October 8, 2017

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength.” – Charles H. Spurgeon

When I wrote the last blog on September 24 (See Let Go of Guilt Blog #282), little did I know what was coming.

I had been talking to a number of my coaching clients who felt paralyzed in their business pursuits by the seemingly-endless stream of hurricanes, fires and earthquakes that have occurred over the past several months. I wrote then about their feelings of “Striver’s Guilt,” which is much like the Survivor’s Guilt that paralyzes some people who have survived a horrific event where others perished.

Some of my clients felt so depressed over watching the 24/7 news stories about thousands of strangers who had suffered unimaginable losses of homes and even loved ones, they couldn’t muster the positive energy for daily outreach to grow their network marketing businesses. A few who know individuals directly affected by these natural disasters even felt it was disrespectful of their friends’ losses to pursue their own personal success.

Then this past weekend, the news focused on all the gruesome details of something even more horrific – the mass murder and wounding of hundreds of innocent people whose only crime was to enjoy themselves at an outdoor concert in Las Vegas that was within range of a madman with an automatic weapon perched on the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel.

Several of my clients also had some harrowing personal experiences with this awful event:  One was extremely grateful because she was supposed to go to that concert, but her babysitter cancelled at the last minute. Another said her BFF was at the concert and was in terrible emotional shape because, although unharmed herself, she had witnessed someone being shot a few feet from her. Still another told me her young relative’s best friend was one of the people who were murdered.

Incredibly, most of my coaching clients, who are all independent consultants with the same network marketing company, were preparing to depart for their company’s annual convention in Las Vegas this week.  Wow.  How do you process something that awful happening so close by when you are supposed to be celebrating your business success?

It is well above my “pay grade” to make sense of such a tragedy.  For me personally, life’s number one question that I hope God will be kind enough to answer when I make my transition is “Why do bad things happen to good people?” How we each continue to live our daily lives with faith, hope and optimism after such events is up to each of us to figure out, according to our own personal beliefs.

I am sure of one thing, however: Our succumbing to paralyzing Survivor’s Guilt or Striver’s Guilt and despair will NOT help those affected by tragedies and disasters in any way. As the wise old saying goes, you can “light a candle or curse the darkness.” The choice is yours.

If you choose to light a candle, you will honor the memory of those who didn’t survive accidents, illness, natural disaster or unfathomably evil human deeds by providing a beacon of hope and comfort to those who most need your support, even as you help yourself.

What we must focus on in all of these disasters and tragedies are the numerous acts of selfless kindness, generosity and heroism performed by strangers in service to their fellow human beings.  First Responders and ordinary citizens alike put their own lives in danger to save others, while medical professionals acted with calm heads and skilled hands to save many lives that otherwise would have been lost.

If you want to strengthen the much greater force of Good in the world, instead of just cursing the darkness of human evil and natural disasters, ask yourself: What can I do today, with the resources I have, to light my own candle?  Here are a few ideas:

  • Donate as much financial help as you can to relief providers. Human and animal relief organizations like the Red Cross, Salvation Army, Humane Society, SPCA International and many others have the know-how and resources to get the right kinds of aid to victims as quickly as possible. They just need the funds.
  • If you can, donate blood. Even if it stays in your community, your blood will help someone you don’t know who is in trouble right where you are. Sign up to be an organ donor when you renew your driver’s license, too!
  • If you can spare a few hours, volunteer in your community. Food banks, literacy programs, Meals on Wheels, addiction and at-risk youth programs and animal welfare organizations, to name a few, all rely on hometown heroes to help them do their good work.
  • Lend an ear or a hand to someone who needs it. People all around you are suffering quietly in big and small ways right now. Visit an elderly, single or ill neighbor with tea and cookies. Just be good company for them or offer to help with chores and errands once in awhile.
  • If you don’t like how things are going in local, state or national politics, don’t just complain — DO something about it! At the very least, VOTE.  Attend town hall meetings or write your representatives. And if you can, donate or volunteer to help candidates you believe in get elected.  If, like the majority of Americans, you think our gun safety laws need some common-sense improvement, political change is the most effective way to make tragedies like Newtown, San Bernardino and Las Vegas become far less frequent.

