A Cup of Caroll

July 24, 2022

“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being – not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money – but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

My mother was one of the kindest, most caring and self-sacrificing people I have ever known.  Everyone loved her for it, but I also recognize that it probably meant that she lived with a lot of repressed desires because she spent every waking moment worrying about and taking care of others. With her intelligence, I can’t help but wonder what she could have become if she had allowed herself to be just a little bit more “selfish.”

I confess that I am a recovering “people pleaser” myself, and I encounter that trait in many of my female clients who struggle with trying to serve everyone else, leaving them with precious little time and energy to pursue their own goals.  This week, one client admitted that she had not spoken up for herself and put herself at a career disadvantage because she feared being seen as “not nice.” I shared with her that Oprah once said that “being called ‘nice’ is the booby prize of life.”

Recently, I came across a great article by A. Pawlowski, writing for TODAY, about a new book from Michelle Elman, a London-based life coach, titled The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them. 

Elman says, “A lot of people are really on board with this idea of self-love, but they don’t realize that to actually create time and energy to do any of those things, you need to be more selfish.”

Here are some specific recommendations from the book about how to put yourself first more often so you can live a life you love (and still be a good person):

Recognize the signs that you need to be more selfish

“When you are burned out and exhausted, or when there are people you can’t trust in your life, either because you fear confrontation or engage in excessive people pleasing, it’s time to prioritize yourself,” says Elman. If you are constantly feeling angry or resentful, those are warning signs that “your boundaries are constantly being crossed and not being reinforced.”

Rethink the definition of ‘selfish’

Instead of a negative, think of it as “asking for what you need and being very clear and honest about your boundaries.  Many people – especially women – feel guilty about being direct or saying NO, but they need to stop thinking they’re hurting others by doing so.

“You actually do people a service in your life when you look after yourself.  To set boundaries or be selfish, you actually need to believe you deserve to.”

Elman reminds us, “Just because you’re invited to something doesn’t mean you’re obligated to attend.” You are allowed to say “No” to anything you don’t want to do without giving a reason.  She recommends saying simply, “Unfortunately, I can’t make it work” or “I thought about it and it’s a ‘no’ for me.”

Banish guilt or the fear of being disliked

Once you see that others’ lives don’t crumble as a result of your “No,” you will begin to feel relief, pride and strength from taking back control of your time and your desires.

As for the fear of being judged or disliked, recognize that not everyone is going to like you anyway, no matter what you do.  Elman asserts, “Boundaries will never make the right people leave your life – they will only make the people who are taking advantage of you leave your life.”

Set boundaries at work

This is a tough one, and it’s one of the things my female clients, in particular, struggle with the most.  They often have a boss or co-workers who seem to expect them to be available 24/7, constantly checking messages and responding instantly at all hours.

Elman advises drawing a firm boundary between work and personal time. “Perhaps add an out-of-office reply to emails that says, ‘This weekend, I will have no access to emails and will get back to you on Monday’ or put your phone on airplane mode at 6:00pm on weekdays.”

Unless you are an on-call First Responder, this should seem entirely reasonable to you.  If it doesn’t, it’s a sign you really do need to begin re-training your boss and co-workers.  Maybe they will even learn to give themselves a break too!

Let others know when they’ve crossed a boundary

Here’s where you really need to let go of that “keep quiet and be nice” B.S.!

Elman says she used to let hurtful comments slide and felt the resentment build up in her afterwards, which is harmful, both physically and emotionally. Here are some techniques she recommends to put a stop to it:

“If someone is being passive aggressive or outright saying hurtful things in a conversation, a simple technique is just to exclaim ‘Wow’ or ‘Ouch’ – it pauses the conversation and lets that person reflect on what they’ve just said without turning it into a big confrontation.

“Silence is another very useful tool: You don’t have to participate in a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable. People do notice,” Elman claims. “If they don’t and insist on engaging you in an uncomfortable topic, you can just say, ‘Can we change the conversation to something more interesting?’”

Expect life to change

In the TODAY article, A. Powlowsi concludes that “Being selfish in a healthy way means people stop taking you for granted.  It also often means ending toxic relationships in your personal and professional life.”

“As soon as you start setting boundaries and build that self-esteem, you realize that a lot of people in your life don’t treat you the way you deserve,” says Elman. “Any relationship that was lost due to boundaries, these are relationships that should have gone anyway.”

I would add personally that it took a few decades, but since I stopped being a “Yes Girl” and began putting myself, my goals and my happiness in a priority position, my life has become much easier, more peaceful and more rewarding.  I have more time and energy to make a real difference for others, and I have nothing but positive and supportive relationships in every area of my life. I can attest that the effort was worth it!

I hope you will always remember that YOU deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life simply because you are an inherently “valuable, worthwhile human being,” as Wayne Dyer says. In fact, you are PRICELESS and you deserve always to be treated that way!

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking a “summer staycation” for the next two weeks.  Look for your next fresh Cup of Caroll on Sunday August 14.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this A Cup of Caroll blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

 ****************Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

SUMMER SPECIAL!  New clients who begin coaching in either July or August will receive 50% OFF your first month’s fee, so HURRY! This offer won’t be repeated this year, so if you have a Big Goal you want to pursue – either business or personal — I urge you to schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E hour of phone coaching with me ASAP that will help you clarify what you want and get you into action to make it a reality: Email caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule a chat TODAY! 

