Potential


“You get the best efforts from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within.” – Bob Nelson

I had an extraordinary experience this past week, attending the annual “Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony” at my alma mater, Newport Harbor High School. (Go, Sailors!)

The purpose of this annual ceremony is to honor past graduates and faculty members of the renowned secondary school (founded in 1930) who have found outstanding success in their own lives and made a big difference in the lives of others.  A few of the honorees were deceased or incapacitated, and were represented by family members who spoke for and about them.

All of them are amazing citizens, leaders and teachers who have made a profound and lasting impact in a variety of fields.  The graduate honorees included two respected actors (Stuart Cooper and Ted McGinley), Greg Laurie, pastor and founder of one of the largest Christian churches in the USA, David Thompson, a respected California Court of Appeals Judge, Dr. Sandi Smith, a lauded Communications Professor at Michigan State, Marshall Duffield, inventor of the beloved little “Duffy” electric boats that now number 14,000 and counting, and Dr. Mahlon DeLong, a noted scientist whose work has bettered the lives of thousands of people suffering from neurological diseases. The latter couldn’t be with us that night because he was giving a lecture at the Harvard Medical School!

The theme that was consistently repeated by all of these accomplished, humble and witty honorees was this: Most were lucky to be called “mediocre” during their high school years.   None of them imagined they were destined for greatness.  The spark that took hold inside of them and enabled them to excel was lit when one of their teachers focused attention on them and expressed belief in them, even when they didn’t yet believe in themselves.

This stayed with me as I finished my coaching week, listening to a number of my clients complain about their family members, team members and friends not behaving the way they wanted them to – in other words, “under-performing” according to their standards.

What if, I wondered, instead of focusing on their shortcomings, my clients focused on their potential for greatness, just as the wise faculty members had focused on these honorees’ potential, even when the honorees themselves were behaving in less than stellar ways and had no clue as to the spark of greatness that lay within them?

One of my clients lamented in a text that “[My teammate] will take zero coaching/help/suggestions from me.” Meaning, I guess, that her teammate wouldn’t do what SHE wanted her to do in the way SHE wanted it done.  My client said she felt exhausted and overwhelmed with the responsibility for her growing team, and just wanted them to step up and “be Leaders.”  But her message suggested that she wasn’t really viewing them as “Leaders” who could be trusted to lead, but more like “staff” who needed to be supervised and told what to do.

Contrast her approach of trying to push someone to be their BEST with the way the late Robert Wentz, a noted actor and Newport Harbor High’s revered longtime drama teacher, chose to gently inspire someone in whom he recognized potential greatness.  Popular TV and movie actor Ted McGinley (Class of ‘76), shared how Mr. Wentz craftily lured him into taking his first taste of acting.

Mr. Wentz had asked him to try out many times, but being a “jock,” Ted thought that acting in school plays would make him a laughingstock with his teammates, and adamantly refused.  So one day, just before English class, Mr. Wentz pulled Ted aside and told him, “Here’s what we’re going to do.  I am going to pretend to bate you and disrespect you. You are going to pretend to get angry. We’re going to have a heated argument in front of the class. Then you are going to storm out of the room.  Make it real. Ok, let’s go.”

Not having a clue what it was all about, but wanting to please the teacher he loved and respected, Ted did as instructed.  A convincing mock fight ensued and Ted gave it his all to make it “real.” Finally, he stormed out of the room and waited outside. Through the door, he heard Mr. Wentz tell the stunned class to write an essay about what they had just witnessed.  “And I didn’t have to write one! I was hooked on acting from that moment,” Ted laughed.

That small incident changed the course of Ted’s life and gave millions of viewers (including me) of hit TV shows like Happy Days, Married with Children, The West Wing, and Mad Men, as well as many movies, the pleasure of watching him do what he loves for a living.

Who do YOU know who is not performing up to their capability?  Who has untapped potential for greatness that YOU can see?

