Your Inspiring Kindness – Blog 322

December 2, 2018

This is one of the favorite blogs I get to write all year long!  I hope it will be just the first, as more and more of my cherished readers share what they have done to make others’ lives a little lighter and brighter during the Holidays. 

If you didn’t read my last post (Time to Pay Up – Blog 321), it kicked off the annual Pay It Forward Challenge that I began several years ago.  From Thanksgiving through the end of the year, I invite my wonderful readers to join me in spreading some “comfort and joy” wherever we are, as a way of putting our gratitude into ACTION by making an extra effort to be kind and generous toward our fellow human beings.

Not only does paying it forward make you feel good, but it’s also a proven way to put the Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) to work for YOU.  Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret and The Power, asserts that gratitude is the most powerful positive emotion we can feel to attract MORE good things to us.  And nothing can make us feel as grateful for the many blessings and privileges of our lives than doing something good for someone else. 

Spreading kindness doesn’t have to be a big gesture.  I got the idea for the PIF Challenge several years ago when someone ahead of me in line at Starbucks paid for my drink.  When I approached him to thank him, he just smiled and said, “I trust you will pay it forward.”  And I did just that for the rest of the Holidays by buying multiple packs of $5 Starbucks gift cards and giving one every time I visited to the baristas at the counter, asking them to bestow it on any customer at random, after I left the store. (Anonymous gestures of kindness and generosity are the MOST fun of all!)

At the end of the last blog, I asked you to email me YOUR gestures of Paying it Forward so I could share them with other readers, in hopes of inspiring even MORE random acts of kindness and generosity among us.  I also have been collecting some wonderful ones from my favorite online POSITIVE news blog, called GoodNewsNetwork.org. Here are some of my favorites so far:

In the News

  • At a Walmart in Vermont, an anonymous man secretly paid for every single item on layaway. Walmart was not allowed to disclose how much money the man spent or how many people he helped that day, but judging by the number of gifts that were stacked on the store’s layaway shelves, it was a lot. When asked who could afford to pay for so many items, the man simply said: “Santa Claus can.”
  • A team of nurses pooled their money and purchased a winning lottery ticket that paid them $7,200 after taxes. But instead of divvying up the cash, the group decided to give all of the winnings to two nurses going through heartbreak: One has been grieving the loss of her 17-year-old son after he committed suicide on the night of the lotto drawing. The check that she received from her co-workers ended up paying for his funeral. The second check they donated went to a nurse who has been struggling to make ends meet since her husband was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year. “When I got that phone call [about the lottery winnings], it was a day I was wondering how we were going to pay for certain medications,” she said. “It just touches your heart.”
  • A compassionate airline passenger ensured that a 20-year-old man was reunited with his lost wallet – along with a little extra something to make up for their time apart. Hunter Shamatt lost his wallet on the way to attend his sister’s wedding in Las Vegas. Since the wallet contained his ID, a signed paycheck, his debit card, and $60 in cash, he “feared the worst”. Shortly after the flight, however, Hunter was stunned to receive a package in the mail from an anonymous sender. Inside was his wallet – along with an additional $40 in cash. There was a note enclosed that read, “Found this on a Frontier flight from Omaha to Denver-row 12, seat F wedged between the seat and wall and thought you might want it back. All the best. PS: I rounded your cash up to an even $100 so you could celebrate getting your wallet back. Have fun!!!”

But, of course, my favorite PIF stories of thoughtfulness and generosity have come from my readers.  Here are a few that I have received so far from you:

