Something Even Better – Blog 481

September 10, 2023

“Many of us are afraid to follow our passions, to pursue what we want most because it means taking risks and even facing failure.  But to pursue your passion with all your heart and soul is success in itself. The greatest failure is to have never really tried.” – Robyn Allen

This past week was a very fulfilling one for me as a Personal Success Coach, because I got to see two of my wonderful clients succeed BIG in their careers. Both women received something EVEN better than they had expected because both dared to follow their passions and believe they were worthy to receive the BEST.

I have told both their stories in past blogs, but this week brought some stunning, delightful updates which none of us could have foreseen.  I wanted to share the latest twists to their stories with you because they hold important lessons for all of us who seek to manifest our Big Goals with greater speed and ease.

My first client’s story about a career change that resulted from a serious health challenge was first told in October 2022 (From Patient to Physician – Blog 450).  She came to coaching because her high-paying, high-powered career was stressing her physically, mentally and emotionally.  She needed to make a change but wasn’t clear on what she might do next. She has a lot of marketing experience and great people skills, but the only job offers she was getting from her online resume were in the same field she wanted to exit.

After using the mindset tools I taught her to overcame her fears and limiting beliefs, she began to get clarity that what she really loved was the field of health care, but she was unsure what specific capacity she could serve in.  She knew she wasn’t up for going back to school to get a nursing or other degree in a whole new field. She had always wanted to help patients, especially elderly people, who were facing daunting challenges with the complexities of the health care system because of her own past experience helping her mother navigate the medical “maze” that comes with a cancer diagnosis. She wasn’t sure what direction she should take to start.

Then one day I received a mailing from a daily devotional I subscribe to which included an advertisement that caught my eye.  It was from a home health care assistance company that helps patients (including seniors) live independently in their own homes by providing the medical and emotional support they need.  They were looking for new staff members in various capacities, and even though I suspected the pay would be far below her current position, I thought it might be something my client could look into, as a place to start.

She was intrigued and ended up interviewing with a man who owned one of the franchise offices for the company that was located just a few miles from her home.  She and the owner hit it off immediately.  As they discussed her unique marketing skills, the owner came up with the idea of creating a position they hadn’t even advertised for — a new marketing position to help them grow faster through cultivating relationships with hospitals, nursing homes and other organizations that can refer new clients. Knowing his franchise operation was still too small to pay her what she was worth, the owner said he would propose to four other franchisees in the same county area that they might share my client’s marketing services for all of their locations.

There were a lot of details that would need to be worked out with this unique “shared” approach, and he told her it would take some time. He said, “I can’t promise anything” but he really wanted her, so he would try to put it together.  Initially, that was fine with her because she had been dealing with a serious health challenge that came up unexpectedly.  The one “bright spot” was that it required her to take an extended leave of absence from her current job to rest and recuperate at home.  The owner was happy to wait until she was ready to work.

During her recuperation, she realized what a great weight had lifted from her by being away from her stressful job.  She re-connected with her family, took better care of herself physically, had time to do more spiritual and personal development, and although her body was taking a long time to heal, she was truly thriving in so many ways.

Finally, after a far longer recuperation than she or her doctors had anticipated, she re-contacted the owner of the home health care franchise to see what the status was.  He still hadn’t made much progress at bringing the other owners on board in a concrete way.  They were open to the idea, but they still had not hammered out any of the details yet.  Again, he asked her to be patient and he would “try his best” to get a job description and salary offer put together in the next few weeks.

She was understandably disappointed. This had seemed like her “dream job” – at least as an entry into the field where her heart told her she belonged.  Yet, with months to put something together, this owner she liked and wanted to work with had proven that he was fairly overwhelmed with the day-to-day functions of his business and hadn’t made hiring her a priority.  She had to get back to some kind of paid position, so she reluctantly agreed to return to her old stressful job, but only on a part-time basis while she sorted things out.

My client and I were both puzzled as to why God/The Universe had seemed to lead her directly to this new opportunity, and yet it now seemed to be unravelling. I reminded her to keep expecting The Best outcome, and to be patient while the Divine details took time to emerge.  We both trusted that whatever was happening “behind the scenes” would surely end up being for her Highest Good.

Then, I got another “out of the blue” home health care advertisement online – this time from my own provider, Kaiser.  It recommended a different franchise chain that also had offices throughout our local area.  Something nudged me to forward it to my client, even though I didn’t know if she would be open to exploring this same niche again, given her disappointing first foray.

She surprised me by jumping right on it.  She found an opening that seemed like a good fit for her in an office that was even closer to her home than the other franchise’s and uploaded her resume and a strong cover letter.  She got an immediate call from the HR person and had several great interviews, including with the owner.  It turned out that particular owner was a woman and all her staff were women.  They all loved her and she loved them from the get-go.

In a little over one week, she went from applying to having the owner come to meet her during her lunch hour and offer her the job.  My client was elated.  The benefits, the training, the support were all better than what the first franchise owner could offer her.  The only sticking point was salary, which was a little lower than she felt she deserved.  She believed in herself and believed she had been Divinely guided to this position, so she countered with what she felt was truly fair.

The owner agreed to her proposed increased salary and bonus structure, sent her a written offer immediately, and my client was able to quickly give her two-week notice to her stressful old job.  The old job’s HR person told her, “I know health care has always been where your heart is.  We will really miss you, but I am so happy for you.”

As for the franchise owner at the first company, he ended up surprised and very sorry that he had foot-dragged too long and lost her. Still, he had gotten the bright marketing idea that his company needs to grow from his discussions with my client, so he benefitted as well. When he is truly ready to hire someone, my client believes the perfect candidate will appear for him, too.

Here are some useful take-aways for all of us from my client’s experience at manifesting a heartfelt, long-shot Big Goal:

• First and foremost, focus on what you WANT, not on what you don’t want. She knew the field she wanted to be in. So, even though she didn’t have any direct experience in it, she believed that the dream in her heart was purposeful and God/the Universe would find a way to help her fulfill it.  She worked daily on building her BELIEF – in her Big Goal, in her Higher Power and in herself and her value.
• Secondly, when things don’t seem to be panning out, don’t give up. Stay patient and trust that there are forces working behind the scenes on your behalf and that everything will sort itself out in due time. Even if it’s not on OUR timetable, we must trust that the Divine Plan always unfolds at exactly the right time. When she was fully ready to go back to work, her REAL Dream Job appeared “out of the blue,” ready for HER.
• Finally, have the courage to ASK for what you truly believe you deserve. Even though my client very much wanted the position, she didn’t settle for the initial offer. She knew she could provide beyond-expectations value, and after their conversation, the owner believed her and happily agreed.

When faced with apparent failure and disappointment, if you will follow these principles as my client did, you too can watch God/The Universe work on your behalf to bring you something EVEN better than what you thought you wanted!

NEXT WEEK: In Part 2, I will tell you the jaw-dropping story of how my second client turned an apparent career tragedy into triumph for herself by following these same principles.  Stay tuned!

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*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

To schedule a F.R.E.E., no-obligation, ONE HOUR Breakthrough Session of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com Slots are limited so please act quickly!