What are you doing about it? Are you nagging them, criticizing them and letting them know they are falling short of YOUR expectations? Or are you encouraging them with, “I see greatness in you.  I believe in you!”

Psychological studies have proven time and again that people usually live up to or down to our expectations of them.  We have to EXPECT THE BEST if we want them to be able to bring out the best in themselves.

One graduate honoree shared a memorable quote from a favorite teacher: “Everyone on earth has a gift. They just open their gifts at different times.” 

Be patient. Hang in there with them as they struggle to find their footing. Help them pick themselves up and dust themselves off when they have a defeat. Cheer them on when they have a small victory.  Allow them to build a fire from within and share their special gift with the world whenever they are ready. Then stand back and prepare to be amazed!

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.   

“If you want to see change, if you want to see God open up new doors, the key is to bloom right where you’re planted.” – Joel Osteen

If you live east of the Mississippi, please forgive me for gloating, but Spring has officially sprung here in Southern California.  The sky is blue, the sun is warm and both my back and front yards are awash in the vivid colors of roses, azaleas, camellias and many other beautiful flowering plants.  But the plants aren’t the only things blooming now.

On April 1 (no fooling), my phone blew up with text after text from my coaching clients who had achieved their Big Goals at the end of March.  Most of them are independent consultants in the same fast-growing network marketing company.  After several months of “planting seeds” of opportunity, one was excited to have sponsored two new business partners.  Another far surpassed her personal organization’s sales volume target. And several others reached “Level 5 Leader” status — the first major step toward building a large Team of serious, successful business partners.  For one, March became the first of three consecutive months that she needs to maintain Level 5 status for her company to lease a brand new Lexus for her.

My clients didn’t achieve any of these milestones overnight or by themselves.  They had the support of their “upline” Leaders who sponsored them into the business and the consultants they personally sponsored. Everyone pulled together to make it possible, knowing the achievement of one Team member was the achievement of ALL.

Having coached them for the past several months, I knew their exciting and fulfilling accomplishments took dedication, belief and work, which reminded me of a recent daily message from Houston megachurch pastor Joel Osteen:

“If you want to see change, if you want to see God open up new doors, the key is to bloom right where you’re planted. You can’t wait until everything gets better before you decide to have a good attitude.  You have to be the best that you can be right where you are.  When you bloom where you’re planted, you’re allowing God to work in you, and He will be faithful to complete what He’s started in you!”

Each of my clients came into coaching because they had Big Goals that didn’t seem to be moving forward very quickly.  Most of them were feeling stuck, stymied  and even resentful about their inability to find people to join them in the business who were as motivated to succeed as they were.  Most of the Team members they had seemed content to just plod along, showing little ambition.

One of these clients achieved Level 5 Leader status last month , meaning she had sponsored eight serious business partners into the business and supported them in successfully selling the company’s high-end skin care products. When we began our coaching last year, she had just two partners on her Team.

Outwardly, she seemed positive and confident. But on our first coaching call, she confessed her true  feelings with surprising candor: “I am so annoyed with my Team.  Everything has rested on me.  I wish they would do more to help themselves succeed.  It’s invigorating to see my upline Leader’s Team rallying to help her win her Lexus.  I can’t see my own Team doing that for me. I don’t feel grateful for them. I want to learn to feel gratitude for my Team and for my life.”

During our first months together, I gave her a number of coaching tools to engage the Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) to help her attract business partners who were as enthusiastic and hungry for success as she is. Imagine which tool was her favorite –the Daily Gratitude Journal! Every day, she faithfully wrote in it 10 things that she was grateful for in her life right NOW.

It didn’t take long before she declared, “I am really feeling GRATEFUL!  I am so grateful for the Team I have right now – each and every one of them, no matter how hard they are working.”

That’s when things really began to shift for her. When she learned to bloom right where she was planted, her newly-positive attitude attracted those who wanted to bloom alongside her. When she stopped wishing she were living in a different garden, the garden she found herself in began to bloom more beautifully than ever before.