And for goodness sakes, put your own oxygen mask on first!  You can’t help anyone else if you are glued to your television, laptop or smart phone, watching the news and feeling paralyzed and hopeless. My BFF Lisa says she is “on a news fast,” listening to audio books instead of watching troubling news reports and social media, and she feels much lighter for it.

It is critical that you get up each morning and put on your mental armor by spending just 15 to 30 minutes on your own personal and spiritual development in order to direct your mindset and your energy in a positive, can-do direction.  Then go out and get after your own Big Dreams, just as you support many others in pursuing theirs.

Creating your OWN financial and personal success will make your candle burn even brighter for those who are searching the darkness for a ray of light to help them find their own Path.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.  

September 24, 2017

“What’s interesting is that most of us intuitively already know what we should let go of.  The challenge is to take action to end negative patterns, habits, or relationships that are getting in our way.” – found in the book Keep It Simple by Joe Calloway

A surprising number of my coaching clients confess to holding the Limiting Belief “I am not worthy” or “I don’t deserve” success.  I’m not a trained therapist so I don’t know exactly where this belief stems from in each of their pasts, but I have come to believe it’s related to a type of guilt that many people share.

If you have any degree of financial security, good health, loved ones, reliable food and shelter – in short, a good life — the tragic circumstances so many others are suffering under today can make you feel some degree of guilt that you have been spared. When you recognize how much good you have been blessed with, it’s easy to think “Why me?” and feel undeserving.

My job as a Personal Success Coach is pretty straightforward: to help my clients achieve their Big Goals with maximum speed and ease.  That would seem to require just making a good action plan and sticking to it until the race is won. Ah, but there is so much going on between their ears that gets in the way!  What has been coming up lately for some is akin to “Survivor’s Guilt.”

Survivor’s Guilt is a very real, crippling psychological condition that arises in some people who have somehow survived a traumatic incident in which others perished, such as a plane or car crash or war.  Intellectually, survivors recognize that they didn’t cause the horrible circumstance that killed their comrades, and there was nothing they could have done to save them, but they still hold deep guilt about the unanswerable question “Why me? Why did I survive?” It can paralyze them emotionally and ruin the rest of their lives if they cannot get past it.

Given that the daily news feed is filled with non-stop natural disasters and man-made atrocities, I see more clients than ever who are suffering from a lesser but still paralyzing condition I call “Striver’s Guilt.” They feel guilty for pursuing their personal dreams while others are suffering.  Or they feel guilty if they are making faster progress in creating a successful business than other seemingly nice, deserving people who are not having the same degree of success for their efforts. “Why me?” they wonder.

I recently talked with someone during a free coaching session who was suffering from “Striver’s Guilt” that had kept her from taking action on her Big Goals for her network marketing business for several weeks.   She said it felt selfish and petty to call potential customers about buying her company’s products or joining her in the business amidst all the terrible news of people losing everything to hurricanes or earthquakes.

I told her that I completely understand that feeling.  I, too, have been feeling helpless and sad and frustrated lately because it is very hard to see people suffer and not be able to help them, aside from donating to relief organizations.

But I also offered her a chance to view the situation from a different perspective than the Limiting Belief she was holding that “If others are suffering, it’s wrong to pursue my own success and happiness.” 

First and foremost, foregoing pursuing her own personal goals will not help even one other person who is suffering.  If you have personally done something that hurt someone else — intentionally or unintentionally — you should, of course, sincerely apologize and do everything in your power to make it right.

But if you are simply feeling guilty because you cannot do anything directly to rectify their situation, your guilt is not going to alleviate their suffering.  (It’s as illogical as when your parents used to tell you to clean your plate because there are starving children in other countries!)

And if you are succeeding in your business and someone else is falling short in theirs, feeling guilty about your own success is not going to make them successful. You can offer your suggestions and support, but ultimately, it’s up to them to succeed with the same tools you have been given.