 

Perfect Timing – Blog 478

August 6, 2023

“Set your sights high, the higher the better.  Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future, but right now.  Realize that nothing is too good.  Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way. – Eileen Caddy

The manifesting lesson my client learned in last week’s blog (You Are Ready for Great – Blog 477) is that you never have to worry about HOW your Big Goals are going to be fulfilled.  You just have to ASK for what you want and BELIEVE that it is possible and leave the rest to God/The Universe to work out the details.  When we are willing to surrender the HOW, what we want often comes to us in ways we never would have thought of, even seemingly “out of blue,” without any specific action on our part. 

You will recall that client was doing her very best in her new position to use the right mindset and energy to attract the clients that would triple the income she was making in a commission-only business.  Then “out of the blue,” a new position came and found her.  Someone had given her name to a recruiter for a much bigger company in a different niche of her industry, one that she was very familiar with. If you believe in the Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”), as I do, you will see that her faith, her consistently positive attitude and her service-focused actions had everything to do with it coming to her.

Now, I want to share a similar story about another coaching client of mine which also features a surprising “out of the blue” answer to a Big Goal.  And it also illustrates another specific advantage to leaving the HOW up to your Higher Power – Divine Timing, which we can trust is always perfect. 

This client and I had been working together to manifest a well-paying job that could provide for her immediate needs, while allowing her time to pursue her dream of creating her own fulfilling creative business. Her ultimate Big Goal was to become her own boss, doing creative work she loves, with great income potential, that also allows her the time freedom to spend with her family. 

She had been working for a number of years in fundraising for a private school and, although she didn’t particularly like the pressures of that job, she was nevertheless blindsided and hurt when they called her toward the end of the school year and told her they were eliminating the position. 

In our coaching, we worked on helping her to maintain a positive mindset after that blow. While she felt relieved to be out of the pressure cooker, she still felt understandably de-valued.  Thankfully, she embraced the positive mindset tools I gave her and continued to scour online postings for any type of position that might use her skills.

Over the summer, she found a listing for a similar fundraising position at a private school that looked like it would be a great fit for her. The position was hybrid, allowing her to work from home three days a week and come into the office two days. The campus was beautiful and she liked the school’s educational philosophy.

Because it was part-time, she knew the pay wouldn’t cover all her needs, but she saw it as an opportunity to use her extra time to work on creating a business of her own and to spend time with her family and pick up her young son from school every day.  The interview went well, and it seemed to have many positives to it.  She courageously asked for a substantial increase in the offered pay and they accepted.

Unfortunately, when she started in the fall, things turned out to be not nearly as ideal as she had envisioned.  The desk they gave her was right in the middle of the open office, making it very hard for her to concentrate.  She had to learn new software and got conflicting instructions from different staff on what they wanted her to do on different projects. Worst of all, her supervisor often gave her extra tasks like shopping for and serving food at events that were not in her job description and took up a sizeable chunk of her allotted 20 hours a week, making her feel pressured to put in extra unpaid time just to keep up with her assigned projects.

She began to really dread going into the chaotic office, and didn’t get much feedback from her supervisor, so she wasn’t even confident that they liked her work. She continued to look for a new position online, but anything that interested her was at a fraction of her pay or wouldn’t allow her flexibility to pick up her son from school.

In an unhappily deja-vu scenario from one year before, the school let her know in May that they would be terminating her position at the end of June and replacing it with a new position in the fall that combined her current position with another part-time position.  It would be full-time and offered a salary that was very tempting. Her husband was all for it because of the big salary, but she was secretly dreading the idea of having all the current drawbacks now take up ALL of her time.

And, to her further surprise, while they offered her a chance to interview for the new position, they were interviewing other candidates as well.  We both agreed this was NOT the “Ideal Career” position she has been seeking, but to honor her husband’s wishes, she reluctantly agreed to at least interview for it.

Meanwhile, we re-doubled our efforts to engage the power of the Law of Attraction and to seek Divine Guidance to connect her to something ideal before the end of June, when she would be out of work, with no immediate prospects to get her though the summer financially. She kept putting feelers out to her contacts and looking online, but nothing was showing up.  In a definite step of faith, she invested several hundred dollars in an online course to help her start her own creative business.

Soon after, “out of the blue” someone she plays tennis with asked if she would be interested in a newly-created part-time fundraising position at a school right in her town.  The woman knew about it because her son attends that school.  The friend introduced her to the incoming board president and my client realized they knew each other from years ago. 

After a great interview, they were eager to offer her the position, promising her complete autonomy and the ability to work entirely from home.  Everything seemed ideal except the hourly pay, which was much less than she was making now. She bravely countered with a figure that was much MORE than she was currently making and they accepted. 

About that time, her current school sent her a letter stating with “deep regret” that they had chosen another candidate for the new full-time position.  With perfect synchronicity, in the middle of her last paid month at the old job she didn’t want, she was offered the new job she really wanted.

After a couple of weeks off for vacation with her family, my client started her new position in July, and got her first paycheck.  True to their word, the board members are showing her professional respect and appreciation by allowing her complete autonomy to set up everything the way she believes it should be.  She also has time to pick up her son from school and to complete her online training to start her new creative business on the side.

Not only did the HOW come “out of the blue” from a completely surprising place, but it arrived just as she was completing one job and ready for a new, much better one. 

That is what happens when we willingly follow the simple, proven formula for manifesting anything we desire: ASK, BELIEVE, surrender the HOW to your Higher Power, expect the BEST, and be ready to gratefully RECEIVE it in the perfect way, and at the perfect time – which is never one minute too early or too late.

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*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

To schedule a F*R*E*E*, no-obligation ONE HOUR Breakthrough Session of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com today.  Slots are limited, so please act quickly!

 

Take the Long View – Blog 476

July 9, 2023

“Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.” – Orison Swett Marden

One of the biggest joys of being a long-time Personal Success Coach (19 years this September) comes when a past client reaches out to tell me they have achieved one of their long-held Big Dreams. I got one of those surprise emails this week.

I believe her story holds some important lessons for all of us, so I decided to share it with you, in case your own Big Dream may appear to be currently stuck or even derailed.

I have been coaching “Valerie” off and on for more than a decade, through many ups and downs in her life.  She is bright, passionate, hardworking, spiritual and coachable – all traits I look for in my “Ideal Client.”  And, being human, she also sometimes shows tendencies to be pessimistic, resentful and stubborn.

Born in another country and culture, Valerie came to the US years ago after deciding her original career was not fulfilling her. She switched to a new major and worked hard to get an advanced degree at a prestigious US university, thinking that would be her ticket to a great life.

When we began coaching, her Big Goal was to land a high-paying, fulfilling job where she could actively use her unique and special gifts to carry out what she believed to be her life purpose.

She had many other heartfelt goals, of course, like getting married and having a child one day, once she settled into her desired new career.  She was picky about many things, with sometimes (I thought) unrealistically high standards for herself and those she wanted to work with and be in relationships with.

