Fear


September 17, 2017

“The moment you speak something – good or bad – you give birth to it as an idea, an expectation, a desire.  You have planted the seed that will, sooner or later, grow into the results you will reap.” – Julie David-Colan and Lee J. Colan

In last week’s blog, I described HOW I got the idea of teaching Jen Sincero’s great new book, You Are a Bad Ass at Making Money, as a summer tele-course to help my clients and their network marketing Teams (and any of my blog readers who were interested, too!) to overcome summer inertia and reach their Big Goals in record time. I shared with you that the first characteristic of a Big How is that it often comes to you out of the blue in a surprising form.

All of my clients were excited about the summer course idea and it also seemed like a perfect How for ME because I needed another income stream to get me through the tough time of year when many of my private coaching clients would “take a break” for a month or two. It was a Big How because it was clearly a Win-Win solution to the summer slump for both my clients and me!

Big How Characteristic #2:  It often starts out as a small idea, but soon, the details start to take shape and then you realize that you must then ACT on them.

UH OH! As I was speaking my summer course idea into existence and getting enthusiastic responses, my clients’ questions made me realize that there were a LOT of details that must be handled efficiently for the course to be ready in a few short weeks. I made a long To-Do list, which turned out to be just the beginning of the Big, Fat Summer Adventure that 52 participants and I were about to embark on.

Fortunately, as Jen Sincero promises, “The Universe will always send you what you need.  It wants you to succeed, to grow and blossom and shine.”

After I set the dates and began promoting “Prosperity Summer Camp” in my weekly blog, The Universe gave me one simple idea that proved to be a HUGE shortcut to success:  I phoned my friend and mentor, Leslie Zann. She is an expert trainer for the direct sales/network marketing industry whose sage advice saved me lots of time and possible mistakes regarding the number of sessions, how much to charge, how to handle the registration and payment details and what platform to use for delivery. But in order to follow Leslie’s wise counsel, I had to face the next characteristic of a Big How.

Big How Characteristic #3: FEAR!  Jen says, “Your role is to keep your mindset strong, open and ready to receive.  And to do a whole lotta stuff you’ve never done before.  Especially stuff that scares the living crap out of you and hurls you outside your comfort zone….When it comes to changing your life, if you’re not scared, you’re doing something wrong.” 

Boy, is Jen right! All of Leslie’s advice seemed fairly easy to follow except one important piece. When I told her that I planned to use my old familiar voice-only tele-seminar format, Leslie exclaimed, “Oh, no! You MUST use Zoom!” Technology, it seems, has advanced a bit since I did my last group course several years ago.  Now, most of my clients use video chatting for their Team gatherings and trainings.

Gulp!  Video conferencing was definitely outside of my wheelhouse. My Big Fears about using Zoom were two-fold:

  • I am used to looking at my notes while I speak on the phone. I asked Leslie how I could do that on video and still maintain eye contact with my audience. “Just put your notes on the desk in front of you,” she assured me. “You can glance down from time to time. No problem.”  I was not wholly convinced that I could pull that off smoothly.
  • But an even bigger concern – OK, FEAR – was that I do not generally find technology to be easy to use. I was worried that Zoom might be too complicated for me to master in a few short weeks. Leslie assured me that Zoom’s tech support is great.  She said I could ask them anything and have them walk me through it.  That turned out to be her BEST advice of all.  A couple of nice young tech reps at Zoom and I are now Besties.

Like most fears that threaten to stop us from allowing the perfect Big How to lead us to a Big Goal, mine turned out to be mere Limiting Beliefs. After a few practice sessions, I mastered all the basic Zoom controls needed to manage and record my presentations. If I had remained in my safe little tele-seminar cocoon, I am sure most of the course participants would have been bored silly.  As it was, even my private coaching clients who took the course said it was great to finally SEE me and assured me that I did fine, both with Zoom AND my eye contact.

Which brings us to the final characteristic of an effective Big How, which I learned while creating and delivering the Prosperity Summer Camp course:

Big How Characteristic #4: It is far BETTER than any answer that we would have come up with ourselves, because it makes us GROW, while getting us to our Big Goal.  The initial tiny spark that began my long journey to spending my entire summer delivering a webinar on the Law of Attraction was my sincere desire to help my clients stay on track pursuing their Big Goals AND an irresistible, burning desire to share with everyone I possibly could Jen Sincero’s amazing book that can teach them how to create the unlimited prosperity and success each of us deserves. And before I knew it, step-by-step, the Big How began to take shape.

If I had let my Limiting Beliefs and fears stop me from using the perfect delivery method that God/The Universe sent me, 52 participants and I would never have gained the invaluable knowledge and had the personal breakthroughs we all experienced.

I asked each participant to email me the outcome of the Big Goal they were trying to manifest by the end of the course.  A number said they were amazed that they actually DID reach their goals – or nearly so — in six short weeks, and that their Big Hows were as surprising and delightful as my own.

