tell others about your heartfelt desires.

One of my personal Manifesting Mentors, America’s Dream Coach, Marcia Wieder, says that telling others about your dream is the #1 shortcut to making it happen.  One caveat, though: You must share your goals ONLY with people who you believe will be supportive; do NOT tell them to the known dream stealers in your life – you know who I mean!  A handful of key supporters will have great ideas and suggestions to offer (even if they point out potential pitfalls, that can be useful to help you develop a strategy to overcome them) and, invariably, at least one of them will know exactly the right person to connect you to or exactly the right resource that will help you reach your goal more quickly and easily than you might imagine possible.

Since getting her MBA, one of my clients has been open to exploring every possible avenue that could lead her to the right position in the industry she desires close to where she wants to live. Competition in her geographic area is pretty fierce, and she also was up against a legal deadline because her student visa will expire soon.

After doing a lot of inner work (including the type of detailed visualizing Mel Robbins recommended in Step Two), she truly believed it was possible to find a job that meets all her criteria. She refused to be frightened by the “helpful” graduates and career counselors who told her she must grab whatever job she can get in this market.  Instead, she told everyone she could think of exactly what type of position she was looking for – friends, professors, former colleagues, even connections she had just met on LinkedIn.

Two weeks before her visa deadline, a personal friend of hers unexpectedly called her about a new opening in his company, introduced her the decision makers, and after several interviews, she got the job. It happened simply because she had TOLD a friend what she was looking for and he was able to help her when it counted the most.

Mel Robbins says that telling at least one other person about what you want is also important for accountability.  “When you sit around and think, I should lose weight, you haven’t really changed anything.  But when you announce to the world that I am going to lose weight, you enlist the outside world in holding you to your commitment.”  Frankly, this is probably the #1 reason people hire me to coach them. Most of them already have a good idea of what they need to do, and they may even have a detailed plan for doing it.  But they know without outside accountability, they WON’T do it.  (Remember the statistic Mel reported: 88% of us don’t keep our resolutions!)

We need the help of others to do what we want and have what we want.  How many things that you do on a daily basis are a completely solo effort by you?  “The simple truth,” Mel asserts, “is that you can’t jump-start any idea without the help of other people…To accomplish anything, you must ask for help.  You may have all kinds of tools, big plans, and great ideas at your disposal, but you still need someone to help you.  You can’t do it alone.”

Don’t buy into your brain/Ego’s “Chicken” self-talk that it’s not a good idea to share your dream with someone because they might laugh at you, steal your idea or (worst of all) expect you to carry through on it!

Instead, invite someone whose opinion you respect to have a cup of coffee with you and tell her exactly what you want and why you want it.  Just don’t be shocked when she says that she knows exactly who or what can help you get it!

 Next week, we will explore Mel’s fourth step for getting into action on your dreams: Create a Map.

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

********** SPECIAL INVITATION for you and your friends!  I invite you to listen to a wonderful web radio coaching show called “What Do You Want?” hosted every Wednesday from 3:30 to 4:30 pm Pacific by life and business coach and actor Michael Tatlock at www.blogtalkradio.com/what-do-you-want. I especially hope you will tune in on June 19 when I will be Michael’s special guest to discuss how YOU can use the principles Dr. Wayne Dyer teaches in his amazing book, “Wishes Fulfilled” to make your biggest dreams a reality!  If you can’t join us live by phone or web chat to ask your questions, you can hear a replay at your convenience by clicking on the June 19 show in the archives.  (I was also Michael’s guest once before – check out the audio for Show #13 if you want to listen to our prior chat!)

What do you want for your life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 26, 2013

“Your deepest desires are the most important tools you have to help you push through resistance….Admitting what you really want is the way to harness your desires and develop momentum.” – Mel Robbins

In her effective self-coaching book, Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins outlines five steps you can take to overcome your brain/Ego’s natural resistance to making the changes you want to make in your life. Last time, we covered Step One: Face the Truth.

Now it’s time for Step Two: Admit What You Want

You may be resisting admitting what you really want for your life because it can be embarrassing or might seem impossible if you have no idea how to get there from here.  You may feel you are setting yourself up for public ridicule or great personal disappointment if you name your dream.  Also, as some of my clients have struggled with, you may not even know exactly what you want – you just know you don’t like what you have now.

Though it may seem risky, painful or confusing, Mel Robbins insists that you must begin to identify and then FOCUS on what you want if you are going to get it. “You miss an enormous number of opportunities to change your life on a daily basis because you are not focused on what you want.  You are focused on your problems and maintaining the illusion that you are fine….[When you] are focused on what you want, your brain gives its full energy to achieving that goal.” I agree with her 100% !!! Whatever we focus on expands, be it our problems or our dreams.