I gave her many mindset tools to help her attract the right people, opportunities and abundance she desired and deserved.  She was faithful about using those tools daily and being as coachable as possible.  Still, we spent a lot of time dealing with her frustrations that others seemed to be constantly disappointing her, cheating her, disrespecting her or overlooking her. There was a good amount of delay and frustration for her, and she had a hard time maintaining a positive mindset and learning to truly expect The Best.

Along the way, she overcame a number of daunting challenges, and the timing was always pretty miraculous in these “saves.” As I drew her attention to these positive results, she began gradually to believe that God/The Universe just might be on her side and actively helping her, after all.

Maybe there really was a Divine Plan for her life that was being fulfilled, but neither of us could see a clear “Big Picture” in all the detours and delays that seemed to plague her.  I just focused on helping her overcome each obstacle as it came up, and move forward with positive expectations and energy to attract what she desired to her.

While we worked on her career (which was really a series of short-term jobs that didn’t work out), she was beginning to feel pressured by her family to find a mate and have a child, as she was well into her 30s.  She was very clear that she ONLY wanted someone from her own culture and religion, of a similar age, who had never been married either. (Not even widowers with no children would qualify.)

I thought that was a really small pond to be fishing in.  At least she was open to finding Mr. Right in the area of the US where she lived OR back in her country of origin.  She was beginning to feel homesick and strongly hoped to land a job with a company that had connections to her country, so she could spend longer periods of time there with her aging parents and extended family.

One day, “out of the blue,” she got a notification that she had been matched online with someone she hadn’t even reached out to.  I seems her aunt took it upon herself to set up a profile for Valerie on a dating website that was just for her culture.  At first, she was really annoyed that her aunt was interfering in her personal life, but since “Sam” lived right in her city, she skeptically agreed to go out with him.

After their first date, she told me all about him: Smart, ambitious, thoughtful, kind. He was working in a tech startup and making almost no money, so his old beater car broke down on their date. She didn’t like the fact that his jacket looked like it had never been cleaned.  (Sam was clean, just not his jacket.)  He was the right age, had never been married, had all these great qualities, and seemed to like her. Still, she was ready to reject him because she didn’t like his jacket.

Sometimes, I just have to open my mouth, get out of the way, and let God speak Truth directly to my clients.  I summarized all of the great things she had told me about him and asked her if she didn’t think she was being a bit too hasty about giving up on him. I urged her to go on a few more dates before she decided he was Mr. Wrong.

Thankfully, she did.  They just celebrated their ninth wedding anniversary and their son just had his sixth birthday.  She still has not found a fulfilling career, although she has tried several options over the years. Sam, meanwhile, landed a great job in a Fortune 500 company that enabled them to travel and buy a house in their area’s expensive housing market.

Their son is very bright, but has had some behavioral and health challenges, and Valerie acknowledged that she would not have been able to give him the time and attention he needed while pursuing a challenging career of her own. We both expressed gratitude that she could devote time to her son and not need to work, but we were still wondering just what project or career God had in mind for fulfilling her life purpose.

Within the last year or two, it has become overwhelmingly clear to Valerie that she wants to move back to her country of origin.  Her husband isn’t opposed to it, but they have been waiting for a clear sign about the right timing, as it seemed risky to leave his high-paying job without having something solid already lined up.

Finally, the Divine Plan for fulfilling her goal became crystal clear: Sam’s supervisors had always been thrilled with his work and gave him many generous raises and perks over the years, but a few months ago, “out of the blue” he got his first bad performance review and soon was let go with four months’ severance pay.  Valerie said, “I was sad but also happy that he was finally free of the daily up and down.”

Sam applied to many companies in their area but didn’t get any offers. Then an old friend (“out of the blue” once again), introduced him to the founder of a company based in their home country.  She said, “He fell in love with the product and the company made him an offer as a founding engineer.” 

Valerie wrote in her email this week, “I am really happy. The last few years have been hard raising my son. Being away from family and having no family support near me took an emotional toll.  I am not sure if I had anything left to give my career and business.  I was feeling tired most of the time.  Now, in our home country, that would not be the case. I will have support and that makes the dream of manifesting a fulfilling career a real possibility.  I am happy now.”

She closed with, “I always think that I wanted to move back home and had no desire to live here. Probably that’s why doors closed in the US for us – who knows?”

Like all of us, Valerie’s Ego wanted what it wanted when it wanted it.  But now, it’s clear to both of us what the Long Game for her life has been about.  All of those random, “out of the blue” surprises were actually well planned and carried out by a Divine Mind infinitely greater than ours.

She wouldn’t have met Mr. Right nor had her wonderful son (truly her two BIGGEST dreams) if she hadn’t stayed in the US looking for work. She didn’t get the career of her dreams in the US because (she realized years later) she really belongs back home. There is undoubtedly where her ideal career for expressing her own special life purpose will be waiting. None of this was a surprise to her Higher Power, I am sure.

Valerie’s happy ending story proves to me, once again, that there truly is a Divine Plan for each of our lives and it’s always meant for our Highest Good, but we must leave the “How” up to God.

All that’s required of us is to keep our faith strong, strive to do and be our best each day, and wait patiently with positive expectation for the How to appear at the perfect time. When it does, we will recognize that the Life Path we have been traveling day by day has led us right to our ultimate desire.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog is taking the next TWO weeks off for a summer break.  Look for your next fresh Cup of Caroll on Sunday, July 30, 2023.

If you or someone you know wants your own subscription to this free weekly blog, just go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top of the page.

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones.  To schedule a F*R*E*E* no-obligation one-hour Success Breakthrough Session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

A Formula for Happiness – Blog 473

June 11, 2023

Last week, I shared some simple but effective “Tips for Happiness” from Professor Debbie Powers (You Will be Happy When…. – Blog 472) that got a big positive response from my readers. It’s no secret that “the pursuit of happiness” is something we all care about. 

So, I decided to also share this lightly-edited follow-on that gives us a deeper scientific understanding of just what creates “happiness” in humans plus suggestions for ways you can easily produce more of that happy emotional state we all desire.

June 26, 2021

“If you are happier today than you were five years ago, you are making progress. It is a lifelong journey that ends only when life ends. ” – Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

I recently watched a fascinating online presentation by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, No Matter What: Cultivate Hope, Resilience and Purpose in Hard Times. Dr. Ben-Shahar is an Israeli psychologist and Harvard lecturer who is the head of the Happiness Studies Academy (HSA), where scientists and academics study what creates happiness in societies across the globe, from the viewpoint of science.

He originally delved into this unusual corner of the field of psychology because of his personal experience, starting his academic career as a computer science major at Harvard 30 years ago. He appeared to have a bright future in every area of life — except he couldn’t shake the fact that he didn’t FEEL happy or fulfilled.  So, he set out on a personal quest to find out WHY he wasn’t happy.

Being a natural skeptic, he wanted science-based answers he could trust, so he changed his academic major and began to research everything he could find about the subject of how we can become happier as human beings.