Even those who did not reach their Big Goal by August 31 said they were grateful for their major personal breakthroughs – especially in overcoming fears and Limiting Beliefs and giving up their attachment to their OWN limited hows. Yes, Jen, we DID “succeed, grow, blossom and shine!”

As it turned out, the REAL gold in our Big, Fat Summer Adventure together was the growth spurt in our BELIEF. As Jen Sincero says, “Faith is the rocket that you ride into uncharted territory to get to your wildest dreams….You must believe that everything you desire really is available to you and that you possess all the tools, power, and permission to manifest it.” 

Amen, Jen! Amen.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate.  If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

When several of my coaching clients told me they were reading You Are a Bad Ass at Making Money by Jen Sincero and vowed that it was EVEN better than her fabulous You Are a Bad Ass, I immediately ordered a copy. I am SO glad I did!

My autographed copy arrived just in time for me to devour most of it on our long flights to and from Hawaii last month. I am urging you now: RUN, don’t walk, to get this book….IF you are interested in having more financial prosperity in your life.  In fact, if you are interested in having more of ANYTHING in your life.

Really, the only thing I can come up with that doesn’t require money is LOVE. So, if we are honest, what concerns us most is how to create more MONEY in our lives because money is the foundation for having time freedom, dream homes, beautiful cars, the best educational opportunities for our kids, creative pursuits, exciting travel adventures and the ability to fully support our favorite charities and causes.

I truly have not been so impressed with a book about the Law of Attraction (which states that “energy attracts like energy”) since The Power by Rhonda Byrne years ago.  Sincero’s new book is so clear, so easy to understand, and so damn FUNNY, I promise that you will turn the pages quickly and laugh out loud frequently, as I did — and then decide to go back and re-read it and do every exercise in the book.

I have been studying, teaching and striving to fully LIVE the formula for using the power of your mind and energy to create anything you want since I was first introduced to it via the network marketing industry in the mid-1990’s.  They didn’t call it “The Law of Attraction” back then (credit for that goes to Rhonda Byrne and The Secret), but authors have been trying to explain how to use it to make your dreams a reality for several centuries. (Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill was one of the first, and still one of the best, modern books on this topic.)

I have gotten many useful insights and ideas from these scores of books and videos by Master Manifesters over the years, which I have put into practice in my own life.  I have used The Law of Attraction to dig our family out of a deep financial hole from the Great Recession, to find the perfect car, the perfect home and the perfect husband (Yes, Rick, you ARE perfect!).  I have used it to create magical vacation experiences and to survive serious threats to our financial and physical well- being.  I know it is real and I know it works.  Reliably, every time.

I got one very useful NEW insight about the Law of Attraction from Jen Sincero’s latest book (which is filled with jaw-dropping and often funny stories of her and her coaching clients’ triumphs at creating large amounts of money when it looked like they didn’t have a prayer of doing so) about the fact that FEAR is always going to be a factor in manifesting what you want.

If you are pursuing the HOW that is going to get you the money or item you really, really want, you have to realize that you MUST experience some discomfort or even cold sweat FEAR in order to get it.  That doesn’t mean that the How contains a REAL risk to your physical well-being.  It usually indicates that your Ego is terrified that you will either fail and will then be ridiculed or devastated emotionally OR that you will succeed and be overwhelmed by your new power and responsibilities or disliked by those who are jealous of your success.

The FEAR can stop you from having your greatest desire when it is right at your fingertips.  You have to WANT it so much and BELIEVE that you are going to get it so deeply that you are willing to walk through all fear or discomfort and come out the other side.  If you are willing to face your fear and do it anyway, you have a great shot at success.

Jen is great at telling it like it is. I love that she doesn’t sugar-coat this because I know that my own Ego and my coaching clients’ Egos have threatened to sabotage us by trying to convince us that the “risk” is REAL and we should STOP NOW in our pursuit of our Big Dreams. (These fears are called “Limiting Beliefs” for a reason!)  If you follow the steps of the Law of Attraction and if your belief is stronger than your Ego’s fear, I know that it WILL work for you. Reliably, every time.

My own most recent Law of Attraction manifestation experience happened last week:  While Rick and I were out delivering his monthly newsletter to each door in his real estate “farm,” I declared to God/The Universe that, “I am creating that Rick will get at least one new real estate transaction from this newsletter.”  I really BELIEVED it and felt EXCITED to see how God/The Universe would make it happen. (Two musts for using the Law of Attraction to manifest what you want, according to Sincero’s book.)

The following day, which was Memorial Day, Rick and I entered a local restaurant and caught sight of our favorite server in the main dining room. We hadn’t seen “Marie” in quite a few months because she only works weekdays and we usually go there for brunch on Sunday. Also, we arrived at the end of the lunch rush, which was usually the time she went home, so it was a lovely surprise to see her still there. We asked to be seated in her section and Rick ran back to the car to get one of his newsletters, as Marie always likes to guess Rick’s monthly “trivia quiz” for a chance at a gift card.

