“You gain strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Since Halloween is on our minds this month, I thought it would be fun to address the pros and cons of fear. Yes, fear can be FUN!
While not everyone’s cup of tea, creating ways to scare ourselves seems to be a widespread phenomenon among human beings worldwide. Why else would millions of us devour Stephen King novels, flock to horror movies and pay big bucks to be scared silly at terrifying amusement park attractions?
I was blessed to be friends with the iconic science fiction author Ray Bradbury (Farenheit 451, The Martian Chronicles, Something Wicked This Way Comes, etc.) for over forty years. Halloween was his favorite holiday and I always cherished receiving a hand-drawn Halloween greeting card from him every year. Most of his books contain some deliciously frightening elements. Ray said being frightened is something we can only enjoy because we know it isn’t REAL. We are thrilled by the adrenaline jolt we get because part of our brain knows we are actually safely sitting in our seat eating popcorn, not being chased by a crazy masked guy with a chain saw.
When feeling afraid is NOT fun is when we believe the thing we dread could happen to us for real. Unfortunately, that is a widespread phenomenon, too. As a coach, I spend about 25% of my time helping my clients strategize about how to reach their Big Goals and 75% of my time helping them overcome their fears about what terrible things might happen to them if they do (or don’t).
Fear of Success is real for many of my clients. That’s because the human Ego tries to protect us by warning us via our imaginations about all the negative outcomes it can conjure up that might happen from pursuing our plans. This causes our Inner Protector’s negative “What Ifs?” to become unconsciously entwined with our Big Goals.
Many success-oriented people feel torn inside because, while they passionately want to pursue their dreams, they fear that means they must miss out on precious time with their families. They worry that their spouses will become estranged from them and their children will grow up resenting them. Yes, that does sometimes happen for real, of course. But it does not mean that it is INEVITABLE.
What is the antidote to Fear of Success? Developing specific strategies in advance can help you handle the potential problems your Inner Protector’s fertile imagination conjures up to stop you from pursuing your goals. Instead of fighting it, you can acknowledge your Inner Protector for sending you an early warning signal and then go about setting up your strategies to help you handle success when it comes.
One easy and surprisingly effective strategy is to take a few minutes each weekend to plan and schedule ALL your upcoming weekly activities into your appointment planner. Collaborate with your loved ones to include a balance of work and personal time in the week. That way, they know that you are drawing firm boundaries between your work and personal time and that they will have your focused attention when you are not in “work time”. Planning your balanced weekly schedule demonstrates to your loved ones that they are important to you and allows them to participate in creating the family’s future prosperity and happiness together. Contrary to some people’s fears, you CAN enjoy quality time with loved ones AND passionately pursue your Big Goals.
On the flip side, a number of my clients have a Fear of Failure. Their Inner Protector’s worries are all about what might happen if they give it their all and then FAIL to reach their goals. Often fear of failure is something they have carried inside them since childhood, rooted in some painful experience with judgmental parents, teachers or other authority figures. Their Inner Protector warns them that they will disappoint those they love and be judged harshly or even punished by those they respect. Worst of all, if they try and fail, they will finally have to admit that they simply aren’t “good enough.”
Their Inner Protector tries to stop them from going after their Big Goal by pointing out the many ways they don’t stack up against others who are succeeding — in their abilities, experience, knowledge, even their courage! There’s a great Catch 22! They are made to fear that they won’t be able to break through their fears in order to take the required actions for success! No wonder they feel paralyzed and stuck — It seems so much safer not to try in the first place.
What is the antidote to Fear of Failure? Trying to run away from it only makes you feel like a greater failure and a coward to boot. In order to overcome a fear of trying and failing, you must “really stop to look fear in the face,” as Eleanor said. When you do, you will very likely recognize that your fear isn’t based on FACT, but rather on an Old Limiting Belief that was created by your Inner Protector to explain some unpleasant experience you had in the past.
Next time: We will discuss exactly how you can look a Limiting Belief “in the face,” dismantle it, and stop that crazy masked guy with the chain saw from chasing you away from your Big Goals!
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What do you want for your life? My “job description” as a coach is simply this: I help you get what YOU want. I invite you to schedule a complimentary phone consultation where together we’ll explore your big dreams and determine if coaching can assist you in reaching them. I have programs and coaching specialties for every need. Learn more at: http://practicalprosperitycoach.com or contact me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or toll free at 888-503-8145. Contact me TODAY to schedule a complimentary phone consultation!