Here are some conclusions from Dr. Ben-Shahar’s studies that we can all apply to our own individual quests for happiness and fulfillment:

Relationships are Key to Happiness

According to Dr. Ben-Shahar, the number one predictor of happiness is having close, intimate, supportive relationships. (Close social connections are also the number one predictor of good health in humans.)  It doesn’t matter if the relationships are romantic, work-related, friends, family or social, as long as you feel close to them and supported by them.

The Five Happiest Countries in the world are Denmark, where 93% of the adult population are active members of church and social clubs, Colombia, Costa Rica, and Israel where family ties are very strong, and Australia, where people put a premium on friendship with their “mates.”

Having Goals Matters More than Achieving Them

As we discussed in the last blog, you can’t focus solely on the destination.  That is the “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome that keeps you believing you can only feel happy when you reach an ultimate Big Goal.  He calls it the Arrival Fallacy.

It doesn’t work because the destination you seek is never enough.  Dr. Ben-Shahar says, “Once you reach Goal X, you are only happy for a brief time before you yearn to reach Goal 2X — it’s never ending.  The more we get, the less happy we become.”

He recommends using your imagination through “visualizing” to help you reach your Big Goals.  But instead of just visualizing your destination, visualize your JOURNEY to success as well.  Imagining the milestones you will accomplish along the way sets you up to become steadily happier, as you imagine yourself making progress toward your goals.

Get Regular Physical Exercise

The state of our body is also important to our happiness. “Physical exercise has the same effect on our psychological well-being as our most powerful psychological medications do and it works the same way,” according to Dr. Ben-Shahar. Walking, running, dancing and sports all work this way. He also gave a success tip: We’re more likely to exercise with an Accountability Buddy!

Practice Gratitude

Dr. Ben-Shahar evidently saw the same Oprah show I saw years ago, because he said it made him start keeping a Gratitude Journal, just like it did for me. In 2003, the first studies came out that proved there is a measurable value in keeping one.  The happiest people say, “I appreciate the little things in life,” says Dr. Ben-Shahar. “We can multiply the impact of success and our relationships/loved ones when we express gratitude for them.”

Address Unhappiness Head On

I found it very valuable that he also talked about Unhappiness and what we can do to alleviate it. He said that if someone you know is having a hard time, we can help them most just by listening to them.  Studies show that the most common element in all extraordinary Leaders is their ability to listen to others. 

“People feel better when others open up about their difficulties because we realize we are not alone.  We are in this together.  Loneliness hurts us psychologically and physically,” according to Dr. Ben-Shahar.

How should we process our negative emotions when they come up? “There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions.  Painful emotions are part of being human and we need to deal with them,” he says.

But just sitting with your negative thoughts is the least effective way to process them, because we tend to just go deeper and fixate on them. Instead, talking about it with a coach, therapist or friend lifts the emotional weight off of us.

Another good option for processing negative feelings is to journal about them. “Just writing them down helps us better deal with and overcome our negative feelings,” he says.

I was surprised to hear him say that a great way to release our negative emotions is to cry them out.  “When we cry, we release oxytocin (the love hormone).  It’s a natural healer inside us.  Let it out!  Let it do its work, rather than suppress it.”

Finally, Dr. Ben-Shahar recommends we make a point to participate in social groups and communities where we can regularly get together and share around topics we are interested in.

We are all leaders in our communities, jobs, social groups and among our families and friends. We need to share ourselves vulnerably and authentically, listen and feel listened to in order to thrive and be truly happy.

If you or someone you know wants your own subscription to this free weekly blog, just go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top of the page.

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones.  To schedule a F*R*E*E* no-obligation one-hour Success Breakthrough Session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

You Will be Happy When… – Blog 472

June 4, 2023

“Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes from the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.” – Theodore Isaac Rubin

If we wait until life is “perfect” and just the way we imagine it should be, we will likely never experience true happiness. 

This post from two years ago, which is updated with some new material, reminds us that happiness is an internal choice that we can make right NOW, if we are willing.

May 22, 2021

“Success is doing what you said you would do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease and grace.” – Maria Nemeth, Life Coach and author

I recently read a short, impactful description of what it takes to be “happy” that I would like to share with you today.  It’s by Debbie Powers, an athlete, coach and author and Professor Emerita of Wellness at Ball State University.  It was published by Body Wise International:

“Happiness Now”

By Debbie Powers

“We often convince ourselves that life will be better after we lose ten pounds, change jobs, get married or retire.  Or we’ll be happier after getting a new car, having that baby, or the kids growing out of the teenage years. It goes on and on.

Life will always be filled with challenges, so it’s best to admit it and decide to be happy anyway!  If not now, when?

Consider a quote from Alfred D. Souza.  He said, ‘For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, or a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.’

This perspective reveals that happiness is a journey, not a destination.  Control what you can with your diet, exercise and other health habits.  Keep your body fit and strong.  Then treasure the moments that you have.  If you are constantly waiting for Friday night, summer vacation, graduation, or paying off the house, you could be missing a lot of living.  Happiness is within each of us. Live today!”

As a Personal Success Coach, my job is simply to help my clients reach their Big Goals – whatever they are.  Some want a fitter body, others want a new love, more money, or a fulfilling career. Many of my current clients want to build a successful business. I give them tools and strategy and accountability and encouragement to pursue all those goals.

While I do not want to see anyone postpone going after their heartfelt dreams, I also realize that we must never postpone experiencing happiness by waiting for those dreams to manifest before we allow ourselves to feel “successful.”  Pursuing Big Goals gives life drive, spice and meaning.  The drive to strive for more is inherent in us as human beings. But the formula for a successful, happy life isn’t “push and strive until you get what you want.”

Debbie Powers recently wrote another post with helpful tips for creating more personal success and happiness for yourself:

“Tips for Happiness”

By Debbie Powers

“1) Change your thoughts. You have full control of your thoughts. Sadness produces more sadness. Positivity produces more positivity.  Enthusiasm produces more enthusiasm. Etc. etc.

2) Surround yourself with positive people. We become who we hang around. Attitude rubs off – both positive AND negative.

3) Think of what you are grateful for.  The simple act of expressing gratitude contributes greatly to a positive outlook.

4) Do something that you love doing. We all have things that make us happy – read, walk, listen to music, dance, go fishing, watch a movie, play tennis.  These experiences reinforce happy thoughts.

5) Relax.  Sometimes a negative mind is one that is bombarded with commotion. Take time to rest, nap, meditate, or reflect.  A calm state of mind attracts positivity.

6) Create a memory bank.  Replaying and savoring happy memories in your mind has a calming effect. 

7) Laugh. Laughing is like “internal jogging.” Laughter and its subtle companion, humor, can produce psychological relief from tension, anxiety, anger, hostility and emotional pain.

Life is currently throwing curveballs to many.  For health and wellness, your own mindful actions can make a difference. For most of us, happiness is totally up to us.”

I personally believe lasting happiness comes from this: Strive to do and be your BEST each day.  Keep your word to yourself and others. Be proud of each day’s big or little achievements.  Own each day’s failures and learn from them.  Be fully present to your life and everyone in it every moment.  Strive to be kind in all circumstances and to lend someone your ear or a helping hand each day.