At first, Marie frowned at the hostess, clearly indicating that she was about to end her shift and didn’t really want any new customers.  But when she saw it was us, she beamed and came rushing over to our table, exclaiming, “This is a sign from the Universe that you are here!”  As Rick handed her his newsletter, she told him that she has finally decided to take action on her longtime dream of selling her condo and moving to Idaho, where her retired father (and co-owner of her condo) now lives.

“I have been torn between using you or my dear friend ‘Linda’ to list my house for sale.  She and I have been friends for years, but she is new to real estate and Dad is urging me to use someone more experienced.  Now, here you are, and I take that as my sign it’s supposed to be YOU!” 

And with that, Rick secured his next client.  It was not exactly the HOW I had envisioned, but that is something Jen Sincero emphasizes we have to give up.  We can’t control HOW God/The Universe chooses to fulfill our desires.  Our job is to be CLEAR about what we want, to BELIEVE it will happen, and to take committed ACTION toward our goals– which inevitably means we have to walk through our fear and do it anyway!

So I have decided to step through one of my own big fears and declare this:  I am offering anyone who reads my blog and their friends, colleagues and loved ones the chance to attend a virtual Law of Attraction Summer Camp that I am creating for July and August.

You send your kids to summer camp to help them stay actively engaged, learn new skills, gain confidence, have fun and make new friends. Why shouldn’t we adults use our summer to do the same AND learn exactly how to manifest anything we want – especially money!

I am offering you and your friends the chance to learn exactly how to do this, as I have been doing in my own life and teaching my coaching clients to do for many years now. We will all read You Are a Bad Ass at Making Money together during the two month course, to get the wonderful foundation in Law of Attraction principles that Jen Sincero provides. During the six one-hour classes, I will teach you even MORE practical applications of her precepts.  I will share with you my very BEST tools, tips and techniques that I have used for over 20 years to “make the Law of Attraction my bitch,” as Jen Sincero would say.  I will do group coaching as part of each session AND hold at least one private phone coaching session with each participant, all included in the very affordable course fee.

The scary part for me?  For the first time ever, I am going to present via a Zoom webinar.  (Participants who don’t want to use Zoom for free can still use the telephone to access the seminar.) Tele-seminars have been my familiar, comfortable format up to now.  And learning new technology is not my strong suit….So this is uncharted territory for me.  I am both scared and excited to stretch and grow my presentation and group coaching skills to make the class as engaging and participatory as possible because I want everyone to actually REACH a Big Goal they have set by the end of the two months (whether financial or otherwise).

If you want to learn to manifest your dreams more easily – reliably, every time – I hope you will join me at a Summer Camp for your wallet!  Let’s support each other to put something at stake for the course, walk through our fears, and prove that we can each manifest a Big Goal by the end of summer 2017!

Stay tuned for more details about the course and how to register in a separate email that will come to you soon.  I hope you will forward it to others and help me spread the word to everyone you know who wants their life to be MORE fulfilling, MORE prosperous, MORE joyful and MORE fun!

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website at http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com  or toll free 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.   

 

 

 

“I have never met a single human being that has made a lifelong, meaningful change that came from shame or guilt….I have seen so much positive change that results from self-care, self-love, self-esteem and self-respect.” – Taryn Brumfitt, body-image activist

If your own personal goals have nothing to do with your weight or physical shape, please don’t stop reading today’s topic.  I believe it applies to any Big Goal, and I hope it will inspire you to adopt the right mindset that will enable you to succeed at reaching your own goals, be they health, financial, career, creative, romantic – whatever is most important to you.

My wonderful husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary on May 5th – Cinco de Champagne, as Rick likes to call it.  We want to celebrate in style, so we are going to Hawaii for eight days and nights.  We have both been before, but never as a couple.

The first four nights, including our anniversary, will be spent on Oahu at the Aulani, a Disney resort I have dreamed of since it was built several years ago.  (If you are a regular reader of this blog you know that Rick and I love all things Disney, AND the resort itself is fabulous.)  The second four days/nights will be spent on Kauai, the Garden Isle, which is the loveliest of the Hawaiian Islands.

When New Year’s Day 2017 rolled around, we already had our reservations and all the details taken care of.  The only thing I wasn’t looking forward to was getting into my bathing suit.  Yeah.  The usual Holiday weight gain had piled on top of the Holiday weight from the year before and the year before that.  I was feeling pretty resigned about it, to tell you the truth.  I just tried to avoid full length mirrors as much as possible.

My husband thinks I’m hot, no matter what.  So my self-esteem wasn’t really suffering.  But I didn’t feel good in my clothes, and I knew my energy level had taken a nose dive.

I have struggled with trying to lose 10 or 15 pounds just about all my life.  I had some success with keeping it off for a few years, but whenever I hit a rough patch in life, I often turned to food for comfort and stress relief.  During the Great Recession and its aftermath, I pretty much gave in to the chips and cookies for good.