What kind of garden do YOU find yourself planted in right now?  Imagine what your life would be like without all the wonderful things and people you often take for granted each day:

  • Are you grateful for your job, or do you wish you had a different boss or bigger paycheck?
  • Do you feel blessed to have your partner or spouse, or do you wish he or she were more loving?
  • Are you happy with your home, or do you wish it were bigger or in a better neighborhood?
  • Do you appreciate your car that gets you where you need to go, or do you wish it were newer or flashier?
  • Are you proud of your children, or do you wish they got better grades or helped with the chores more willingly?

As Joel says, if you want your opportunities to improve, you have to be the best that you can be right where you are. Start by expressing your sincere GRATITUDE for all that you have been blessed with already.  Be grateful that you have the unlimited opportunity to better yourself and your circumstances. And then strive to do your very BEST with the resources you have been given in the garden where you are planted now.

If you want more and better, believe that you have the power to attract the right people and resources to help you.  Give your very best at the job you have each day.  Be as loving and thoughtful toward your loved ones, friends, colleagues and strangers as you would like them to be toward you.  Acknowledge the young people in your life every chance you get and watch them become their best selves.

It’s a beautiful garden you live in.  Keep planting more seeds of opportunity and watch them grow!

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching.  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached!  You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish.  (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.   

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

In my eleven years as a full-time professional Personal Success Coach, I have been fortunate to help over 500 people pursue their Big Goals. I have witnessed most of them succeed – some far beyond what they had imagined.

Still, to be honest, a small number failed to reach their goals. On this Super Bowl Sunday, when the top two teams in American football battle it out for the title of “World Champion,” I think it’s appropriate to talk about the number one reason I believe people fail to reach their dreams, in hopes it will save you from missing the opportunity to win your own Big Game.

Just like a football team, most of my clients are pursuing a Big Goal in which other people are involved. I really can’t think of anyone who is doing it completely solo. Even someone who wants to improve their health by quitting smoking, starting an exercise routine or losing weight needs help from someone else to succeed. They need the support of their friends, family or coaches, a good program to teach them success strategies, or an accountability partner to make sure they don’t quit on themselves.

For goals involving financial success, it’s 100% certain that other people will be involved. I cannot think of a single profession, creative endeavor or business that doesn’t involve someone else buying whatever you market, invent, write or create in order for you to make money. Even in a salaried position, you must enroll someone else to hire you and approve of your job performance in order to climb the corporate ladder.

Many of the 100-plus wonderful clients who came to me through word of mouth over the past three years are involved in the same dynamic network marketing company. They know without a doubt that their success depends on others. They can sell their cutting-edge skin care products to consumers pretty easily because they really work. But if they want to create a life-changing level of financial success, they must share with others the benefits of joining the company, sponsor them onto their Team, train them and mentor them in order to create a high level of mutual success.

It isn’t easy, believe me. I have a background in network marketing myself. For over seven years in the 1990s, I was a full-time independent consultant for a great company that makes high-end nutritional supplements. I still get a monthly residual check from my early efforts, but in the end, my greatest reward was not financial; it was the personal development– learning the importance of self-belief, a positive outlook and perseverance — which the network marketing/direct sales industry embraces like no other.

I was first introduced to Master Manifesters like Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Jack Canfield, Les Brown and Tony Robbins by the industry. None of them claimed success would come easy. But all of them said it was POSSIBLE for anyone to succeed, and I knew they were right. They are the reason I eventually chose to become a Personal Success Coach. That was the greatest of many gifts that network marketing gave me.

Like my role models, I never tell my own clients that winning their Big Game will be easy. But I promise them it is 100% possible — IF they don’t make the same mistake that a handful of my past clients made in pursuing their goals: They quit. I truly believe that is the single reason they failed to reach their goals. They simply gave up too soon.