  • After I sent a young friend who is working hard at two jobs a surprise check, he soon texted me this message: “Pay it Forward Challenge accepted! I used part of the money to buy coffee.  On my way out, I saw a couple with car problems and called them a tow using my Auto Club membership card.”
  • One of my clients and her two young daughters bought a big load of supplies at Target and stuffed 20 little gift bags with all the necessities of life like toothpaste, soap, nutrition bars, hand warmers and other goodies.  They keep them I the car and whenever they spot a homeless person, the girls jump out and surprise them with a “Blessing Bag.”
  • In the Starbucks drive through, a reader was delighted to learn that the person ahead of her had already paid for her order. The barista told her that there had been an unbroken streak of 33 customers that morning, all paying for the order in the car behind them. Naturally, my reader kept the kindness streak going herself!
  • After spending the week before Thanksgiving volunteering at a local food bank,assembling food in boxes for underprivileged families to have for their holiday meals, one of my readers asked her son, who was home on break from his first semester of college, what he wanted to do for Thanksgiving dinner.  He requested that they dine at an upscale restaurant with his father.  Although she and her ex-husband had a contentious divorce and often didn’t see eye to eye about raising their son, she agreed.  The three of them ended up having a pleasant holiday meal together — their first since their son’s childhood. 
  • Lots of my readers and I participated in some of the many Giving Tuesday opportunities to contribute to our favorite charities.  By giving through PayPal and Facebook, our donations were often doubled by generous matching donors.
  • A client went a step further by starting her own Giving Tuesday fundraiser on Facebook so that the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary could have the benefit of doubled donations. She wrote, “They provide care and love for elderly dogs that are without a home…. Senior dogs are more likely to be euthanized in the shelter system and less likely to be adopted.  This breaks my heart.  I have a soft spot for all animals, and especially dogs.”  Way to do something that makes a difference for them!
  • A reader’s family sponsored her town’s local “Little Free Pantry” – an alternative to big food drives and pantries (which are also wonderful, of course).  Volunteers take turns stocking the cabinet, which is built in the shape of a little house and placed in front of the town’s Safety Office.  Anyone in need can come and discreetly withdraw any food items they want out of the little pantry.
  • One of my readers who is a new mom, and thus sleep deprived, posted on Facebook, “Where are all my tired moms?” To every mom who responded, she sent a surprise $5 Starbucks gift card.  One delighted recipient messaged her, “It’s the nicest thing another mom has ever done for me!”
  • One of my clients has participated in her town’s annual “Shop with a Cop” event for the past 13 years.  The Sheriff’s Office, where her husband is a deputy, underwrites the whole thing – taking underprivileged kids to shop for Christmas gifts with the help of “Santa and Mrs. Claus.” These kids ordinarily would not have the funds to buy presents for their own families, but the peace officers and their spouses help them pick out whatever they want for their parents and siblings, then wrap up their gifts and bus them back home.
  • My own spontaneous Pay it Forward act was to send a little gift to one of my dearest girlfriends (since 6th grade), which arrived the day after Thanksgiving.  I was a little annoyed with myself for not thinking of it soon enough to get there before the holiday–  until I got this text from her: “What an amazing gift for ‘nothing in particular’!  I opened it at the perfect time.  I had a wonderful Thanksgiving,but was going through a bit of a rough patch upon arriving home.  Thank you!”

I hope these stories will inspire you to take your own ACTION! Rest assured that whatever big or small acts of kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness — or just a big beaming smile — you bestow on someone over these coming weeks, it will arrive at the perfect time for them! That’s the Law of Attraction in ACTION – putting your gratitude to work making a difference for others!

P.S. If you haven’t yet done so, please email me your own wonderful PIF Challenge story and I will post one more inspiring compilation before Christmas. 

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E*HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

November 18, 2018

“Give everything you can, whether it’s time, money, prayer or just a kind word.  So if you want God to satisfy you with every good thing, go out and help somebody in need.” – Joel Osteen

For many of my clients and me, 2018 has been a challenging year. Our personal challenges may have been related to career, finances, politics, health, family relationships, the loss of a loved one, or just coping with the helpless feeling from almost-daily news of yet another senseless slaughter of innocents or lives upended by natural disasters.

Fortunately, the season of “comfort and joy” is now upon us, when most people make an extra effort to be kind, grateful and generous toward their fellow humans.  Maybe one day, this season of goodwill will last all year long, but for now, we will take what we can get!

For the past several years, from Thanksgiving through the end of the year, I have used this blog to invite my wonderful readers to make life a little brighter, happier and easier for others with a “Pay-It-Forward Challenge.” I hope that YOU will participate this year, too!  I love hearing about the many creative ways my readers find to help someone else, show them that they matter to you, or simply brighten their day and put a smile on their face.

I got the idea for this annual Pay It Forward Challenge when I was at Starbucks during Thanksgiving week a few years ago. A stranger ahead of me paid $5.00 toward my purchase, which turned my frazzled, grumpy day around and put a smile on my face that never went away through the rest of the year.  That simple act of generous kindness inspired me to buy a bunch of $5.00 gift cards and begin giving them out every few days to the baristas at the register to bestow on random people in the line behind me.

I unexpectedly got to repeat that joyful practice again yesterday.  A homeless woman who frequents our Starbucks came in while Rick and I were having breakfast before driving to Disneyland, our favorite place to enjoy the Holidays.  As she sat down at the next table, I moved a chair to make room for her shopping cart that was piled high with all kinds of found “treasures.” I smiled and said good morning and asked her how she was.  “Frustrated.  How are you?” she replied.

That’s when I spontaneously decided to pay forward our many blessings and brighten her day by going to the register and purchasing my first gift card of the season.  On our way out, I laid it on the table in front of her and said, “Happy Thanksgiving.”  It was so great to see the surprise light up her face!  As lovely a time as we had at Disneyland, I can honestly say that giving that stranger a $10 Starbucks gift card was the highlight of my day.

I plan to purchase more gift cards and give them away randomly at Starbucks through the end of the year, and I trust that each of those surprised strangers will also pay it forward to make someone else feel special and cared about. Last year, the baristas told me that there were a number of customers doing the same thing, creating a big old warm chain of joy and gratitude, one cup at a time!