When I thought back to our wedding 10 years ago, I remembered how proud and happy I felt that day about everything – the event itself, finding the Man of My Dreams, and working my butt off (literally) to fit into my wedding dress!

Fittingly, I found my one-of-a-kind Dress of My Dreams on sale on a solo trip I took to Hawaii to attend a workshop about six months before our wedding.  It was exactly what I wanted, but it was a size smaller than I was at the time.  So, I took on the project like my life depended on it.  I hired a personal trainer, worked out consistently, ate carefully and voila! A critical short-term Big Goal got me to my ideal weight for the dress.  (OK, Spanx helped a little, too!)

This January, facing a similar Big Goal of fitting into my bathing suit again and not feeling old and tired on my second honeymoon, I wondered, “How can I find some of that drive and commitment that carried me to my Big Goal 10 years ago?” I was just not feeling I had it in me to do it again.

That’s when I had two key insights about what was REALLY holding me back from finally achieving a healthy weight that I could maintain permanently.   

First, with my wedding dress Big Goal, I had to admit that what truly motivated me then was FEAR.  I was terrified of risking public humiliation by having to buy another dress, after showing off my Dream Dress to my closest friends, who were also my Bridesmaids! This time, I definitely wanted to look good for Rick and to feel good in my own body, but I didn’t have the same compelling OUTER-directed fear of “What will others think if I fail?” about looking good on the beach!

I realized that what Taryn says in her quote is absolutely true.  I was able to make a short-term change for the wedding, but when that temporary goal was reached, I began to undo it almost immediately.  I ate and drank like there was no tomorrow at our reception and fell so far off the wagon that within a month, I had regained 10 pounds, which kept compounding over the next ten years.

TAKE-AWAY #1: If you want long-term success, you need a substantial, POSITIVE “Why” for pursuing your Big Goal.

My second insight was that I remembered my earlier journey to weight loss success as being really HARD.  Ten years older, I just didn’t feel physically or mentally up to “suffering” through deprivation and hard workouts for months on end. And since my temporary triumph had all come undone very quickly, my Inner Doubter kept whispering, “You know it’s just going to fall apart again! So why bother?”

That’s when I saw clearly that I had been living the last 10 years of my life out of these two powerful  Limiting Beliefs – That only FEAR can motivate me, and that I just don’t have the self-discipline to make lasting changes.

TAKE –AWAY #2:  I created a new Empowering Belief possibility for myself: Positive change can be EASY and PERMANENT.  

Very soon, the most amazing solution to my weight loss dilemma appeared.  As often happens, when you are truly ready to RECEIVE a better How, God/the Universe directs you to fulfill your desire in a way that is easier and more satisfying than anything your own Ego could come up with.

Last year, Rick was diagnosed as being on the cusp of developing Type II diabetes, which his doctor tried to treat with conventional medicine and conventional nutrition, with little success.  Rick had several relatives suffer and die from this disease and he was determined to beat it.  Unbeknownst to me, he went to a presentation by a wellness clinic that uses cutting-edge nutrition and supplements to control blood sugar and reverse the effects of Type II diabetes.  Before I knew it, he had embarked on a radical lifestyle change.

I am a lucky woman because Rick does ALL of the shopping and cooking.  He began following his new program to a T, buying only organic, drinking more water than ever before, and taking a lot of supplements. We both learned a lot of eye-opening information about common foods that have a bad effect on blood sugar, such as potatoes, rice, pasta, the mold in coffee and peanut butter and the inflammatory properties of tomatoes, dairy and some kinds of cooking oil.

As Rick stuck to a strict list of healthy fruits, salads, vegetables, chicken and seafood, I just ate whatever he prepared for dinner because I wanted to support him. It was no hardship, because the food was really delicious and we both learned to be satisfied with smaller portions. In a few weeks, I had effortlessly dropped 10 pounds.

After I realized what was happening, I decided to be a little more focused in my own habits, keeping up my daily one hour walks and cutting out desserts, except for grapes and strawberries.  The “raging” sweet tooth I had always claimed to have seemed to disappear on its own.  So much for fear and hardship!

As of today, I have lost 15 pounds and Rick has lost 23. Most importantly, his blood work is excellent and he looks and feels amazing. And, one week before our trip, I am happy to say that my bathing suit fits just fine.  In fact, I had to buy some smaller-size clothes for the trip.

Now, I am truly committed to my Big Goal of reaching and maintaining my ideal healthy weight. (Just 10 more pounds to go!)  Yes, I know that I will enjoy a few Mai Tais and some great food in Hawaii, but I have an internal knowing that I won’t fall off the wagon again because for the first time, I am doing it for the RIGHT reasons: Self-love, Self-care, Self-esteem and Self-respect!

The blog will be taking the next two Sundays off to prepare for and enjoy our trip to Hawaii.  A Cup of Caroll will return on Sunday, May 14.  Aloha!