COACHING RESULTS

“I have been coaching with Caroll off and on for six years….Most of all, Caroll has given me the gift of mindset and has taught me the small, simple tools to use in my daily life that make me a more grateful, well-rounded and successful human in all areas of my life.” – Ashley M., direct sales Team Leader

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones.  To schedule a F*R*E*E* no-obligation one-hour Success Breakthrough Session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

 

Reclaim Your Life — Blog 470

May 14, 2023

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, stepmoms, adoptive moms, fur children moms and mother figures everywhere!  I believe the greatest Mother’s Day gift you could give yourself is taking back control of your life.  Stand up to boss bullies, stop putting everyone else first, and you will discover lots more “Me Time” to enjoy what truly matters to YOU. This lightly-edited repost from last year presents some simple but effective strategies for learning to be “selfish” in a GOOD way! (And these all apply to men too, by the way!)

July 23, 2022

“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being – not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money – but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

My mother was one of the kindest, most caring and self-sacrificing people I have ever known.  Everyone loved her for it, but I also recognize that it probably meant that she lived with a lot of unfulfilled desires because she spent every waking moment worrying about and taking care of others. With her intelligence and creativity, I can’t help but wonder what she could have become if she had allowed herself to be just a little bit more “selfish.”

I confess that I am a recovering “people pleaser” myself, and I encounter that trait in many of my female clients who struggle with trying to serve everyone else, leaving them with precious little time and energy to pursue their own goals.  This week, one client admitted that she had not spoken up for herself and put herself at a career disadvantage because she feared being seen as “not nice.” I shared with her that Oprah once said that “being called ‘nice’ is the booby prize of life.”

Recently, I came across a great article by A. Pawlowski, writing for the Today Show, about a new book from Michelle Elman, a London-based life coach, titled The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them. 

Elman says, “A lot of people are really on board with this idea of self-love, but they don’t realize that to actually create time and energy to do any of those things, you need to be more selfish.”

Here are some specific recommendations from the book about how to put yourself first more often so you can live a life you love (and still be a good person):

Recognize the signs that you need to be more selfish

“When you are burned out and exhausted, or when there are people you can’t trust in your life, either because you fear confrontation or engage in excessive people pleasing, it’s time to prioritize yourself,” says Elman. If you are constantly feeling angry or resentful, those are warning signs that “your boundaries are constantly being crossed and not being reinforced.”

Rethink the definition of ‘selfish’

Instead of a negative, think of it as “asking for what you need and being very clear and honest about your boundaries.  Many people – especially women – feel guilty about being direct or saying NO, but they need to stop thinking they’re hurting others by doing so.

“You actually do people a service in your life when you look after yourself.  To set boundaries or be selfish, you actually need to believe you deserve to.”

Elman reminds us, “Just because you’re invited to something doesn’t mean you’re obligated to attend.” You are allowed to say “No” to anything you don’t want to do without giving a reason.  She recommends saying simply, “Unfortunately, I can’t make it work” or “I thought about it and it’s a ‘no’ for me.”

Banish guilt or the fear of being disliked

Once you see that others’ lives don’t crumble as a result of your “No,” you will begin to feel relief, pride and strength from taking back control of your time and your desires.

As for the fear of being judged or disliked, recognize that not everyone is going to like you anyway, no matter what you do.  Elman asserts, “Boundaries will never make the right people leave your life – they will only make the people who are taking advantage of you leave your life.”

Set boundaries at work

This is a tough one, and it’s one of the things my female clients struggle with the most.  They often have a boss or co-workers who seem to expect them to be available 24/7, constantly checking messages and responding  instantly at all hours.

Elman advises drawing a firm boundary between work and personal time. “Perhaps add an out-of-office reply to emails that says, ‘This weekend, I will have no access to emails and will get back to you on Monday’ or putting your phone on airplane mode at 6:00pm on weekdays.”

Unless you are an on-call First Responder, this should seem entirely reasonable to you.  If it doesn’t, it’s a sign you really do need to begin re-training your boss and co-workers.  Maybe they will even learn to give themselves a break too!

Let others know when they’ve crossed a boundary

Here’s where you really need to let go of that “keep quiet and be nice” B.S.!

Elman says she used to let hurtful comments slide and felt the resentment build up in her afterwards, which is harmful, both physically and emotionally. Here are some techniques she recommends to put a stop to it:

“If someone is being passive aggressive or outright saying hurtful things in a conversation, a simple technique is just to exclaim ‘Wow’ or ‘Ouch’ – it pauses the conversation and lets that person reflect on what they’ve just said without turning it into a big confrontation.

“Silence is another very useful tool: You don’t have to participate in a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable. People do notice,” Elman says. “If they don’t and insist on engaging you in an uncomfortable topic, you can just say, ‘Can we change the conversation to something more interesting?’”

Expect life to change

In the TODAY article, A. Powlowsi concludes that “Being selfish in a healthy way means people stop taking you for granted.  It also often means ending toxic relationships in your personal and professional life.”

Elman says, “As soon as you start setting boundaries and build that self-esteem, you realize that a lot of people in your life don’t treat you the way you deserve….Any relationship that was lost due to boundaries, these are relationships that should have gone anyway.”

I would add personally that it took many decades, but since I stopped being a “Yes Girl” and began putting myself, my goals and my happiness in a priority position, my life has become much easier, more peaceful and more rewarding.  I have more time to make a real difference for others, and I have nothing but positive and supportive relationships in every area of my life. I can attest that the effort was worth it!

I hope you will always remember that YOU deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life, simply because you are an inherently “valuable, worthwhile human being,” as Wayne Dyer says. In fact, you are PRICELESS and you deserve always to be treated that way!

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next weekend off.  Look for your next fresh Cup of Caroll on Sunday May 28.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this A Cup of Caroll blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

COACHING RESULTS

“I cannot say enough about the success I experienced by working with Caroll…After a few short months, a decade-long goal of getting my book 100% ready for publication came to fruition on the exact date we specified months before.  Caroll is a quiet, yet mighty force for good and I highly recommend her services to help you reach your goals.” — KD, author

 ****************Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

SUMMER SPECIAL!  New clients who begin coaching in either June, July or August will receive 50% OFF your first month’s fee, so HURRY! This offer won’t be repeated this year, so if you have a Big Goal you want to pursue – either business or personal — I urge you to schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E hour of phone coaching with me ASAP that will help you clarify what you want and get you into action to make it a reality: Email caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule a chat TODAY! 

 

You Brought the Blessing – Blog 468

April 23, 2023

“Life is made up, not of great sacrifices and duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort.” – Humphrey Davy

You will recall that in last week’s post (“Be a Blessing – Blog 467), I told you about the “challenge” one of my past clients, Andrea Schaff, texted to me in support of her dear friends who are facing the biggest personal challenge of their lives. Now, I want to update you on the outcome, which I am sure you will agree is pretty amazing.