You can experience the joy of spreading around some “Holiday Spirit” in your own creative ways.  Your kindness and thoughtfulness don’t have to cost anything.  Here are few examples my readers came up with in years past:

  • Let someone who appears to be in a hurry go ahead of you in the checkout line. I promise they will beam at you!
  • Help a harried friend or colleague run an errand, or babysit their kids while they do.
  • Surprise your friends, family and clients with a snail-mailed or emailed Thanksgiving card this year! Few people think to send them, but this gesture says, “I am so grateful for you!” to friends and customers like nothing else can.
  • Or pick a morning as soon as you arrive at work, to send out an individual email to one or more of your closest colleagues stating what you appreciate about them and why you are grateful to have them on your team. This will make their day.
  • Use your musical, baking or crafting talents to spread cheer and delight to children, neighbors, elderly folks and the sick.
  • Help an older person or someone who is under the weather put up their holiday decorations, haul home their Christmas tree, or offer to do some service to lighten their load, such as mowing their lawn, bringing them dinner or running an errand.
  • Donate some lightly-used warm clothing or blankets to an organization that serves the homeless or low-income families.
  • Donate money, food or pet supplies to an organization that helps loving pets that are patiently waiting for their forever homes.
  • Surprise someone who lives alone with a tin of tea and a plate of homemade holiday treats. Better yet, sit down and listen to them while you enjoy the goodies together.

If you are able, pay your own financial blessings forward by spreading the prosperity around a bit.  Here are just a few ideas:

  • Surprise a friend on a tight budget with a supermarket gift card that will make their Holiday feast much brighter.
  • At the gas station, if you notice someone in an old car with kids in the back, surprise her by paying for a full tank of gas.
  • Astonish a homeless person by handing them $5 or $10 instead of spare change.
  • Contribute a little extra to your favorite charity or cause. I like to support local animal rescue organizations that are operating on a shoestring. $25 means far more to them than it does to the big animal welfare organizations, although I try to donate as much as I can to those, too.
  • Take the opportunity to donate to the Red Cross and other relief organizations that are struggling to fill the needs of millions whose lives have been upended from so many back-to-back natural disasters.

It’s easy to fall into despair and think “What difference can I make in the face of all that seems so wrong and tragic in the world?”  But as this week’s quote reminds us, any little thing we do will pay it forward to others in our own ways. And if each of us makes it our mission to touch just ONE life this way, we can start a tidal way of Gratitude, Kindness and Giving that just might spread a little joyous Christmas Spirit far beyond the end of this year.

Please email me your own Pay It Forward Challenge story!  I will collect them and share them in a future blog to inspire others to do more of the same.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog will be taking next Sunday off so I can enjoy Thanksgiving with my family.  I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving too!  A Cup of Caroll will return on Sunday December 2.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

November 11, 2018

“How often do you tell the people in your life how much you appreciate them? God wants you to be joyful and enlighten others with His joy by being kind and patient and showing your appreciation and love.  Make a list of your loved ones and make a commitment to let them know how much you care.  When you tell someone how much they mean to you, you receive an unexpected boost of love and joy yourself!” – Guideposts magazine’s 60 Days of Prayer

What a week.  I am feeling somewhat emotionally wrung out amidst a jumble of tough news: Flooding and severe weather in the Midwest and East, deadly firestorms and yet another senseless mass shooting here in California. Oh, and a divisive mid-term election that refuses to end, with continuing recounts and threatened lawsuits in several states.

With Christmas and Hanukkah still weeks away, where can we turn for some comfort and joy? I say we need to “Make Thanksgiving Great Again” — Not that Thanksgiving (or America for that matter), ever really stopped being GREAT.  It’s just that we have taken both of them too much for granted lately.

Instead of allowing this unique holiday to become simply a day to watch football, stuff ourselves, suffer through annoying dinner conversations with relatives who get on our nerves, while anxiously awaiting the opening bell to buy more stuff we don’t really  need, what if we truly put the THANKS back into Thanksgiving by showing our GRATITUDE to the people we too often take for granted?

Here are some ways my clients have done it this year. I hope they may inspire you to do it, too:

  • Send someone a heartfelt message of thanks. This year, instead of getting lost amidst the avalanche of Holiday greeting cards and annual newsletters from friends, relatives and vendors, my coaching clients are sending out Thanksgiving cards. Their purpose is simply to express heartfelt gratitude to the customers and Team members who have supported them throughout the year.  There is no motive except to say “Thank You. You are special and I am grateful to have you in my life.”  You can do this with your friends and family too. I promise you they will be surprised and delighted to be acknowledged at Thanksgiving.
  • Apologize, even if you don’t believe you are wrong. After a long-distance argument, one of my clients sent a loving apology text to her husband, who is working on an extended job assignment in another state. She gave up being “right” and simply thanked him for the sacrifice she knew he was making by being away from his family to help build a great future for them. In response, he surprised her by getting his boss to pay for renting them a beach house, so they can all be together as a family at the Holidays.
  • Extend an olive branch to heal a rift. One of my clients hadn’t spoken to her sister for several years. After hearing a reconciliation message in church, she spontaneously called her sister and simply told her that she missed her. A few days later, she drove several hours for an afternoon visit, where they laughed and enjoyed each other’s company, just as they used to. Now, my client plans to invite her sister to spend Thanksgiving with their family, who are all relieved that their estrangement is over.
  • Change a relationship by upgrading your own mindset. One of my clients  dreads her family’s Thanksgiving gathering because one of her in-laws is always cold and rude to her, for no apparent reason. We discussed what she could do to improve their relationship through changing her own energy and expectations.  Now, she is mentally prepping by expecting The Best and focusing on bringing only positive, healing energy to the gathering, so that everyone there (including herself) will feel loved and appreciated.
  • Another client was dreading attending a business function where she must interact with a talented, but insecure, colleague who is prone to creating drama-filled confrontations. Instead of fearing her worst behavior, my client created a whole new mindset for herself. She vows to proactively express her sincere gratitude for the colleague’s contributions and speak only kind, acknowledging and empowering words when they meet. And she is truly expecting the BEST from her colleague in return.

The Law of Attraction, which states that “energy attracts like energy,” dictates that our own thoughts, words and emotions will inevitably attract to us people and circumstances that match our energy.  Gratitude, which is a form of love, is one of the most powerful positive emotions we can send out into the world to attract back to us MORE good things to be grateful for.

So let’s do our part to spread kindness and express love and gratitude to others, especially in this month that focuses on giving thanks.  What more precious gift could we possibly be thankful for than all the wonderful people God has brought into our lives?

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.  Your information will never be shared with anyone.

************* Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com. 

October 28, 2018

“I have come to realize that to truly experience freedom, happiness, love and peace of mind, I must find stability within, at the core of my being – centered in my true identity.” – Rev. Elizabeth Longo

I often find the theme for the blog from a trend I notice among my clients during our coaching the prior week.  This whole month, many of them have complained of being “in a funk” — feeling uninspired and unmotivated to pursue their goals.  They often aren’t sure why, but I have some ideas.

Some of them have been working their little hearts out since their network marketing company’s convention last month, and I suspect they are simply mentally and physically depleted. Others feel discouraged that they haven’t seen the results they thought they would have at this point. More have been affected by personal challenges such as their own or a loved one’s illness, drawn-out home renovation projects or lack of time to take care of their own well-being.  Still others (my friends and I included) are feeling sick and tired of the pervasive, personalized rancor that seems to be engulfing much of our country in the weeks before the mid-term election.

If you are experiencing your own Fall Funk, it is critical that you snap out of it ASAP — not only for your own physical, mental and emotional well-being, but because the Law of Attraction dictates that YOUR energetic vibration (your thoughts plus your emotions) will attract similar energy. If you want to attract positive people and circumstances into your life, YOU must feel positive yourself.

So how can you pull yourself out of a bad case of the blahs?   Here are some suggestions that have worked for me:

  • Be grateful. Whatever trials and tribulations you face at this moment, you must admit that there are far more blessings than problems in your life.  If you want to instantly shift into a more positive mindset, try listing 25 things that you are grateful for in your life right NOW. Better yet, make it a habit to list 10 things that you are grateful for each day in a Gratitude Journal.  All those positives will put the few negatives in perspective.
  • Help someone else. Nothing gets us out of a personal pity party quicker than helping someone else. Look around for someone who needs a little help or just a smile and non-judgmental ear.  One of my great personal blessings about being a Personal Success Coach is that I never have time to wallow in my own stuff for long because I must focus on my clients’ needs. At the end of each day, I feel tired but very happy, fulfilled and uplifted, knowing I made a difference for them.  We can all make a difference for someone else each day and it feels amazing.
  • Take care of your own well-being first. We can’t afford to ignore our own daily need for food, rest, water, exercise and relaxation.  If you attempt to take care of everyone else and neglect yourself, you will soon feel exhausted and depleted, which won’t help those who depend on you either.  So schedule time for your own needs every day.  It’s not selfish; it’s essential.
  • Take a mental and physical break.  Regularly engage in activities that light you up —  reading a novel in the hammock, watching a good movie, getting a massage, playing with your kids or visiting the dog park, enjoying retail therapy. Whatever you love to do, make time for it on a regular basis.  I am a big fan of taking ONE FULL DAY off each week to totally unplug from your business and other responsibilities.  Last weekend, my wonderful husband Rick and I drove 90 minutes to our local mountains, where there are numerous apple orchards and fall festivals.  We thoroughly enjoyed the apple treats, crisp fall air and beautiful colored leaves.  It felt a world away from our suburban routine, and we came home feeling refreshed and recharged for the coming week.
  • Focus on what you WANT, not what you don’t want. Whatever your present circumstances, keep your eye on the prize you are after for your future.  The thoughts we focus on gain strength and power, so when you catch yourself obsessing about some current woe or future fear, STOP and re-focus your thoughts on your Big Goals.  Expect the BEST, and you will be sending powerful energy toward manifesting your dreams, instead of feeding negative energy to your current disappointments and challenges.