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website at http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com  or toll free 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you — To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return.  Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you.  Truly appreciate life and you’ll find that you have more of it.” – Ralph Marston

[This slightly-edited blog first ran in 2014.  I give this incredibly powerful prosperity tip to all my Personal Success Coaching clients, and I want to share it with YOU, too!]

Feeling grateful is my habitual way of being, but that wasn’t always so.

It came from consciously following a daily practice that has greatly increased both my joy and the level of material abundance in my life. When I began it years ago, there was much more fear than gratitude inside of me.

Soon after my wonderful husband Rick and I bought our big expensive Dream Home in late 2006, the national real estate bubble burst with a vengeance.  Our home’s value plummeted by hundreds of thousands of dollars and my Realtor husband’s income evaporated overnight. At the same time, many of my clients had to quit coaching because their incomes also had been decimated by the Great Recession.

For months, I regularly woke up around 3 AM with a cold wave of fear engulfing me as I lay next to my sleeping husband thinking, “What if we lose our house?  Could we end up living in our car like the people on the evening news? Would our friends let us sleep on their couch?  What will happen to our beloved pets?”  I lay there envisioning the Worst Case Scenario in living color until the alarm clock finally went off. Then I would drag myself out of bed and try to put on a happy face for my family and my clients, but inside I was terrified.

Because of my faith and my coaching training, I knew the antidote to fear was to change my thoughts.  So I began to study every book and audio about prosperity that I could get my hands on. The consistent message coming to me from all the Master Manifesters was “Be grateful.”  That seemed like a real stretch, given our bleak circumstances and the predicted length of the Great Recession.

One day, I was watching Oprah interview Sarah Ban Brethnach, the author of Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.  Sarah recommended that the path to greater abundance started with keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal. Oprah enthusiastically endorsed the practice, saying that it had changed her life.  Well, Oprah was already one of the richest people on the planet, so that got my attention. What could possibly make her life better?

Oprah said that writing down five things she felt grateful for in a Gratitude Journal every day changed her life because it made her notice all the GOOD things in her life, big and small.  On a challenging day when she was feeling discouraged or stressed, she had to really pay attention because she knew she would have to come up with five things that she was thankful for at the end of the day!  Keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal made her aware that we are all so blessed to have a life we often take for granted.

That got me thinking about all that I was taking for granted in my own life: My loving, healthy family and pets, an abundance of material comforts like indoor plumbing, a refrigerator full of food, electricity, a microwave, washer and dryer, clean running water, etc. etc. etc. And most of all, we are blessed with personal freedoms that billions of other people don’t enjoy. I was living a modest middle-class lifestyle that would be considered royalty in most of world!

Then I understood the Prosperity Secret that Oprah knew: All I really needed in my life was more GRATITUDE for what I already have, instead of worrying about what’s lacking. We know that what we focus on expands. I was focusing on lack, so I was attracting more LACK into my life.  If I wanted to experience more PROSPERITY, I needed to focus on all the wonderful blessings I had in my life right NOW!

I started a Daily Gratitude Journal that very day. But I write down 10 things I’m thankful for each day because it’s hard to stop at five! My husband and I also began saying “grace” together before our evening meal, giving thanks to God for the specific blessings we are present to right NOW.

Slowly but surely, with a lot of Divine guidance, we began working through every single financial challenge we faced — settling five years of back taxes, discharging a bankruptcy, recovering from losing one car and two houses. Along the way, our family never missed a meal, paid a bill late or spent one night without our own roof over our heads.

Now, my husband’s real estate business is flourishing again, my coaching practice is nearly full and we are experiencing greater financial abundance and personal happiness today than the day we married nine years ago.

One of the clearest explanations of the very real power of GRATITUDE to create more good in your life is found in Felicia Blanco Searcy’s wonderful book Do Greater Things: Following in Jesus’ Footsteps. She writes: 

“…physicists have shown that there are a multitude of possibilities available to us at any given moment. All options are there at once, waiting for us to decide where we will put our focus, which then determines which possibility will manifest. 

…Gratitude opens us to the possibility that anything can happen.  It increases our capacity to entertain other options even if we can’t begin to see how they might happen.  It gives us a renewed sense of hope and brings our focus back to the possibility that things will turn out well. 

As we focus on what is good in our lives, we bring the favorable possibility out from the shadows into the light of day.  We clothe the desired choice and make it real with our thoughts and feelings.  As we focus on gratitude, or appreciation, we give God the space to bring about other possibilities that are beyond our human understanding or imaginings.” 

If you aren’t keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal, I highly recommend starting yours today. Take it from Oprah (and me), your life will never be the same!

NOTE:  If you would like your own F*R*E*E* subscription to receive A Cup of Caroll three Sundays a month, go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com then click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top and enter your name and email. This information will be kept 100% confidential and will not be given to anyone else for any other purpose.

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!) 