The #1 success secret for ALL my successful clients is simple: They persevered. They continued believing in their dreams even when they didn’t reach them as quickly as they imagined they would. They just kept going, even when they kept hearing “NO” – from job interviewers, possible candidates for Mr. or Ms. Right, the bathroom scale, or potential customers for their products, creative expressions, compositions or manuscripts. Even when their family, spouses, kids, teachers or partners told them it “would never work,” they did it any way. When others told them “NO,” ignored them or criticized them, they persevered and they WON.

Early in my network marketing career, when our company was just opening up the new market, I was referred to a complete stranger in Canada who was a locally-famous personal trainer. The person who recommended her said she could be a Superstar if she decided she liked the products, the company and me. I believed them.

So I called this woman once every couple of weeks, always leaving a short, polite message stating I just needed 10 minutes of her time to tell her about this important opportunity. I never got one single response from her in nine months. Nevertheless, I persevered — determined to continue leaving my polite messages until she either called me back and heard me out or told me to stop calling her, no matter how long it took.

One day, out of the blue, she called me back on Canadian Thanksgiving. She apologized for not replying sooner, explaining that she trained clients in her home basement gym 10-12 hours a day six or seven days a week and this was the first day off she’d had in months. She said she decided to call me back because she appreciated that I was “politely persistent.” And that’s how we began a business partnership which ultimately gave me the second-biggest organization in all of Canada.

Success rarely comes in the form we first envisioned or the timeframe we hoped for. But it WILL come if you have a rock-solid belief in your Big Goal and if you are willing to take action and stick with it.

This is your Big Game. Imagine it is the fourth quarter and goal to go: Hang in there. Don’t quit. PERSEVERE.  

I encourage you to watch this beautiful three-minute video on Perseverance. I think you will find it inspiring and thought-provoking and I hope you will pass it on to someone who needs it too: http://www.flickspire.com/m/WalkTheTalk/Persevere

NOTE: I wish my readers in the USA a happy Valentine’s Day and President’s Day next weekend. The blog will be taking a holiday too, and will return on Sunday, February 21. 

****************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************
I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching. It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached! You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish. (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for awhile, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or 888-503-8145 to schedule their session.

“One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own.” — John O’Donohue

It’s just about that time — Back to School Time! Many of my clients are parents as well as business professionals and entrepreneurs, and they are busy getting in the last drop of summer fun with their families and preparing to send their kids back to school.

One of the most important things a good school teacher does is to encourage students to strive for excellence and to believe in themselves. Even if you don’t have school-age children, Back to School is a great time to remember that teachers play a vitally important role in ALL our lives and that we are ALL teachers. If you are a parent, you teach and encourage your own children their values, manners and sense of self-esteem – among other critical life skills – every day.

Recently, television minister Joel Osteen talked about the special role fathers play in bringing out the best in their children by giving them approval, encouragement and validation. I loved his message, and I believe it applies to ALL of us. If you are a parent, teacher, boss, mentor, sponsor, aunt, uncle, older sibling, trusted friend, life or athletic coach, you are an encourager.

Sharing your approval, validation and encouragement with your employees, children, spouse, partner and teammates gives them the courage to step out of their comfort zone to risk and achieve more than they ever would have thought possible. Even when they fail – especially when they fail – telling them you are proud of them for giving it their all and that you believe in them will give them the courage and belief to try again.

In his sermon, Joel said, “The people in your lives can’t read your thoughts – you have to speak them. They need your love, guidance, support and mentorship. They need you to teach them what you have learned, and to model excellence and integrity….All they need to excel is your blessing, your encouragement.   Give them an extra boost to excel, to rise higher, to go further, to accomplish things they never knew they were capable of.” 

And they, in turn, will duplicate all that with the important people in their lives – their families, friends, workmates and Teammates. Encouragement, approval and validation are some of the most wonderful things you could possibly pass along to the people you touch on a regular basis. That’s what professional teachers do for a living and that’s what each of us can do as well.