We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can always control how we respond.  Re-focus your thoughts on the positive, expect The Best, take good care of yourself and look for ways to be a blessing to at least one other person each day, and your Fall Funk will disappear as fast as the Halloween candy!

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog will be taking next Sunday off and will return on Sunday November 11. In the meantime, have a safe and happy Halloween!

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.  Your information will never be shared with anyone.

************* Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com. 

October 21, 2018

This week’s blog is an edited version of a past fan favorite.  The technique is crucial to my clients’ success in manifesting their goals far more quickly and easily than pure hard work could do.  If you don’t already do this on a regular basis, I hope you will try it.  You will be amazed at the results!

February 15, 2015

“Visualize this thing you want.  See it, feel it, believe in it.  Make your mental blueprint and begin.” – Robert Collier

One of the most powerful tools for turning any big dream into a reality is absolutely free  and easy for anyone to use.  In fact, I bet you did it naturally throughout your childhood; back then, you called it “daydreaming.” I have learned how to refine this amazingly effective technique and now teach all my clients how to use it to help them reach their Big Goals with greater speed and ease.

If you use this tool regularly, it will unleash the power of your #1 manifestation ally, your own subconscious mind, to guide you to make even your biggest dreams come true.  Here’s how to visualize for maximum success:

Close your eyes. You can do this during the day, as though you are about to meditate and at night when your head’s on the pillow and you are relaxing into sleep.

Use your imagination to see in your “mind’s eye” the thing want to have — a dream car, dream home, perfect career, deluxe tropical vacation, new romantic partner, a specific sum of money – anything you are committed to having. It’s fine that you don’t know HOW to get it right now, because that’s not YOUR job. Your job is just to be as specific and detailed as possible about exactly what you want.  Some things can be easily imagined, such as your dream car.  You should know the make and model you want, the color of the exterior and interior and all the bells and whistles on the dashboard and other interior features.  If you don’t, you really should go to a dealer and test drive your dream car!  But if that’s not practical, at least go online and find a detailed picture.  Be sure it shows exactly the color that you want because if you want a red one and you test drive or study a picture of a black one, you are going to get a BLACK one!

For other things like your Dream Job, you may not know exactly what industry you want to be in. That’s perfectly OK. Simply set up your visualization so that you are visualizing the kind of environment you want to work in – whether it’s a big, bright corner office with a city view or somewhere in the great outdoors.  You can imagine friendly co-workers laughing with you as you walk together down the hall without being able to see the details of their faces. For your Mr. or Ms. Right visualization, you might set up a scene you would like to live out with them, such as the two of you holding hands and walking side by side down the beach surrounded by a glorious sunset.

You must get ALL of your physical senses involved in your visualization: Imagine TOUCHING the buttery leather seats, SMELLING that unique new-car smell, HEARING the quiet rumble of the engine while your favorite songs play on the state-of-the-art sound system. Make it an IMAX kind of a scenario!

CRITICAL NOTE: John Assaraf, one of the Master Manifestors featured in The Secret DVD about using the Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) to manifest big dreams, teaches this important tip for success: The way your brain is used to seeing the REAL world around you is by looking through your own eyeballs. So you should practice visualizing yourself driving your dream car as though you are inside your own body, sitting in the driver’s seat, looking out at the world, rather than observing the scene like you are watching a movie. That’s how the “masters” like Assaraf visualize their way to success.

Here’s the true “trigger” that gets your Big Dream moving toward manifestation: FEELING. Besides engaging all your physical senses in your visualization, you also have to FEEL it emotionally. How would you FEEL if you really did have that car?  You undoubtedly would feel JOY, FREEDOM, FULFILLMENT, and most of all, you would feel GRATEFUL, wouldn’t you? You truly can conjure up those feelings (with a little practice) just by using your imagination.

If you do this visualization technique for just five minutes or so twice a day — once in the morning before you leave the house and again as you drift off to sleep, you are telling your subconscious mind with your FOCUS and your FEELINGS that this Big Dream is “real” to you.  And it will do everything it can to make it a reality in your life.

You see, your subconscious mind believes everything you tell it.  It can’t take a joke, it doesn’t understand sarcasm or irony.  You tell it something is real, and it BELIEVES you.  And your subconscious mind is also like a giant computer that has stored away absolutely EVERYTHING you have ever experienced, heard, seen, read – it’s all stored in the “vault” in your brain, just waiting to be called up when needed.

Your conscious mind can’t always call up this deeply stored information at will. But if you set it to the task and then relax, your subconscious mind can retrieve the facts you need.  And it can also “connect the dots” of all that varied information to figure out some NEW and innovative ways to go after something that your conscious mind never would have thought of.  That’s how thoughts become things — through the inspiration that comes from the subconscious mind.