To refresh your memory, here’s the message Andrea sent, along with a picture of the family, Brian and Kristy Jeansonne and  their five children Micah (18), Jonah (17), Nathan (16), Lucas (14), and Zoe Moon (11) who live in New Orleans, Louisiana.

“In September of 2019 Brian went for a run and noticed his left foot scraped the ground through his stride. After nine months of doctors’ visits and tests, what was initially determined to be minor nerve issues was actually diagnosed as Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) in April 2020.

“As the disease progressed rapidly Brian’s needs became greater. Until his tracheostomy in October 2022, Kristy and their children handled everything. At that point Brian needed round-the-clock care. To help the family, part-time caregivers were hired.  This is an out-of-pocket expense not covered by insurance.  Caregivers are necessary for Brian’s quality of life and for his family’s as well.

“Statistics show that it costs $150,000 (out of pocket) a year to keep an ALS patient healthy and thriving. The Jeansonne family has estimated their cost to be around $110,000 a year for Brian’s care and out of pocket medical expenses.

“Our goal is to raise $80,000 to help cover a large portion of his medical expenses. If you feel led to financially donate you can do so via Venmo to @thejeansonne7. (504-908-1004 is the phone number for verification).  The goal is to have as many people as possible donate $14 each.  Of course, if you are moved to donate more (or less), any amount is greatly appreciated. We would also love for you to follow along their journey!”

Website: www.thejeansonne7.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thejeansonne7?mibextid=LQQJ4d

Ig: https://instagram.com/thejeansonne7?igshid=Mzc1MmZhNjY=

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thejeansonne7?_t=8bSnWvJnJec&_r=1

Andrea’s personal challenge was to ask her own friends to contact “as many people as you feel comfortable reaching out to. This is what we are asking your community to do: Financially support the jeansonne7 by giving $14 (or more!) and personally ask 10 friends to also support the jeansonne7 by giving $14 (or more).  Do you see how this ripple effect could work? Asking a lot of people to contribute a little.

“If you are interested, I am looking for commitments!  How many people will YOU personally reach out to?  So, are you in?  If not, that’s okay too! Just keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. Be love. Andrea.”

Then she sent me a follow-up text that included the words, “Sometimes we all just need a little help.” Those simple, heartfelt words grabbed my heart and I decided to help spread the word with last week’s blog.

My cherished readers really responded!  Many took the time to let me know they were inspired that both friends and total strangers would go out of their way to support the family in this way, and so were moved to contribute as well.  Thank you!

I just followed up with Andrea to see how the campaign was going and learn more about Brian and his family that Andrea call her “best friends.”

When Andrea met Kristy Jeansonne 13 years ago through a mom’s group at their church where Brian’s father was the pastor, they became instant friends.  After his father retired, Brian founded his own church in New Orleans that has been a light in so many lives.

Andrea knows well what a huge challenge it has been for Kristy and their four teen boys and younger daughter to shoulder most of the caregiving duties for Brian as his ALS progressed. One day, Kristy shared her fear and anxiety about how they were going to be able to afford the part-time professional caregiving help Brian now needed: “How are we going to survive?”

That’s when the two women began to brainstorm how they could raise the money.  Andrea said, “We didn’t want to use a crowdsourcing site because they take such a big fee and the family needed every dollar. So, Kristy and I decided to try to do it ourselves.” That’s when Divine Inspiration stepped in and the magic started to happen.

“We sat and talked one night, and it was beautiful the way it came together. Kristy and I are so different in our approaches. We just went back and forth, each contributing ideas in a creative collaboration, and the message just poured out so beautifully.”

Here’s what they came up with: “We know times are tight for many people. We thought since Brian was diagnosed on April 14, 2020, we would ask everyone to contribute just $14 on April 14, 2023. We called the campaign Be Love Days.”

The two knew they couldn’t do it all by themselves, so “We recruited a team of supporters we dubbed the Busy Be’s who were very invested and had a network we could tap into.” (I was in her address book, so I was part of Andrea’s network.)

Their philosophy is that “Every dollar counts.  Every thought, every share is truly appreciated and valued. It’s like eating an elephant. Everyone can be part of this.”

Just as Andrea and Kristy hoped, the one-person-tells-10 “ripple effect” challenge worked.

To date, the Jeansonnes have received over $118,000 in donations, averaging $20 each, from more than 1250 individual contributors – all through good old-fashioned person-to-person communication!

When the total surpassed their wildest dream goal of $80,000, Andrea says the family were in tears of gratitude. Now, the Busy Be’s plan to sponsor Be Love Days annually, to keep the support flowing to them.

Even though Brian can no longer use his voice, Andrea says today’s technology allows him to communicate clearly. “He can use his eyes to ‘speak’ through a computer, and his mind and heart are still very strong. We see it as Brian’s legacy. He’s invested in people his whole life, and now they have a chance to give back to him.”

If you would still like to contribute, your support is very much appreciated! If you prefer to use PayPal instead of Venmo, you can send your donation to Kristyjeansonne@me.com. Be sure to designate it for “friends and family” so the Jeansonnes will get 100% of your donation, without fees deducted. And if you want to send a check, just email me and I will pass along the address.

I agree with Andrea and Kristy that “There is NO disappointment.  Even if someone just chooses to pray for his family, we so appreciate the support!”

If you have ever contemplated doing a small good deed but wondered, “The need is SO great, what difference can my little donation/kind word/help make?” I hope you will remember the Jeansonne Family and do it anyway.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones! To schedule a F*R*E*E, no-obligation one-hour Breakthrough Coaching session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

The Worry Game – Blog 462

February 26, 2023

“Father, thank You that I do not have to keep being trapped in worry about things over which I have no control.  Thank You, that You will provide me with exactly what I need when I need it.  I choose to rest and be at peace, knowing you will work it for my good.” – Joel Osteen

For the past couple of months, I have been re-watching the entire eight seasons of the HBO series, Game of Thrones. My husband and I first watched it during the pandemic lockdown, when I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about.

For years, I tuned out anything in the media about GOT, thinking (erroneously) that it must be based on some online fantasy game like Dungeons and Dragons.  But the final season in 2019 was such a hot and controversial topic in mainstream media, it finally got my attention.  So, with nothing much else to do in the evenings during the pandemic, I decided to watch it.

Like many “assumptions,” the reality was very different from what I had imagined! It is truly an epic tale, set in a made-up medieval world of knights and castles, which have always fascinated me.  It has dragons, undead warriors, epic medieval battles, many lords and ladies vying to sit on the Iron Throne (which looked very uncomfortable), and we were hooked.

I spent much of each episode holding my breath because the many main characters, which the series took pains to get us emotionally invested in, often were in peril, and some were killed in shocking ways that went against the normal rules of storytelling. Someone you cared about could be killed at any time!  You could not relax for a minute. Plus, the story had many threads and minor characters, so it was challenging to keep up with the plot and wonder how all these different story lines were finally going to intersect.

Around the 2022 Holidays, I decided to watch GOT again from the beginning because it was just so good. I have re-read books and re-watched favorite movies and enjoyed them again, even when I already knew the ending.  But I didn’t realize how much MORE I would enjoy it the second time, for one reason: I knew what was going to happen to each character and how it was all going to turn out.