I also love that she recommends using visualization to transform your brain/Ego into a powerful ally for reaching your goals instead of the Chief Resistor to change. “In study after study,” she says, “ researchers have proven that when you direct your mind to think about an outcome you desire, you eventually start to believe that it is going to happen….And the more detailed an image you can cook up, the faster your resistance will disappear.”

Close your eyes and visualize how your life will be when your biggest dreams become REAL.  Imagine you have your perfect career, are making the money you desire, are easily maintaining your ideal weight, running your first marathon, writing the book you have inside you. You must engage all of your senses to SEE and FEEL yourself living the life you want.

Mel gives the same great visualization tip I learned years ago from another Master Manifestor and now coach my clients to do as well: “The technique is even more effective,” Mel reminds us, “if you take it a step further and shift from seeing yourself in the scene to actually being in the scene.”  That’s because your subconscious mind is used to seeing the real world that way – through your eyeballs —  not watching yourself from across the room.  The more realistic your visualization seems, the more your subconscious mind will believe the scenario, and then continuously guide you with ideas to make it a reality.

A great exercise Mel came up with to strengthen your belief in your dream is to write out in vivid multi-sensory detail your description of a day in the life you WANT to have: “What time would you get up?  What is the morning routine like? Write about what happens during the day.  Detail what it would belike when you arrive home from work.  Write out what the evening is like.  Put as much of it into the first person and describe what you see, feel, smell, and taste as you move through the day.  By focusing on what you want, instead of concentrating on what you have, you will be giving yourself a map to guide you in a new direction.”

And here’s Mel’s simple suggestion for those who are not yet sure of the specific goals they want pursue: Just pick ANYTHING you would like to do and BEGIN doing it!  “Getting unstuck isn’t about sitting around the house, trying to will yourself out of boredom,” she asserts. “It’s about giving yourself something to look forward to.  It doesn’t have to be some rigorously plotted ten-point plan for changing your life.  It just needs to be something fun that will shake up your day, give you something fun to anticipate, and change your perspective.”

Simply picking something NEW to explore will begin to get you out of your current rut.  Getting into action in ANY area you are interested in will fire up your imagination to generate new ideas, get you out in the world where you can meet new people and lead you to new resources.  Before you know it, you will be actively pursuing something you truly WANT enough to pursue it with gusto until you get it.

Allow yourself to STOP struggling to choose the “right” goal to pursue.  Instead, begin exploring one thing that you are interested in and trust your Inner Wisdom to guide you from there. Nike’s ad slogan is right on the money:  Just DO it!

Next week, we will discuss the third step for getting into action on your dreams: Go Public.

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

******** What do you want for YOUR life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 19, 2013

“Convincing yourself that you are fine is a great strategy for keeping yourself stuck.  Stop it.” — Mel Robbins

In her self-coaching book, Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins outlines five steps you can take to overcome your brain/Ego’s hardcore resistance to making the changes you want to make in your life. Step One: Face the Truth.

The truth, Mel Robbins says, is that we are NOT really “fine” with our current situation in one or more areas of life –weight, relationship, career, lack of creative outlets, financial situation, etc. Yet, we continue to lie to ourselves and those closest to us about how we feel in order to minimize our discomfort, boredom, loneliness and unhappiness. That is simply a technique our brain/Ego uses to keep us “safe” by maintaining the status quo no matter what.

One of the most insidious strategies your brain/Ego employs to maintain the status quo is to keep you “too busy” to think about making major changes or pursuing meaningful goals for yourself. Instead of seeking more meaningless tasks to do, more committees to volunteer for, more errands to run for others, Mel suggests you SLOW DOWN and allow yourself time to really examine the what’s-so in these seven important areas of life:

Family

Love and Sex

Spirituality

Career/Purpose

Friends/Community

Body/Health

Money

Here’s the step-by-step process she suggests you follow that will lead you to recognize the realities of your current status:

1) First, rank your level of satisfaction 1-10 in each area of life. Zero means it’s a disaster; ten means it couldn’t get any better.

2) Next, describe WHY you ranked each area the way you did. (Are you feeling blah, bored, stuck, could be better but for now it’s acceptable, or is it an area that feels really broken?)

3) Then ask yourself the $64,000 Question: WHY are you not changing in the areas that you rated low?  Are you being a “Jerk” or a “Chicken” in your mind-set about it?  [See Blog 112 if you don’t know what that means.] Are you allowing your fears or your cynicism to stop you from making a change?