The late, great psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer, who was the Master of all Manifestors in my opinion, taught that whatever we fall asleep thinking about stays in our subconscious for at least the next four hours.  Our subconscious works on it, looking at it from every angle, until it finds a “HOW” for whatever goal you are thinking about. That’s why you can often wake up with a great idea or suddenly remember exactly where you left that lost object. Your subconscious can also guide you with inspired new ideas to help you make that little red sports car a reality.

One of my clients recently was looking for a nanny/housekeeper to help with her young daughter.  One day, she saw an unexpected “vision” in her mind of a smiling middle-aged Hispanic woman, standing behind her kitchen island, happily preparing a meal while listening to Spanish songs on the radio.  My client couldn’t explain why, but she just FELT in her heart this woman was going to be her nanny/housekeeper.

She interviewed several applicants by phone, but none of them was a good fit.  Finally, she spoke to one who sounded perfect and my client invited her to come to the house for an interview.  My client was surprised to find that she looked very much like the middle-aged Latina in her vision.  After a great interview, she hired her.

On the woman’s first day, my client walked into the kitchen and found the new nanny happily working behind the kitchen island with her lively Spanish songs playing on the radio. “It was exactly how I had pictured it,” she told me.  “It’s positively freaky!”

No, it’s visualization!

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.  Your information will never be shared with anyone. 

************* Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com. 

 

 

October 7, 2018

“Attitudes truly are contagious.  So decide today to make yours worthy catching.” – Mac Anderson

Last week, we examined ways to protect yourself from others’ “toxic energy” that can do real harm to you mentally and emotionally and may even keep you from realizing your full potential in life.  If you missed it, I hope you will go to the blog archives on my website and read it first (Inoculate Yourself – Blog 316).

In the last blog, I related my own experience of having to abruptly disengage from someone whose toxic energy was masquerading as something positive (at least at first).  I believe now that he was emotionally manipulating me (and probably many others) to sympathize with him — undoubtedly for the positive attention it garnered and perhaps the money people like me gave him to support his “good works” and dire personal financial problems.

Based on my own experience, I came up with the first two “Rules” for protecting yourself from people who come to you with their toxic energy – which, in addition to emotional manipulation, can include behaviors such as spreading damaging gossip, chronic complaining, and trying to sabotage your dreams, undermine your self-confidence or erode your self-worth.

Self-protection Rule Number One I gave you last time was Maya Angelou’s wonderfully wise quote: “People will show you who they are and you’d best believe them.”  Once I fully recognized what the manipulator was doing, I disengaged immediately, which so caught him off guard that he instantly revealed himself as a predator in sheep’s clothing. We all have a God-given intuition that tells us when something or someone just doesn’t add up or feel right.  We must listen to that insistent inner whisper and act on it ASAP.

Rule Number Two came from minister Joel Osteen, who reminded us that we all have “seeds” of greatness that need to be nurtured in “good soil.”  If the friends you associate with do not provide you with a nurturing environment for your personal growth through their lack of values, poor lifestyle choices or negative mindset, Joel recommends gradually disengaging by spending less and less time with them.  If they notice, you can say you are too busy pursuing your positive goals to spend as much time hanging out with them as before.

So far, so good, right?  But what if the person who exudes toxic energy in your life is someone you cannot disengage from – like your boss, a key Team member, a close relative or even a spouse or ex-spouse who shares custody of your kids?  What can you do then?

If you cannot avoid someone else’s toxic energy, I believe you must do two things to protect yourself and turn things to your advantage:

  • Be 100% relentlessly POSITIVE yourself. I have all my clients consciously prepare their own energy (defined as your thoughts PLUS your emotions) at the beginning of each day with a centering practice that includes positive affirmations, listing things you are grateful for that day in a Gratitude Journal, doing some positive visualization and a few minutes of reading in a good personal development book. My mother used to call the morning prayers and affirmations she taught me “putting on your armor” for the day.  Protecting ourselves against being affected by someone else’s negative energy starts with cultivating our own strong positive energy.
  • Adopt your own “Best” mindset and actions and expect good results. We are not here to change anyone else. But you can have a positive influence on others by consciously directing your own positive energy and entering all your interactions with a focused expectation of creating the BEST possible outcome for yourself and everyone involved.   As a wise Mentor Coach once explained to me, when two people have opposing energy, whoever has the STRONGER energy will pull the other into their energy.  You can expect the BEST outcome in a given situation because your own focused, intentional, relentlessly positive energy is always stronger than another’s negative energy.

One of my coaching clients recently faced that very conundrum. She dreaded having to deal with someone on her network marketing Team whose toxic energy she knew would likely oppose her own, because it had many times in the past.  This person had been gossiping with members of the Team about each other and stirring up emotional drama where there should be mutual support.

As my client gave me the details, I felt that what must really be driving this person is a deep insecurity about herself as a Leader. If her Team doesn’t invite her to every event or training, she imagines they don’t want or need her help.  I asked my client to imagine for a moment what it would be like to be that Leader — Wouldn’t it be scary and depressing to be so needy and have such low self-esteem? Wouldn’t it be exhausting to try to monitor all of your Team members’ every action, searching for any sign that they consider you irrelevant? She agreed it would suck to live like that.