So here’s a simple but profound encouragement you can give your fellow teachers: Thank them.   If your child has one or more good teachers this year, go out of your way to write those professional encouragers a personal note stating how much your child loves their class and how grateful you are to have them in your child’s life. You don’t have to wait for Back to School Night! You can do this the second week of school. And even if she is not perfect, if you make the effort to acknowledge and validate a teacher for her hard work and dedication, guess what? It will encourage her to be an EVEN better teacher and role model for your child. We all thrive on encouragement and acknowledgment.

If you don’t have a child with a teacher, I urge you write a similar heartfelt Thank You” note this week to someone who has been a mentor, role model, teacher or encourager in YOUR life. Tell them how grateful you feel for their belief in you and their encouragement.   Tell them the difference they have made in your life and I promise you they will keep that note for the rest of their life.

****************** The Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to offer someone you care about a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching! It is absolutely F*R*E*E* of charge, with no obligation and no strings attached! And if YOU haven’t coached with me in awhile and would like a “tune up” session please give yourself this gift!

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make this the BEST year yet, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call toll-free 888-503-8145.

 

May 26, 2013

“Your deepest desires are the most important tools you have to help you push through resistance….Admitting what you really want is the way to harness your desires and develop momentum.” – Mel Robbins

In her effective self-coaching book, Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins outlines five steps you can take to overcome your brain/Ego’s natural resistance to making the changes you want to make in your life. Last time, we covered Step One: Face the Truth.

Now it’s time for Step Two: Admit What You Want

You may be resisting admitting what you really want for your life because it can be embarrassing or might seem impossible if you have no idea how to get there from here.  You may feel you are setting yourself up for public ridicule or great personal disappointment if you name your dream.  Also, as some of my clients have struggled with, you may not even know exactly what you want – you just know you don’t like what you have now.

Though it may seem risky, painful or confusing, Mel Robbins insists that you must begin to identify and then FOCUS on what you want if you are going to get it. “You miss an enormous number of opportunities to change your life on a daily basis because you are not focused on what you want.  You are focused on your problems and maintaining the illusion that you are fine….[When you] are focused on what you want, your brain gives its full energy to achieving that goal.” I agree with her 100% !!! Whatever we focus on expands, be it our problems or our dreams.

I also love that she recommends using visualization to transform your brain/Ego into a powerful ally for reaching your goals instead of the Chief Resistor to change. “In study after study,” she says, “ researchers have proven that when you direct your mind to think about an outcome you desire, you eventually start to believe that it is going to happen….And the more detailed an image you can cook up, the faster your resistance will disappear.”

Close your eyes and visualize how your life will be when your biggest dreams become REAL.  Imagine you have your perfect career, are making the money you desire, are easily maintaining your ideal weight, running your first marathon, writing the book you have inside you. You must engage all of your senses to SEE and FEEL yourself living the life you want.

Mel gives the same great visualization tip I learned years ago from another Master Manifestor and now coach my clients to do as well: “The technique is even more effective,” Mel reminds us, “if you take it a step further and shift from seeing yourself in the scene to actually being in the scene.”  That’s because your subconscious mind is used to seeing the real world that way – through your eyeballs —  not watching yourself from across the room.  The more realistic your visualization seems, the more your subconscious mind will believe the scenario, and then continuously guide you with ideas to make it a reality.

A great exercise Mel came up with to strengthen your belief in your dream is to write out in vivid multi-sensory detail your description of a day in the life you WANT to have: “What time would you get up?  What is the morning routine like? Write about what happens during the day.  Detail what it would belike when you arrive home from work.  Write out what the evening is like.  Put as much of it into the first person and describe what you see, feel, smell, and taste as you move through the day.  By focusing on what you want, instead of concentrating on what you have, you will be giving yourself a map to guide you in a new direction.”

And here’s Mel’s simple suggestion for those who are not yet sure of the specific goals they want pursue: Just pick ANYTHING you would like to do and BEGIN doing it!  “Getting unstuck isn’t about sitting around the house, trying to will yourself out of boredom,” she asserts. “It’s about giving yourself something to look forward to.  It doesn’t have to be some rigorously plotted ten-point plan for changing your life.  It just needs to be something fun that will shake up your day, give you something fun to anticipate, and change your perspective.”