4) Identify (ask the Powerful You if you aren’t sure) what would make your satisfaction increase in each area of your life. “There are things you could be doing to make yourself happier,” Mel asserts, “but you just won’t do them.  Let’s take some action.”

Here’s how she suggests you can start to get into action:

Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center.  On the left side, write at the top “What Bugs Me.”  Honestly examine each area and identify what is bugging you the most and then tell the truth about each one.  Don’t settle for “fine” anymore.

On the right side, under the heading “My Excuses,” list ALL the reasons you claim you can’t change that area of your life: “It’s too late.  I don’t know how. I don’t have the money. I’m afraid.  I’m not qualified. I’ve tried this before.”

Now take a step back and look at both sides of the page.  Mel says, “What this simple exercise does is draw out your excuses….As long as you attach more value to the right side than you to the left, resistance wins.”

Next, she challenges you to get a permanent marking pen and write THE CHICKEN AND THE JERK in big letters across all the things you wrote down as excuses.  Then hang the paper where you will see it constantly – above your desk or on the refrigerator – to make sure it stays top of mind.  “Your life is the sum of what you focus on, therefore managing where you put your attention is the key to happiness and attention….That’s why you need to put this [list] somewhere you’ll review it daily, or use this trick: Type it up and e-mail it to yourself every morning as a reminder.”

“In the past, these excuses stopped you.  Today, if you hear them coming to the surface, you will take aim and power right through,” she promises.

Congratulations! You have finally told yourself the TRUTH about exactly what in your life is NOT “fine” the way it is, regardless of what your brain/Ego says or the lame EXCUSES you have made up to now for not changing it.

Next week, you will be ready for our discussion of Mel’s second step for getting into action on your goals: Admit What You Want.

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

******** What do you want for YOUR  life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 12, 2013

“As soon as you admit to yourself that you are no longer moving in the right direction or growing in ways that challenge and fulfill you, then you have the opportunity to change.” – Mel Robbins

This blog begins a six-part look at Stop Saying You’re Fine, a wonderful book by Mel Robbins.  A former attorney, she is now a life coach, speaker and the host of her own syndicated radio show.  I appreciate her humorous, tell-it-like-it-is approach that demolishes all our excuses for not having the life we truly want.

Stop Saying You’re Fine begins by revealing the many subtle self-sabotage techniques your brain uses to try to keep you from getting what you want.  Mel explains in layman’s terms, using real-life examples, the many crafty psychological traps your brain sets to keep you stuck.

Why does it do that? Because your brain (or as we in True Purpose Coaching™ call it, your Ego) is hard-wired to resist anything that upsets the status quo in your life. Even if you are deeply unhappy with your current weight, your relationship, your job, your finances, your brain/Ego knows it’s a survivable condition, since you have been tolerating it for some time and you’re still here.  Your brain/Ego wants you to survive more than it wants you to be happy, fulfilled or successful.  “Ironically,” Mel says,“the more trapped you feel by your life, the more you’ll convince yourself it’s okay.”

Fortunately, part of you does want you to grow and reach your big dreams. Mel calls it the “Powerful You.” As soon as the Powerful You determines that you want to change your life in some way, your brain/Ego immediately begins to resist the ideas, resources, coaches, friends’ support, diet plans, internet dating sites, financial planners etc. that the Powerful You suggests to help you reach your goals. This phenomenon helps to explain why a recent study by Britain’s University of Hertfordshire found that 88 percent of us fail to keep our resolutions.

Mel claims that each of us has adopted one of two deeply-ingrained unconscious “mind-sets.” The brain/Ego uses these to skew the way you view any opportunity for change so that you will decide it’s better to remain right where you are. She calls these two mind-sets:

The Chicken – Faced with a new goal that the Powerful You wants to pursue, the brain/Ego will try to frighten you with self-talk such as, “I can’t.  I’m not ready. I’m scared.  What if I fail?  I don’t know how.  I might make a fool of myself.  People will laugh.  I’m not good enough,  What if…”

The Jerk — If your brain/Ego employs this mind-set, you will view opportunity through a stubborn, cynical filter that says, “I don’t want to.  Why me? I don’t feel like it.  It doesn’t matter anyway.  It’s his fault; he should have to fix this.  What difference is it going to make?  If only I had….I should have….”

I admit it. At times, I am definitely a Jerk!  Which one are you?