Letting herself imagine what it would be like to hold such toxic energy allowed my client to turn her resentment for the drama this Leader stirred up on the Team into compassion for how needlessly self-punishing she was.  Then she felt that she could authentically assure her that they both have the SAME goal – for their Team to thrive.

The next step was for her to create a positive intention for the outcome of the phone call that she had first wanted to avoid but now was eager to make on HER terms: “I am creating that she will feel my good intentions and trust them. We will listen to each other with an open mind and have a healthy dialogue. We will treat each other with respect.”

The focused, positive mindset and energy she decided to embody during their upcoming call was being “fair, understanding, committed and a good listener.”

I got this excited follow-up text from my client after their conversation: “I want to thank you for giving me the words and mindset to speak with [Toxic Energy Leader]. We spoke last week and honestly that conversation has freed me from feeling responsible for so many things that aren’t mine to carry.  Things I’ve carried for way too long. I was able to not let my emotions take over and to say [my truth] and listen to what was being shared.  And the best part is I left that conversation not feeling bad about myself!”

If you cannot avoid interacting with someone in your life who often embodies toxic energy, here are some helpful guidelines to remember:

  • YOU have the power to protect yourself by putting on your mindset “armor” each day. Adopt a focused, relentlessly positive mindset and confidently expect the BEST in your interactions with them.
  • Try to imagine where their negative mindset and behaviors could stem from. Working up some compassion and understanding for what it must be like for them to live with their self-inflicted pain can allow you to control your own emotions and find ways to help them feel heard, understood and acknowledged, which is what most insecure, controlling people are really after.
  • Rather than trying to avoid whatever issues you know you eventually must confront with them, take the reins! If you embody focused, relentlessly positive energy around them, you have every reason to believe it will have a positive influence on them, rather than allowing them to have a negative influence on you.

Most importantly, you must always remember that nobody and nothing can make you FEEL any particular way. Others can say and do things you might not like, and you should absolutely stand up for yourself if someone crosses your personal boundaries. But nobody controls YOUR energy but YOU.  So recognize and make the most of your personal power!

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog will be taking the next Sunday off.  A Cup of Caroll will return on Sunday, October 21. 

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.  Your information will never be shared with anyone.

************* Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

 

September 30, 2018

“What you hear repeatedly, you will eventually believe.” – Mike Murdock

This week’s topic is not one I relish dealing with at all.  But it is necessary sometimes to address the dark side of life and how to deal with it,  to enable yourself to reap the rewards of living with integrity, optimism and expectation of good things coming to you.

I often take my cues for blog topics from a pattern I notice throughout the week in my own experiences and the experiences of my clients. This week, the theme was pretty hard to miss.  Not only did several of my clients have to deal with it, I had a jarring personal experience of it, and the whole nation got a ringside seat to it via the televised Supreme Court confirmation hearing on Thursday.  The yelling and finger pointing, vitriol and personal attacks on display among the elected “leaders” who are supposed to represent us were jaw-dropping to behold. But I am not here to talk about politicians.  I want to talk about toxic energy and what we can do to protect ourselves from it in our OWN everyday lives.

What is “toxic energy”?  Your “energy” (or some people call it your “vibration”) is made up of your thoughts PLUS your emotions“Toxic,” according to the dictionary, means something that is “poisonous” and perhaps “infectious” — to the point of “causing serious harm or death.”

At some point, we all cross paths with someone who exudes “toxic energy.”  A specific promise I ask all my clients to state aloud every day is: “I avoid toxic people and surround myself with Winners who inspire me and help me to reach my Dreams.” That is a worthy goal, but as I learned for myself this week, it’s easier said than done.  So I want to share with you some insights and tips I used to help my clients and me to shield ourselves from the toxic energy we encountered from others.

First, my own story: For the past couple of years, I have been a long-distance “friend” to someone I have never met face to face.  We corresponded via email, text and Facebook and at  first, I enjoyed our interactions. He seemed like a truly good person, who talked a lot about the people around him who were lonely and needed something to cheer them up.  He found ways to do that, some of which required money (like throwing modest parties for them). In his own life, he faced serious financial challenges, being older and living on a fixed income, which he supplemented a little bit with a sporadic sideline gig.

I was inspired by the way he seemed to maintain a positive attitude in the face of all the challenges in his own life.  He was (all too) eager to share personal information with me, including that his wife had divorced him several years ago and moved to the other side of the country, and neither of his grown children had seen or spoken to him in years.  In short, he garnered my sympathy with his vulnerable candor and seemingly selfless caring for others.

I began to send him small sums of money from time to time, to help with his parties and his own dire needs (such as car problems and having his internet and cell phone shut off, and at one time, the imminent shut off of his utilities).  Each time, he protested that he had not told me about his problems to solicit money from me, but then he always accepted it with lavish thanks.