Simply picking something NEW to explore will begin to get you out of your current rut.  Getting into action in ANY area you are interested in will fire up your imagination to generate new ideas, get you out in the world where you can meet new people and lead you to new resources.  Before you know it, you will be actively pursuing something you truly WANT enough to pursue it with gusto until you get it.

Allow yourself to STOP struggling to choose the “right” goal to pursue.  Instead, begin exploring one thing that you are interested in and trust your Inner Wisdom to guide you from there. Nike’s ad slogan is right on the money:  Just DO it!

Next week, we will discuss the third step for getting into action on your dreams: Go Public.

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

******** What do you want for YOUR life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 19, 2013

“Convincing yourself that you are fine is a great strategy for keeping yourself stuck.  Stop it.” — Mel Robbins

In her self-coaching book, Stop Saying You’re Fine, Mel Robbins outlines five steps you can take to overcome your brain/Ego’s hardcore resistance to making the changes you want to make in your life. Step One: Face the Truth.

The truth, Mel Robbins says, is that we are NOT really “fine” with our current situation in one or more areas of life –weight, relationship, career, lack of creative outlets, financial situation, etc. Yet, we continue to lie to ourselves and those closest to us about how we feel in order to minimize our discomfort, boredom, loneliness and unhappiness. That is simply a technique our brain/Ego uses to keep us “safe” by maintaining the status quo no matter what.

One of the most insidious strategies your brain/Ego employs to maintain the status quo is to keep you “too busy” to think about making major changes or pursuing meaningful goals for yourself. Instead of seeking more meaningless tasks to do, more committees to volunteer for, more errands to run for others, Mel suggests you SLOW DOWN and allow yourself time to really examine the what’s-so in these seven important areas of life:

Family

Love and Sex

Spirituality

Career/Purpose

Friends/Community

Body/Health

Money

Here’s the step-by-step process she suggests you follow that will lead you to recognize the realities of your current status:

1) First, rank your level of satisfaction 1-10 in each area of life. Zero means it’s a disaster; ten means it couldn’t get any better.

2) Next, describe WHY you ranked each area the way you did. (Are you feeling blah, bored, stuck, could be better but for now it’s acceptable, or is it an area that feels really broken?)

3) Then ask yourself the $64,000 Question: WHY are you not changing in the areas that you rated low?  Are you being a “Jerk” or a “Chicken” in your mind-set about it?  [See Blog 112 if you don’t know what that means.] Are you allowing your fears or your cynicism to stop you from making a change?

4) Identify (ask the Powerful You if you aren’t sure) what would make your satisfaction increase in each area of your life. “There are things you could be doing to make yourself happier,” Mel asserts, “but you just won’t do them.  Let’s take some action.”

Here’s how she suggests you can start to get into action:

Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center.  On the left side, write at the top “What Bugs Me.”  Honestly examine each area and identify what is bugging you the most and then tell the truth about each one.  Don’t settle for “fine” anymore.

On the right side, under the heading “My Excuses,” list ALL the reasons you claim you can’t change that area of your life: “It’s too late.  I don’t know how. I don’t have the money. I’m afraid.  I’m not qualified. I’ve tried this before.”

Now take a step back and look at both sides of the page.  Mel says, “What this simple exercise does is draw out your excuses….As long as you attach more value to the right side than you to the left, resistance wins.”

Next, she challenges you to get a permanent marking pen and write THE CHICKEN AND THE JERK in big letters across all the things you wrote down as excuses.  Then hang the paper where you will see it constantly – above your desk or on the refrigerator – to make sure it stays top of mind.  “Your life is the sum of what you focus on, therefore managing where you put your attention is the key to happiness and attention….That’s why you need to put this [list] somewhere you’ll review it daily, or use this trick: Type it up and e-mail it to yourself every morning as a reminder.”