Mel sums up our approach to change this way: “You were born with resistance.  It’s an inner, evolutionary bias to take the safe bet, the sure thing, the known path….Resistance loves surfing the Web, vegging out in front of the TV, sticking to routine, not picking up the phone, hitting snooze, avoiding confrontation, making excuses, rumination, and isolation.

“Resistance will keep your life in place; the power inside you will push your life forward.  You will always feel tension between these two forces…Will the powerful you turn on and start taking action, or will you resist and wait just a little longer to get the joy, satisfaction and fulfillment you deserve?”

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

Next time, I will share with you the first of five specific steps Mel Robbins says we MUST take in order to overcome our innate resistance and pursue the positive changes that make life interesting, prosperous and fulfilling!

******** What do you want for YOUR life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 5, 2013

(Before we begin, I must acknowledge Rick Schwartz because today is our wedding anniversary (or Cinco de Champagne, as he calls it).  Sweetheart, YOU are the BEST thing in my life!  Happy 6th Anniversary!)

 “There is just one more agreement, but it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits.  The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements

Let’s start by clarifying what we mean by the word “best.”  Many of my coaching clients are High Achievers. Often, they come into coaching because they feel chronically tired, unbalanced and/or unhealthy, and unfulfilled because they never feel they are doing  enough or performing up to their extremely high standards.  In short, they are living their lives trying to be perfect, which is NOT what Don Miguel Ruiz means by  doing your “best.”

He says, “Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.  When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night.  Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, or sober as opposed to drunk.  Your best will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy or upset, angry or jealous.”

Luckily, Ruiz also promises that “As you build the habit of the four new agreements, your best will become better than it used to be.”  So, yes, you should always strive to grow and develop and improve, so that you can live a purposeful life that blesses the world with your unique gifts and talents in bigger and more effective ways.  But it is counter-productive to beat yourself up for falling short of what you (or your parents or spouse or teacher or friends) view as perfection.

Doing your best requires you to do what you love to do, not just what you think will get you an external reward.  If you only take actions that you believe will get you a paycheck or others’ approval, you won’t be doing your best.  The authentic motive for doing your best is simply to please yourself and take pride in your own accomplishments.  “Doing your best really doesn’t feel like work because you enjoy what you are doing,” Ruiz asserts. “You do your best because you want to do it, not because you have to do it, not because you are trying to please [your inner] Judge, and not because you are trying to please other people….When you are doing your best just for the pleasure of doing it, you are taking action because you enjoy the action.”

Ruiz believes that ANY task can be performed at the level of your “best” under the current circumstances.  Instead of doing it on auto-pilot, with your mind somewhere else, you can approach every daily action, big or small, as a mindful ritual that adds satisfaction and meaning to your life. So, if maintaining a healthy weight is a challenge for you, you could do your BEST to reach your target weight by preparing a nutritious meal, sitting down at the table (not a TV tray), and eating it mindfully by chewing slowly and really savoring the flavors and textures. You also could express gratitude that you are blessed to have nutritious and delicious food available to nourish you and acknowledge yourself for making the effort to prepare and enjoy it.

What about the mistakes you will inevitably make from time to time, even as you strive to do your best? Ruiz says, “When you do your best you learn to accept yourself.  But you have to be aware and learn from your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes means you practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing.  This increases your awareness.”

After my client fired me on the spot when I tried to reschedule our coaching appointment for the second week in a row, I woke up the next morning with the clear realization that he was right to do so because I was not living up to my own professional standards. I was tired that evening, but I was not incapacitated.  Truth be told, I was not giving my best effort to produce the results he needed and expected from me. As soon as that “Ah Ha” hit me, I took the BEST action I could think of: I left him a short, straightforward voice mail apologizing for not doing my best for him.

Don Miguel Ruiz sums up the Fourth Agreement this way: “The first three agreements will only work if you do your best….You don’t need to judge yourself, feel guilty, or punish yourself if you cannot keep these agreements.  If you are doing your best, you will feel good about yourself, even if you still make assumptions, still take things personally, and still are not impeccable with your word.  If you do your best always, over and over again, you will become a master of transformation.”

I believe this to be true, because immediately after I hung up the phone, my heart felt light, free and happy again. And, much to my surprise, the gentleman sent me an email right afterward, thanking me for the value that my coaching had provided him and assuring me that he held no hard feelings toward me.  That was the BEST outcome I could have asked for!

P.S. To learn more about Don Miguel Ruiz and his most recent work, go to:http://newagreementsforlife.com

Next week, we’ll begin a new topic that will help you get unstuck and moving rapidly toward manifesting your big dreams!  

 ******** What do you want for your life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************