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule their session.

 

 

 

 

 

“In order to change your life and start living a new one that you’ve never lived before, your faith in miracles, and yourself, must be greater than your fear.” – found in You Are a Bad Ass by Jen Sincero

This is a slightly-edited blog that first ran in 2014.  I believe the message is still very timely and important to remember as you go after a Big Goal:

Have you ever found yourself wanting to do something that will bring you great rewards but you can’t seem to get motivated enough to pursue it?  You hate hearing yourself making the same old excuses, but you just can’t seem to get going.  You feel stuck for no real reason. Why is that?

Well, there IS a very real barrier between you and all that you really yearn for.  In my 11+ years of professional coaching, helping hundreds of clients reach their Big Goals, I’ve seen that any self-paralysis inevitably involves a Limiting Belief that is buried deep in their unconscious mind.

What is a “limiting” belief anyway?  Well, all beliefs are the same in one sense. A belief is not the “truth”; it is simply your personal interpretation of the facts based on your own experience or someone else’s.  A “limiting” belief is one that holds you back from taking the actions you must take to pursue your dreams.

Beliefs form when an event occurs — especially when similar events recur and you notice an apparent pattern — and the Inner Protector part of your Ego immediately tries to interpret what it means. It tries to figure out, “What caused this bad thing to happen?  What does it mean about me?  What does it mean about other people?  What rule can I make up so I don’t let this painful scenario happen to me again?”  This is a normal and important risk-minimizing defense mechanism the human psyche is hard-wired for.

For instance, you have a bad romantic breakup and your Inner Protector decides, “This relationship was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me! I am NEVER going to get involved with someone like that again!”  So months later, when you are introduced to a potentially great partner whose political opinion (or eyes or laugh or moustache) reminds you of The Heartbreaker’s, your Ego tries to protect you from re-living the same painful scenario by telling you, “This person is going to break my heart just like that other one did! I can’t let myself get burned twice –I have to run away NOW!” 

I recently coached two clients whose personal Limiting Beliefs were holding them back from taking positive actions that could help them reach their Big Goals.

The first client’s Big Goal was to have a happy marriage. He and his wife of just a few months were caught up in endless bickering over petty issues that neither of them really cared about. He couldn’t offer a rational reason for why neither could refrain from arguing, but attributed it to his wife’s “stubbornness.” When pressed, he admitted he was similarly inclined to dig in his heels when his opinion was challenged.

As we talked, he recalled that as a boy, whenever he was shown to be wrong, some of his family members would mock him and call him “stupid.” As a result, whenever he had to give in to someone else’s authority or opinion, he felt disrespected. He even lost jobs by arguing with supervisors, trying to prove himself “right.” His wife voicing her opinion that a particular TV show she wanted to watch was “better” than what he wanted to watch felt emasculating to him.  Their petty fights soon turned into bitter yelling matches.

In a last ditch effort to save their marriage, they went to family counseling. There, his wife recognized that she also had the experience of feeling put down for her opinions by her ex-husband.  Although she submitted to all his wishes just to placate him, her Ex expressed only contempt for her and eventually left her. So her Inner Protector created the unconscious Limiting Belief that whenever her new, loving husband requested anything contrary to what she wanted, she MUST stand her ground or she would lose her sense of self again and have her heart broken once more.

Once they both recognized that they were arguing with each other because of old Limiting Beliefs their Egos created in response to past relationships, they were able to let down their defenses and relate to each other as the loving, giving individuals they truly are.  They no longer yell and fight, but calmly discuss their differences of opinion and work together to create solutions.

In her first year in a successful network marketing company my second client’s team of business partners grew very quickly. But over the past year, her organization has been shrinking, along with her paycheck and dreams of eventual financial freedom for her family.  In fact, she hasn’t sponsored a new team member in over a year.  When I asked her why, she told me a year ago, her strongest business builder left for another opportunity and took most of her best people with her. Even worse, the former Teammate was a close personal friend who has now has broken off all contact with her. “It broke my heart,” she said.

The Limiting Belief stopping her from re-building her earlier success was obvious: If she sponsored another go-getter who could make her team a success, they might leave and break her heart all over again. That potential pain was just too much for her Inner Protector to allow her to risk, so she stayed mired in excuses about being too tired and not having enough hours in the day to re-start her business, although she had built it before under the exact same conditions.

But here’s the great news about beliefs: Since we make them up ourselves, we have the power to CHANGE them whenever we want!  We can simply choose a new, Empowering Belief that does not drag our past into our future. Beliefs are not “good” or “bad” — but neither are they neutral.  Every belief you create will either hold you back or empower you to pursue your Big Dreams. Your past experience cannot doom you to future defeat – only your FEAR of recreating the past can do that.

Remember, prosperity is more than money and riches.  Retired minister Rev. Margaret has a great definition: “Prosperity is living in a state of TOTAL well-being, which includes being happy, healthy and enjoying great relationships. To create true prosperity, we must let go of what no longer serves us so we can move toward the greater Good that God has waiting for us.”