When tragedies or social ills are widespread, it can make us feel helpless.  The solution is not guilt, which is a truly useless emotion because it never spurs you to take effective action. Quite the opposite: Guilt paralyzes your creative brain by making you feel hopeless and depressed, which makes you truly useless to help others.

Instead, we can recognize that, even if we can only do a little by ourselves – like donating or volunteering to a cause – that action sets up the right energy to draw others to the cause. And many people united CAN create big results. So, instead of giving off guilty energy, making you and others feel lethargic and hopeless, you can choose to embody “I will do what I can” energy that makes you and everyone who comes in contact with you feel uplifted, hopeful and motivated to create change.

Finally, it is important to know that feelings of guilt or unworthiness are a tool the “Inner Protector” part of your Ego uses to protect you from taking any “risks” it fears will threaten your mental, emotional or physical well-being.  Guilt provides a plausible “reason” for you to stay stuck on the sofa, which your Inner Protector thinks is the safest place for you, rather than out in the world pursuing your goals.

My intelligent free session client quickly grasped that her feelings of guilt that were threatening to derail her Big Goals could not provide one iota of help to any of the earthquake or flood or hurricane victims, but they did risk turning her into a kind of victim too.  Because our beliefs, thoughts and emotions either move us in the direction of our dreams, or hold us back, guilt is NOT going to put the Law of Attraction (which says that “energy attracts like energy”) to work for you, attracting the people, resources and opportunities you need to succeed.

She brightened up considerably when I pointed out that the increased financial abundance that would come from creating a successful business would allow her to contribute MORE to the causes she cares about. And that will make a difference for others, while crying on the sofa and avoiding picking up the phone won’t.

So, the next time you are tempted to ask the heavens the unanswerable question “Why me?” I hope you will instead ask yourself, “Why NOT me?” and “What can I do right NOW to make a difference for myself and others?”  Now, that is a question worth asking!

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next weekend off. Look for a brand new Cup of Caroll on Sunday October 8.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

“It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea.  I work with it and rely on it.  It’s my partner.” – Jonas Salk, developer of the polio vaccine

 “I expect the best, and with God’s help, will attain the best.” – Norman Vincent Peale, American theologian and positivity thinker

 I hope all my readers in the USA had a wonderful Independence Day last week!  I am hard at work on preparations for the Prosperity Summer Camp webinar that begins on July 18.  So, I am providing you with this lightly-edited blog that originally ran two years ago because the very same phenomenon happened at the end of last month too.

I believe it’s worth reminding ourselves that when we give up trying to control the “HOW” for reaching a goal, but instead release it to our subconscious mind AND God/The Universe to collaborate together, they will always come up with the perfect path to success for us.  Then we just have to show our commitment by taking the necessary ACTION on that plan.

August 2, 2015

“The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance will rise up to help you.  The simple act of commitment is a powerful magnet for help.” – Napoleon Hill

Today, I am celebrating the end of a month in which a number of my clients reached their BIGGEST goals through their willingness to be 100% committed to their own success, even when they didn’t know exactly HOW they would get it.

Several achieved a beautiful new Lexus, with the lease 100% paid for by their network marketing company.  A number of newer Leaders reached “Level 5” – the first major leadership level in the company’s pay plan.  In turn, seasoned Leaders who supported them soared to new heights themselves, as the new Leaders became the wind beneath their wings.

I am so impressed by the teamwork I witnessed among my clients – “upline” Leaders and their “downline” leaders actively helped each other to reach their individual goals.  The abundance mentality and camaraderie were inspiring. I want to share with you the key lessons I got from watching them overcome every obstacle that stood in their way, because these are the necessary components for reaching ANY Big Goal you may have:

  • You do not have to know how you are going to reach your Big Goal. You just have to be 100% committed that you WILL. There is no “try.” You are either 100% IN or you might as well sit comfortably on the sidelines and save yourself the effort. To me, the definition of “commitment” is a rock-solid BELIEF that you will reach your Big Goal coupled with a willingness to PERSEVERE in overcoming all obstacles in your path.  The “How” starts to take shape as soon as you demonstrate that you are 100% committed to your Big Goal. That’s when God/The Universe and your own subconscious mind collaborate to connect you to the people, resources and unexpected help to reach it in amazing ways.
  • You must ask for and EXPECT to get help and support. Every Leader I watched reach her Big Goal last month had lots of help from her teammates, friends and family. It can be humbling to ask for help, especially if you are usually the go-to person to whom others look for support.  Even star athletes in individual sports have coaches, trainers, sponsors, family and friends who provide the essential support that lets them do their best and WIN.  Doesn’t it feel good to YOU whenever you help someone else get something they really want?  You have to remember that the same is true for others and allow them the joy of being part of a Team goal that is bigger than themselves!
  • Don’t allow another’s lack of belief to affect yours. An emerging Leader who was running for a Big Goal last month received a scathing email from her well-meaning former boss, telling her she was crazy to be involved in network marketing and inviting her to come back to work for her in the “sane” corporate world. I was so proud of my client. She refused to get defensive or let another person’s perspective make her doubt herself or her dreams. She sent a short message thanking her old boss for her concern, but stating that she loved what she was doing, was successful, and was soon going to be even MORE successful. She went on to quadruple the size of her Team in just 30 days!
  • Watch your language. One of my seasoned Leader clients wisely coached her newer Team members to watch the words they used when talking about their Big Goals. She knew the immense power words have to influence BELIEF.  We literally “brainwash” our subconscious mind — for good OR for bad – through our choice of words. So she constantly reminded her Team members to say, “WHEN I reach my Goal,” instead of “IF I reach my Goal.”   Instead of “I’m no good at sponsoring,” she taught them to say, “I am getting better at sponsoring every day.”
  • Never, never, NEVER give up! Even if you are just a few hours from the deadline to reach your Big Goal, DO NOT mentally throw in the towel! The minute your commitment wavers, the energy of the whole Team flags and the game is lost. One of my clients reached her Level V Leader goal during the last 15 minutes of the month! She never gave up, so her Team didn’t either.  If Plan A didn’t work, they immediately turned to Plan B.  The unexpected blessing that came out of them all pulling together to help their Leader reach her goal was that two of the Team members whose businesses had been dormant for months suddenly revived their enthusiasm and are now back to actively pursuing their own success.

Stronger faith, greater inner strength, a sense of accomplishment, the joy of teamwork, learning to graciously accept help from others – these are the REAL prizes that come from being committed to reaching a Big Goal.  Public recognition, more money, a new car – these are merely the fun little “carrots” that God/The Universe dangles in front of your Ego to lure it out of its comfort zone so you can make the effort to grow and develop into the BEST you can be.  Thank goodness we keep falling for it!

IMPORTANT NOTE: A Cup of Caroll is taking one more Sunday off so that I can complete preparations for my upcoming Prosperity Summer Camp webinar. TUESDAY, you will receive a FINAL promotional email stating that registration is still OPEN through July 17. The six-module course begins on Tuesday evening July 18. I promise you that it going to be interactive, fun and create lots of new prosperity for those who join me! Your friends, family and Teammates are welcome to join the course, as long as there is still room. Please forward that email to them and encourage them to sign up ASAP!

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** The Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to offer someone you care about a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching!  It is absolutely F*R*E*E* of charge, with no obligation and no strings attached!  And if YOU haven’t coached with me in awhile and would like a “tune up” session please give yourself this gift!

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make this the BEST year yet, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call toll-free 888-503-8145.

 

 

“The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance will rise up to help you. The simple act of commitment is a powerful magnet for help.” – Napoleon Hill

What a difference a week makes! Last week, I wrote about how a (now) former client sabotaged his success by refusing to be accountable for his own decisions and actions. Today, I am celebrating the end of a month in which a number of my clients reached their BIGGEST goals through their willingness to be 100% committed to and accountable for their own success.

Several of them received a beautiful new Lexus, with the lease 100% paid for by their network marketing company. A number of newer Leaders reached “Level 5” – the first major Leadership level in the company’s pay plan. In turn, seasoned Leaders who supported them soared to new heights themselves, as the new Level 5 Leaders became the wind beneath their wings.