“In the past, these excuses stopped you.  Today, if you hear them coming to the surface, you will take aim and power right through,” she promises.

Congratulations! You have finally told yourself the TRUTH about exactly what in your life is NOT “fine” the way it is, regardless of what your brain/Ego says or the lame EXCUSES you have made up to now for not changing it.

Next week, you will be ready for our discussion of Mel’s second step for getting into action on your goals: Admit What You Want.

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

******** What do you want for YOUR  life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

May 12, 2013

“As soon as you admit to yourself that you are no longer moving in the right direction or growing in ways that challenge and fulfill you, then you have the opportunity to change.” – Mel Robbins

This blog begins a six-part look at Stop Saying You’re Fine, a wonderful book by Mel Robbins.  A former attorney, she is now a life coach, speaker and the host of her own syndicated radio show.  I appreciate her humorous, tell-it-like-it-is approach that demolishes all our excuses for not having the life we truly want.

Stop Saying You’re Fine begins by revealing the many subtle self-sabotage techniques your brain uses to try to keep you from getting what you want.  Mel explains in layman’s terms, using real-life examples, the many crafty psychological traps your brain sets to keep you stuck.

Why does it do that? Because your brain (or as we in True Purpose Coaching™ call it, your Ego) is hard-wired to resist anything that upsets the status quo in your life. Even if you are deeply unhappy with your current weight, your relationship, your job, your finances, your brain/Ego knows it’s a survivable condition, since you have been tolerating it for some time and you’re still here.  Your brain/Ego wants you to survive more than it wants you to be happy, fulfilled or successful.  “Ironically,” Mel says,“the more trapped you feel by your life, the more you’ll convince yourself it’s okay.”

Fortunately, part of you does want you to grow and reach your big dreams. Mel calls it the “Powerful You.” As soon as the Powerful You determines that you want to change your life in some way, your brain/Ego immediately begins to resist the ideas, resources, coaches, friends’ support, diet plans, internet dating sites, financial planners etc. that the Powerful You suggests to help you reach your goals. This phenomenon helps to explain why a recent study by Britain’s University of Hertfordshire found that 88 percent of us fail to keep our resolutions.

Mel claims that each of us has adopted one of two deeply-ingrained unconscious “mind-sets.” The brain/Ego uses these to skew the way you view any opportunity for change so that you will decide it’s better to remain right where you are. She calls these two mind-sets:

The Chicken – Faced with a new goal that the Powerful You wants to pursue, the brain/Ego will try to frighten you with self-talk such as, “I can’t.  I’m not ready. I’m scared.  What if I fail?  I don’t know how.  I might make a fool of myself.  People will laugh.  I’m not good enough,  What if…”

The Jerk — If your brain/Ego employs this mind-set, you will view opportunity through a stubborn, cynical filter that says, “I don’t want to.  Why me? I don’t feel like it.  It doesn’t matter anyway.  It’s his fault; he should have to fix this.  What difference is it going to make?  If only I had….I should have….”

I admit it. At times, I am definitely a Jerk!  Which one are you?

Mel sums up our approach to change this way: “You were born with resistance.  It’s an inner, evolutionary bias to take the safe bet, the sure thing, the known path….Resistance loves surfing the Web, vegging out in front of the TV, sticking to routine, not picking up the phone, hitting snooze, avoiding confrontation, making excuses, rumination, and isolation.

“Resistance will keep your life in place; the power inside you will push your life forward.  You will always feel tension between these two forces…Will the powerful you turn on and start taking action, or will you resist and wait just a little longer to get the joy, satisfaction and fulfillment you deserve?”

To learn more about Mel Robbins, check out www.melrobbins.com.

Next time, I will share with you the first of five specific steps Mel Robbins says we MUST take in order to overcome our innate resistance and pursue the positive changes that make life interesting, prosperous and fulfilling!

******** What do you want for YOUR life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation! *************

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