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.” – Marian Wright Edelman

I sincerely hope you got a chance to read last week’s blog, which touched a chord in many of my readers. My guest columnist and fellow coach, Bob Perks, movingly shared his personal experiences with depression – his own and others’ — and offered us sound advice on how to listen to someone suffering with depression, sadness or disappointment in a way that will make a real difference for them.

I am very grateful to those who took the time to send Bob a message of thanks, forward the blog to others, purchase his wonderful book “I Wish You Enough” on Amazon.com or visit his website (www.BobPerks.com) and follow him on Facebook. To those “Earth Angels” who sent him a monetary gift of appreciation at www.PayPal.me/GiftBobPerks, know that Bob is incredibly grateful for your support and validation, as am I. (And if you didn’t take any of these steps to show your gratitude, it’s never too late!)

One of the most memorable lines in Bob’s powerful column was “Don’t be a good listener.  Be a great one.” During our coaching sessions this week, several of my clients who read Bob’s column related their own stories that validate just how powerfully GREAT listening can change a life. Here are two of my favorites:

One client told me about her elderly mother, who several months ago began sharing her home with her adult grandchildren and their two kids, plus their dogs. At first, “Nana” was very happy to have all that youthful energy swirling around her and loved helping with the after-school babysitting, which gave her a renewed sense of purpose.

But recently, my client noticed that her mother seemed uncharacteristically sad and upset. One day, Nana blurted out, “I am so unhappy.  I want to sell the house and move back to Chicago.”  My client was taken aback, but with Bob Perk’s “great listening” advice fresh in her mind, she was able to respond differently than she ordinarily might have.

Resisting the urge to point out that Nana’s idea was unworkable for many reasons, my client chose instead to be a curious, non-judgmental Active Listener. She calmly and gently questioned her mother in order to find out what was really bothering her. Nana admitted that the unaccustomed noise and activity were wearing on her.  My client acknowledged that she would feel the same way, and volunteered to talk to her adult children and remind them of the “house rules” their family had been breaking lately.  Nana seemed to brighten at that, but my client could sense there was something still deeper beneath the surface.

When my client asked what else might be on her mind, Nana confessed that she was afraid she wouldn’t have enough money to continue to live on. My client had recently helped her mother apply for a refinance of her mortgage, which should give her a nice nest egg on which she could live comfortably for many years.  But being 83, Nana didn’t quite understand the ins and outs of today’s long and complicated mortgage process, and thought something must be wrong. My client was able to reassure her that the process was going smoothly and would soon be completed and said she was confident that Nana’s finances would be in good shape for the rest of her life.

Then Nana’s energy completely shifted and my client realized that the stress and worry that she had kept under wraps must have been taking a real toll on her mother. If she had not given Nana the chance to express her fears with active, non-judgmental listening, Nana’s long-term mental and physical health might well have been affected. Today, their multi-generational household is back to normal and Nana eagerly looks forward to her great-grandkids’ return from school each day.

My second client’s story proves that simply giving a little attention and kindness to others can have a lasting impact, even if we don’t realize their true circumstances.

A high school drama teacher, she recently attended an after-party for a successful school production. Unexpectedly, two seniors got up to speak. Both these young men are among the most popular students in the school and both appear quite well-adjusted, successful and confident.

To her shock, in front of their peers, parents and faculty members, each student thanked her for turning their lives around. Both revealed that, as freshmen, they had been badly bullied and felt like outcasts. One confessed to being so despondent, he had even contemplated suicide.

These two well-liked and respected young men told my client that her class had changed their lives by making them feel understood, worthwhile and appreciated.  My client had simply done with them what she strives to do with all her students — she listened, validated and encouraged them to believe in themselves.

She told me in amazement, “Never in a million years would I have guessed what they were going through back then.  It taught me that being kind and positive really makes a difference for others.” Indeed it does!

I’d like to close by adding to Bob Perk’s words of wisdom a few of my own “best practices” for listening in a way that can make a profound difference for others:

  • Stay open: Listen without prejudgment or attachment to how YOU want the conversation to go or the outcome YOU want to see. You might be surprised to discover an EVEN better possible outcome than you imagined — if you can truly listen for it with an open mind.
  • Be an Active Listener – Pay attention. Don’t just wait for the other person to stop talking so YOU can speak. Your Inner Wisdom will give you the perfect words to say in response if you listen carefully to what they are saying all the way through to the end.
  • Ask permission before offering advice – Even a professional coach needs to distinguish whether advice is really what they want from you – or do they just need you to listen with a compassionate heart and help them to feel worthwhile, understood and validated? If you believe you have some helpful advice to impart, first ask, “Are you open to hearing my thoughts?” And then abide by their wishes.
  • Be a Connector – When I actively listen to my clients and friends, I find that I instantly recall the needs and desires they shared with me whenever a resource pops up that I recognize might help them. If you listen actively, you could become the answer to someone’s heartfelt dream by connecting them to the people and resources that can help them achieve it.