You’d think that would lessen my interest, but the opposite has been true.  Because I no longer had to hold my breath, I found myself able to really focus on the details of each scene as the story unfolded, and to appreciate how the characters grow and change (some for the better, some for the worse), as they go through their personal struggles.

The plot hasn’t changed, but this time through, I am relaxed, so I can savor and enjoy the great actors and all that went into making such a landmark series. I can now be fully present in each minute of the experience because I am not WORRIED about the outcome.

Wouldn’t it be great if our real lives were like that?  If we knew in advance how a big problem was going to be resolved:  How will our loved one pull through a medical challenge?  Where are we going to find the home of our dreams or meet the mate of our dreams?  Will our business or career be a success? How will our “problem child” turn around or our marriage revive?

When you experience life as a series of unforeseen challenges and hoped-for but seemingly long-shot Big Dreams, doesn’t it often feel like you are holding your breath? That’s because you don’t know HOW it is all going to work out.

But doesn’t it always work out eventually? Certainly it doesn’t always go according to your own hopes and your own strategies. But somehow, you are still standing.

Think back on some of the epic “battles” you have come through in your life.  Remember the many sleepless nights you spent worrying about how they were going to turn out?  I know I have lain awake at 3 AM, staring at the ceiling, straining to figure out my own solution to a problem too many times to count.

But here I still am. Somehow, each of those huge “insoluble” problems got resolved — often in ways I never could have imagined.  So why did I waste so much energy and put myself through such emotional pain, worrying about how I would survive it?

The How was never up to me in the first place.  The How is always up to God/The Universe.  Only when — exhausted and unable to solve the riddle, my limited human ego finally surrendered control to the Divine Mind –was my subconscious mind freed to receive the How that led to the perfect solution and timing and my desperate prayers were answered once again.

When I think back on the “Big Problems” I thought would ruin my life in my youth, I have to laugh at my naivete. If only I had known the ending in advance!  I never would have lost so much sleep and so much potential enjoyment of life to needless worry.  I realize now that for long stretches, I was not fully present to all the GOOD in my life.  My “worry blinders” kept me so focused on trying to head off disaster or force something to manifest that I thought I wanted at the time, I was missing out on enjoying my blessed life and the wonderful people in it.

I won’t claim that I never worry about any challenge I face today. But now, just reminding myself that I have a life-long history of proof that I can trust the How to God, reassures me that there WILL be a satisfying ending.

And if you look back on specific examples from your own life, I know you will come to the same conclusion: It’s OK to exhale. It’s all going to work out in the end. You can relax and enjoy life’s thrilling ride.

COACHING RESULTS

“Working with Caroll is a game changer. Her approach to business, the Law of Attraction, and her accountability tools increased my business’ structure emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Working with Caroll also boosted my business confidence, allowing me to better understand the process of the Law of Attraction, which increased my patience. Monetarily, Caroll’s success formula can be accredited to two specific projects each netting me over $5,000, which without the formula, I wouldn’t have otherwise received.” – Blake Jones, multi-platform entrepreneur and business coach.

********** MAKE THIS YOUR TIME TO SHINE ***************

Is it time for you to give yourself the priceless gift of a positive mindset tune-up?  I invite you to take advantage of a truly unique opportunity – a F.R.E.E. hour of Success Breakthrough Coaching with no strings attached.  I promise to help you gain clarity on your Big Goals and exactly what it will take for you to reach them. Slots are very limited, so contact me ASAP to schedule your F.R.E.E., no obligation phone coaching session: caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

 

Train Your Brain – Blog 460

February 5, 2023

“It’s not enough to have lived.  We should be determined to live for something.  May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of person-kind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.” – Leo Buscaglia

In the last blog (The Secret to Solving Problems – Blog 459), we looked at the principle that helping someone else get what they want or need can attract to us the very answers we need to solve our own problems. This makes sense from both a Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) and spiritual point of view.  As pastor Joel Osteen promises, “While you are working their situation, God is working on your situation.” 

I just finished reading a fabulous book by Brad Aronson called Humankind: Changing the World One Small Act at a Time.  He was moved to write this book because of the many types of kindness shown to him and his family when his wife Mia was battling leukemia for several years. He thought about all the different types of helpfulness, compassion and kindness others showed to his family, and synthesized them into a specific focus in each chapter on different facets of what it means to be kind and contribute to someone else. 

Along with each principle of kindness and contribution, the book details many incredibly inspiring true stories that illustrate how sharing our time, talents and treasures with others can make a huge difference to one or many people – sometimes, even to the whole world. 

Chapters include the power of your words to change another person’s life by making it easier for others to accept help, being good company for someone when they need it, acknowledging and celebrating someone’s special occasion, etc.  At the end of each chapter, he offers a “What We Can Do” list of specific suggestions for putting that particular type of kindness into action in small, manageable ways. 

One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 8, titled “A New Lens on Life,” about how to change your own perspective about problems and help someone else change theirs. At the end, Brad reminds us that it is possible to “train your brain for positivity” by putting in place a few simple daily practices.  I quote his suggestions here verbatim from this chapter of Humankind:

• “Add yet to your vocabulary. Instead of “I haven’t found a new job,’ say, ‘I haven’t found a new job yet.’ The difference is subtle but your brain notices.
• “Change ‘I have to’ to ‘I get to’. My wife and I used to think some chores were a pain. We’d often say, ‘I have to do the laundry,’ or ‘I have to make lunches,’ or ‘I have to take out the trash.’ When Mia had chemo, she could no longer do those chores as regularly, being in the hospital or too weak much of the time. As she recovered, she regained her strength and she was ecstatic. ‘I’m so happy,’ she said. ‘I get to make lunch, I get to cook dinner and I get to do the laundry.’
• “See the positive. Studies show that when we see the positive more often, we’re happier and we’re kinder to ourselves and those around us. We’re also much more likely to see opportunities and solve problems creatively. Researchers have found, for example, that physicians, students, salespeople and toddlers perform better when they’re more positive.”

Brad then lists four specific daily actions we can take to train our brains to think more positively and therefore help ourselves and others to be happier, more productive and better at overcoming problems.  Even if you just adopt ONE as a daily practice, I can guarantee it will have a big impact on your happiness and the many forms of GOOD that you will begin to attract into your world.

“Luckily for us,” says Brad, “we’re not locked into a way of viewing the world.  We can choose to see things more positively.  Here are some steps you can take to, among other things, teach yourself to look for the positive more often.  Eventually, your brain gets into the habit of doing this and you won’t need any prodding – you’ll just do it naturally:

• “Compliment at least one person every day. Maybe you begin the day by sending a short email or text telling someone why you appreciate them. ‘Just wanted to thank you for being a great friend.’ Or ‘I appreciated your call yesterday. Thanks for being so thoughtful.’ Besides reshaping how you see the world, you might make someone’s day.
• “Keep a gratitude journal. Every night, write three things you’re grateful for. (By the way, researchers have also found that people who regularly write down what they’re grateful for are 25 percent happier.) You can also have a nightly family discussion about what happened that day that you’re thankful for.
• “Perform a daily act of kindness. When you perform a kind act every day, you’ll start noticing other opportunities to be kind, creating a cycle of positivity in your mind. Think small – a thank-you note or letting someone cut in front of you in traffic. (Yet another way to make yourself and someone else happier.)
• “Be mindful of who and what you expose yourself to. Who you spend your time with and what you watch, listen to and read all send messages to your brain that influence how you see the world.”