One of the things I respect most about the network marketing/direct sales business model is that it does not foster internal competition among the work force, as Corporate America does. In a traditional company, the Vice President has to die, retire, quit or be fired if YOU want to become the Vice President. It doesn’t matter how good you are, you have to get in line and wait your turn. But in a network marketing/direct sales company, every independent Consultant can rise to the very top – provided he or she is willing to commit to that goal and be accountable for taking the necessary actions to achieve it.

I am so impressed by the teamwork I witnessed among my clients – “upline” Leaders and their “downline” Leaders actively helped each other to reach their individual goals. The abundance mentality and camaraderie were inspiring. I want to share with you the key lessons I got from watching them overcome every obstacle that stood in their way, because these are the necessary components for reaching ANY Big Goal you may have:

1) You do not have to know how you are going to reach your Big Goal.  You just have to be 100% committed that you WILL. There is no try! You are either 100% IN or you might as well sit comfortably on the sidelines and save yourself the effort. To me, the definition of “commitment” is a rock-solid BELIEF that you will reach your Big Goal coupled with a willingness to PERSEVERE in overcoming all obstacles in your path. The “How” starts to take shape as soon as you demonstrate that you are 100% committed to your Big Goal. That’s when God/The Universe sends you the people, resources and unexpected help to reach it in seemingly-miraculous ways.

2) You must ask for help and support. Every Leader I watched reach her Big Goal last month had lots of help from her Teammates, friends and family. It can be humbling to ask for help, especially if you are used to being the go-to person to whom others look for support. Even star athletes in individual sports have coaches, trainers, sponsors, family and friends who provide the essential support that lets them do their best and WIN. Doesn’t it feel good to YOU whenever you help someone else get something they really want? You have to remember that the same is true for others. Please allow them to experience the joy of being part of a Team Goal that is bigger than themselves!

3) Don’t ever let another’s lack of belief affect yours. An emerging Leader who was running for a Big Goal last month received a scathing email from her well-meaning former boss, telling her she was crazy to be involved in network marketing and inviting her to come back to work for her in the “sane” corporate world. I was so proud of my client. She refused to get defensive or let another person’s perspective make her doubt herself or her dreams. She sent a short message thanking her old boss for her concern, but stating that she loved what she was doing, was successful, and was soon going to be even MORE successful. She went on to quadruple the size of her Team in just 30 days!

4) Watch your language. One of my Seasoned Leader clients wisely coached her newer Team members to watch the words they used when talking about  their Big Goals. She knew the immense power words have to influence their BELIEF. We literally “brainwash” our subconscious mind — for good OR for bad – through our choice of words. So she constantly reminded her Team members to say, “WHEN I reach my Goal,” instead of “IF I reach my Goal.”   Instead of “I’m not good at sponsoring,” she taught them to say, “I am getting better at sponsoring every day.”

5) Never, never, never give up. Even if you are just a few hours from the deadline to reach your Big Goal, DO NOT mentally throw in the towel! The minute your commitment wavers, the energy of the whole Team flags and the game is lost. One of my clients reached her Big Leadership Goal during the last 15 minutes of the month! She never gave up, so her Team didn’t either. If Plan A didn’t work, they immediately turned to Plan B. The unexpected blessing that came out of them all pulling together to help their Leader reach her goal was that two of the Team members whose businesses had been dormant for months suddenly revived their enthusiasm and are now back to actively working on their own success.

Stronger faith, greater inner strength, a sense of accomplishment, the joy of teamwork, learning to graciously accept help from others – these are the REAL prizes that come from being committed to reaching a Big Goal. Public recognition, more money, a new car – these are merely the fun little “carrots” that God/The Universe dangles in front of our Egos to lure us out of our comfort zones so we can make the effort to grow and develop into the BEST we can be. Thank goodness we keep falling for it!

****************** The Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

I invite you to offer someone you care about a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching! It is absolutely F*R*E*E* of charge, with no obligation and no strings attached! And if YOU haven’t coached with me in awhile and would like a “tune up” session please give yourself this gift!

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make this the BEST year yet, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com or call toll-free 888-503-8145.