And as the Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) and The Bible both remind us, the Good you do for others inevitably will be done unto YOU, too!

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.   

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” – Tuli Kupferberg

From time to time, we all fall into self-defeating mental habits that need to be recognized and broken.  Whether it’s in the area of health, relationship, career or finances, we must periodically question our beliefs to see if we’ve developed an unconscious negative thought pattern that is sabotaging our success.

One common Limiting Belief is some variation of “It’s too late for me”: “I’m too old to go back to school and earn my degree,” “I’m too out of shape to train for a marathon,” “It’s too late to find love at my age.”

None of these beliefs is the Truth. They are just your Ego’s interpretation of events that have happened to you or things others have told you. Out of that limited information, your Ego forms a Limiting Belief  to try to protect you from emotional, mental or physical harm.  If your Ego believes the odds of success for some endeavor you are contemplating are not in your favor, it believes it is doing its job of protecting you from physical harm or personal disappointment by making you afraid to try.  If it FEELS risky to your Ego, you will likely assume the Limiting Belief  it is trying to sell you really IS the truth and throw in the towel before you have even tried.

One of my clients is currently pursuing a Big Goal she wants to reach by the end of March so she can qualify for a special trip with other Leaders in her company.  She ended February half-way to her goal of sponsoring eight active business partners, but that wasn’t where she hoped to be, and she told me honestly that she was feeling disappointed and nervous that she won’t reach her goal in time.

Still, she told me she won’t be “devastated” if she doesn’t reach her Big Goal this month, because her own Sponsor told her that “It’s OK if I don’t make it” in this time frame and win the trip.

I totally agree she should not feel “devastated” if she plays full out and doesn’t get to the finish line this month because that emotion would signal that she is “attached” to this goal, rather than being “committed” to it.  Attachment is when your Ego makes reaching the goal mean something that it really doesn’t mean – such as defining your innate value. If you do your best to reach a goal and miss the mark, it does NOT mean you are “unworthy” or a “failure.”  It may simply indicate that you needed to learn something from the experience that was more valuable than reaching the goal itself.  And it absolutely does NOT mean you won’t ever reach it.

In contrast, when you are committed to a goal, you are completely willing to take ACTION to the best of your ability, without being attached to the timing or delivery method of the final outcome. It means your Higher Self is listening for Divine guidance and not concerned with “being right” or having the “How” show up in a particular way or from a particular individual.  Your Higher Self is willing to give it everything it’s got, without the false “emotional safety” conditions that your Ego looks for before it allows you to take action.

If you are letting your Ego’s attachment to the outcome and fear of failure guide you, it’s very likely you will not take the ACTIONS that are required to reach the goal – because those ACTIONS require commitment and courage.

I suggested to my client that she has almost an entire month left to go to reach her Big Goal, and yet it sounds like she and her Sponsor have already decided that it’s “ too late” for her to succeed. I told her I have witnessed several of my clients in the same network marketing company accomplish exactly what she wants to do in just one month. I asked if she believed it was possible for HER too and she said “Yes!”  Yet, in reviewing her Action Plan for reaching her Big Goal this month, it was apparent that  her Ego has been telling her that it is already “too late,” in order to stop her from taking the very actions that could lead to her success.

On our prior weekly call, she told me about two women she thought could be great at her business and she promised to speak to them – but she didn’t.  I asked her why and she said she knew it was silly but she felt “afraid” to approach these two moms whom she sees daily at her child’s school during drop off and pick up times. Her Ego had planted some nebulous fear that something “bad” would happen to her if she asked them for 15 minutes to discuss her business opportunity and see if either of them was interested.

So we played the “What’s the worst that could happen?” mindset-investigation game.  I asked her that question and she said, “I don’t know.” Then I suggested some really BAD things that they might do to her if she approached them: They could make fun of her in front of the other parents, refuse to speak to her ever again, complain to the authorities that she was harassing them, slap her as she stood in front of the school, etc. etc. etc.  And she began to laugh….Because she saw how ludicrous it was to think that anything truly BAD could actually happen to her. Her rational mind quickly recognized that the REAL worst case scenario she might encounter from approaching these two prospective business partners was likely to be a polite “No thank you.”  I asked her if she were more committed to her Big Goal or to avoiding that possible outcome. She vowed right then to talk to her two Hot Prospects and many others as quickly as possible.

If she follows through on her promise to reach out to as many people as possible with her invitation to talk — without prejudging or fearing their response — she will be demonstrating her commitment to her Big Goal. Because the Law of Attraction says “energy attracts like energy,” it stands to reason that her rock-solid commitment will attract to her the people who are ready to say, ”YES!” right NOW.  She just has to believe that it’s NOT too late. In fact, it’s just the beginning of her ultimate success.

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for awhile, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.   

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