Mind you, I am not an easy mark.  I really do have a pretty good sense of when someone is lying to me, and I don’t think he was lying about the facts.  I believe he IS broke. But looking back, I can see that he never seemed to try to change his financial circumstances, other than lament them.  Being a coach, I’m hard-wired to give suggestions to help my clients solve daily problems, but every time I offered him a suggestion, he would deflect it, explaining why that wasn’t feasible. I thought maybe there just weren’t any part-time jobs available for someone his age in his area. I felt growing frustration, but ignored what my gut was telling me for a long time.

Over time, his messages focused more and more on complaints about how others treated him unfairly and “woe is me” tales of all the things that were going wrong for him, one after another.  I was the only person he had to confide in, who could understand, he said. His energy became more toxic so gradually, I didn’t consciously recognize it for a long time.  I just knew that it was beginning to wear on me emotionally, like trying to put out a forest fire with a garden hose.

I think what finally opened my eyes is that last Sunday I watched on YouTube a sermon by my favorite positive-thought minister, Joel Osteen, in which he talked about planting our “seeds” in good soil.  He cited a familiar parable from the Bible about how three different farmers sowed their seeds in rocky soil, weedy soil and good soil.  Those seeds planted in the rocky and weedy soil died out, while those planted in the good soil flourished and became a rich harvest.

Joel said the parable means we have to carefully CHOOSE the people we hang out with because they are the “soil” in our lives.  If we plant our own “seeds” – our special gifts and dreams that can blossom with the right nurturing – in a toxic environment filled with poor role models and those who do not support us, we are bound to have a meager harvest.

Later that day, I saw a Facebook post by Mr. Woe is Me with a big photo of his sad-eyed four-footed friend who, he said, clearly needed to go to the vet.  He said he was calculating how to get the money and whether cutting himself back to one meal a day would help. Soon, he began to get comments from several of his many Facebook friends offering to send a donation.  He replied, “Thank you, but I’ll be all right.”

I commented, “What if these kind offers are God’s HOW to help you get your dog taken care of?”  He replied “What if they aren’t?”  Then he immediately switched to private messaging, saying “I love you” and anxiously asking if I was mad at him or something was wrong.

I wrote back that he seemed to be acting like a “professional victim” by telling everyone about his dog’s plight and then refusing offers of help. I suspected some of his friends were planning to send him money anyway, despite his protestations, as I would have done in the past. He said that he hadn’t intended for his post to come across as a plea for money and immediately took it down. Then he messaged me again, saying, “Why are you doing this to me – making me feel like crap?”

In that instant, I knew it was time to permanently disengage from his toxic energy that was now on full display, so I wrote back, “I am done. Please don’t write me anymore.  I truly wish you and your dog the best.  I won’t read your posts or comment ever again. Goodbye.”

Afterward, I felt somewhat shaken at the unexpected abruptness of my recognition of and disengagement from his specific form of toxic energy (emotional manipulation masquerading as selflessness suffering). At the same time, I recognized that I instantly felt happier and lighter to be free of it.

Just before I blocked him, he sent me a long, vitriolic diatribe about everything he felt was wrong with me, including that I was trying to “control” him with my money.  The nicest thing he said was “You are NOT a godly woman.”  (I don’t remember every claiming to be one.)  His final salvo was this: “You will now answer to god for this.  I’m sure. I’m wealthy hear me roar.  I’m praying to god I never become you.  I’d really kill myself…If you don’t cause it tonight.”

Well, I am glad I climbed off that crazy train.  I am grateful that my God-given inner wisdom was right and that I instinctively followed it. Because I had blinded myself to the truth over a long period, I now realize how easy it is to do with the people in our own lives. And I see that someone’s toxic energy involves more than just chronic complaining, negativity, damaging gossip or constantly undermining your self-worth. Toxic energy comes in many forms and some of them are well-disguised as something positive.

OK, so Rule Number One in protecting yourself from toxic energy is to always remember Maya Angelou’s wonderful quote, “People will show you who they are and you’d best believe them.” Give everyone a chance to prove themselves to you, but as soon as your intuition starts to notice red flags about someone, don’t ignore those warning signs!

Rule Number Two: Don’t hang out with people whose energy provides “poor soil” for your gifts, character, habits and dreams.  If you hang out with them long enough, your own Seeds of Greatness will die and you will become like them.  Instead, seek out friends and mentors who will support you, nurture you and inspire you – people you want to emulate. Joel Osteen recommends disengaging from the poor soil gradually by just spending less and less time with them over a period of time.  If they notice, you can just say that you are busy with lots of good stuff and you don’t have as much time to hang out as you used to.

NEXT WEEK: Unfortunately, with some people who exude toxic energy, you do not have the option to just walk away. They are your boss, Team member, close relative — maybe even your spouse (or the co-parent of your children). Next time, we will discuss how to deal with others’ toxic energy when you can’t leave. Stay tuned!

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.  Your information will never be shared with anyone.

************* Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.