He concludes this chapter, “Training your brain for positivity takes time, but it’s a priceless opportunity to change your perspective and become a happier person.  Before long, you’ll see half-full glasses everywhere you look.”

The way Brad Aronson sums up the point of Humankind in his “Closing Notes” reminds us of Joel Osteen’s promise that when we are busy helping another, God is busy helping us:

“We don’t perform kind acts to be rewarded for them or to increase our life span – those are just possible side effects. We perform them because it’s what we’re here for. We were given the capacity for love for a reason, and the fact that loving acts tend to come full circle…seems to be confirmation that they’re the right path. Loving acts help others through difficult times – can you think of anything that has greater value?  Can you think of a better use of our time and talents?

“Our acts of kindness, no matter how insignificant we think they are, can be life-changing for someone else.  During Mia’s treatment, every person who gave us the strength to push forward contributed to our entire family’s making it through the experience unscathed.”

I hope you will read or listen to this wonderful book.  I promise it will lift your spirits and maybe even restore your faith in personkind, as it has for me.  And if you choose to follow some of its simple suggestions, I guarantee you will experience more happiness, fulfillment and abundance for yourself by making a little time to be helpful and kind to someone else.

Coaching Results

“Our coaching has made me change the way I am thinking about my work, my abilities in my work, and these carry over into personal areas of my life, too.  I am now more positive in my thinking about my work goals, personal relationships and my behaviors in both.” – L.H., yoga studio owner

********** MAKE THIS YOUR TIME TO SHINE ***************

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The Secret to Solving Problems – Blog 459

January 22, 2023

“You can’t sow a seed without reaping a harvest.” – Joel Osteen

As we begin another new year, loaded with positive possibilities, we still must inevitably drag some unwanted baggage into it from the past.

Chronic illness, debt, career disappointments, relationship issues, family issues, emotional issues — we ALL have something that we have struggled with for a while and cannot seem to find a way to resolve on our own.

That’s why I was so inspired recently by a talk I saw on YouTube by my favorite positive thinking pastor, Joel Osteen, entitled “The Secret to Solving Problems.”  YES, I thought. What’s the secret? I definitely want to know!

Turns out,  it’s nothing new. It’s what I have been studying for the past 30 years or so.  It’s basically the Law of Attraction, which says “energy attracts like energy.”  From a spiritual point of view, It goes back thousands of years. You could call it Karma or the Biblical principle “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

As Joel explains it, “We all face challenges.  The secret is to take the focus off yourself and help others. While you are working on their situation, God is working on your situation.” 

Focusing all your attention on trying to solve your own problem just makes the problem grow bigger. That’s the negative side of the Law of Attraction, because your energy (your thoughts plus the emotions those thoughts generate) must inevitably attract people and circumstances that are a match for whatever you are focused on. Like a magnet attracts a nail, negative thoughts will only attract negative things to you. In fact, it’s been said that “Worrying is like praying for what you DON’T want.”

So, how DO you solve a problem that you cannot handle with just your own strength and smarts?

Joel suggests, “Look around.  Where is there someone who needs support?  A lonely or sick neighbor, a co-worker who is struggling, a child who needs a mentor, a friend who needs help with their dream.”

Your energy of compassion and helping will attract people and resources to help you with whatever you need.

He goes on to say, “Get your mind off yourself and go be a blessing.  When it is in your power to do good, don’t put it off.  You set a miracle in motion for yourself when you help someone else. When you show favor, favor will come to you.  When you give, it will come back to you multiplied.  When your dream seems impossible, help someone else’s dream to be born.”

I recently read an inspiring true story written by Beverly L. Jenkins on www.inspiremore.com that is a perfect example of this principle that when you take the focus off yourself to help someone else with their problem, it causes God/The Universe (via the universal Law of Attraction) to help YOU with your problem. I quote it here verbatim:

“Tom Agnes is the store operations manager at Brooklyn Center Liquor in Minnesota. While he was out to lunch one day, one of his employees spotted a man rummaging through the free cardboard boxes at the front of the store. When she saw him selecting two boxes to use as shoes for his socks-clad feet, she took immediate and decisive action.

“When Tom returned to the store, he found his star employee, Ta Leia Thomas, who goes by Ace, working the cash register in her socks. He asked what happened, and she told him she saw a man with no shoes, so she gave him her own sneakers.

“Tom checked the store’s security footage and, sure enough, there was Ace pulling off her purple retro Jordans and handing them over to the stranger without even a second of hesitation.

“Ace says her reaction was automatic; she saw that he needed shoes, so she gave him hers. Not only that, but the shoes she gave him were her favorite pair and can’t be easily replaced. Still, the decision was simple for her.

“’He said nobody would ever give me shoes like that,” Ace recalled of her conversation with the stranger. ‘And I said, well, I’m not everybody.’

“You can say that again.

“Ace later explained that she was raised to help others, because ‘you never know what their problem is or what they are going through.’

“Even though the shoes were special to her, she realized instantly that they can be always replaced.

“’If my shoes can make somebody’s world a better place, you can have them,’ she said, adding, ‘Everybody in the world deserves to be loved.’

“Later that day, [Store Manager] Tom bought Ace a new pair of shoes so she didn’t have to work in her socks. He shared the video of her giving away her Jordans on social media, and the story went viral! People everywhere were quick to praise Ace for her kindness, and they raised $450 to replace her shoes.

“Then, Tom heard about Ace’s mom, someone she says is ‘all I have in this world.’ Ace helps care for her and, since they only have one bed, she lets her mom take it while she rests on the floor. That’s when Tom realized the best way to repay this generous employee.

“’And I’m like, ah, we don’t need to get Ace a pair of shoes we need to get Ace a bed,’ Tom recalled. ‘So, I gave her cash instead of the shoes to get mom a bed.’

“It goes to show that, sometimes, what goes around truly does come back around!” concludes the story’s author, Beverly L. Jenkins.

So, the next time you are tempted to sit around worrying or having a pity party for yourself over YOUR problem, raise your head instead and look around for someone or some cause you can help.  Give of your time, energy, resources and talents and you will plant seeds that will keep on producing in your own life and many others.  Because as Joel Osteen says, “You can’t do good for others without God being good to you.”

Coaching Results

“Caroll has been a powerful catalyst for positive change in my life, both personal and professional.  She has helped me recognize spiraling negative emotions and behaviors and guided me to a more powerful positive place.  She has shown me the power of positive, grateful thinking that has resonated with and changed me and even the people around me.” – J.T., Accountant

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next Sunday off.  Look for your next fresh Cup of Caroll on February 5. 

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