July 17, 2022

“A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” – Patricia Neal

What does it take to cultivate a “strong positive attitude” as an habitual way of looking at the world and dealing with whatever life brings you? One fun and easy way I have found is by noticing and celebrating the little “wins” that happen for all of us on a regular basis.

An article published in January by the Good News Network titled “The Small Victories that Make a Huge Difference in Our Daily Lives” is all about that.  Here are some excerpts from it:

“From finding a $20 bill in an old jacket to finally finishing a TV series on the watchlist, the average person has four small wins a day, or 1,460 every year, according to a new survey.

“A poll of 2,004 Americans delved into the impact of life’s little successes and found that four in five have become more conscious of their small wins since the start of the [COVID-19] pandemic.

“Baby boomers said completing chores, decorating for the season, and other home-related goals, are the most satisfying type of small wins to achieve.

“When it comes to self-care, 92% of all respondents have been exploring different methods of maintaining personal wellness – and 87% said recognizing any small wins each day is a crucial form of self-care.

“Respondents also listed things such as paying off a bill or hitting a savings goal (56%), and sweet surprises like getting a free cup of coffee or finding a great parking spot (53%) as other small wins worth celebrating.

“No matter the achievement, however, 82% said there’s no such thing as a win being ‘too small’ to celebrate.

“Best ways to celebrate small wins?

Fifty-four percent said telling friends and family about small successes is the best way to savor it.

Half said treating yourself to a special dinner or a cocktail is another great way to celebrate.”

In one of my favorite Law of Attraction books, The Gratitude Formula, author May McCarthy suggests keeping a pocket notebook with you and jotting down any small victories, breakthroughs, or unexpected windfalls that come your way each day.

Then she suggests you reach out via text or phone to a friend who has agreed to be your “Celebration Partner” to tell them about your “win” and how it makes you feel.  It really gives you an extra feeling of gratitude and acknowledgment when you can share your small victories with someone else.

It also makes you notice the GOOD things that show up in your life more easily. As a form of self-preservation, our brains come hard-wired to notice negative things more readily than positive things, in order to warn us of possible harm.

The Law of Attraction says that “energy attracts like energy.” Which means we really do have to make an effort to focus on POSITIVE things that happen to and around us, because whatever we focus our energy and attention on is going to attract MORE of itself to us.

That’s why in our twice-monthly women’s Manifesting Mastermind Zoom meetings, I always have each member share a recent “Win” so we can all give her an “Atta Girl” to reinforce her belief that she really IS attracting good things into her world. Last week, I shared that I unexpectedly got two attractive new pairs of prescription eyeglasses for FREE because I had a $350 credit that I didn’t even know about.  It made me feel even MORE blessed by this windfall when I shared it with my Manifesting sisters.

“Top ways Americans have practiced self-care since the start of the pandemic:

Spending quality time with loved ones (48%)

Not taking anything for granted (42%)

Writing down goals, small wins, big successes in a journal (42%)

Exercising/doing yoga (42%)

Spending time outdoors (40%)

Having more celebrations, even for small things (40%)

Unplugging from social media (32%)”

While we don’t know exactly when the pandemic will truly be over, these responses remind us that it has produced some positive new habits and attitudes in many of us.  Let’s hope we make the effort to stay conscious to, express gratitude for, and never again take for granted all the big and little “wins” that life presents us.  If we do, we surely will experience more and more of them.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this A Cup of Caroll blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

 ****************Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

SUMMER SPECIAL!  New clients who begin coaching in either July or August will receive 50% OFF your first month’s investment, so HURRY! This offer won’t be repeated this year, so if you have a Big Goal you want to pursue – either business or personal — I urge you to schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E hour of phone coaching with me ASAP that will help you clarify what you want and get you into action to make it a reality: Email caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule a chat TODAY! 

July 10, 2022

I recently came across this blog from a little over a year ago. Unfortunately, it seems that not much has changed for the better since then at the highest levels of our government.  On the other hand, there also continue to be legions of regular folks out there, in all walks of life, doing good deeds and speaking encouragement to their fellow citizens to help them through life’s everyday challenges. That encourages me.

I think this message is one we need now more than ever, since the media chooses to highlight conflict so strongly.  We need to remember that WE can come together with our fellow citizens to make things better for each other, right here, right now.

May 16, 2021

“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It’s been another one of those acrimonious weeks in Washington, D.C. with lots of mudslinging and snide tweets between political parties and even within parties. Just what is it they are trying to accomplish, we might wonder?  Have our “public servants” completely forgotten what it was that We the People sent them there to DO: help our country thrive and our citizens live better lives?  Seems so sometimes.

I think most of us find it depressing and distressing that people in all walks of life these days seem to have lost the will to compromise, be civil and work together for their mutual interests. Many, but thank goodness, not ALL people.

Whenever I get frustrated about the state of human relations, it always helps if I re-focus my attention on the many, many MORE people on this planet who are working hard on positive things to benefit mankind.  Quietly, with dedication and drive, they go about their work as scientists, medical professionals, front-line workers, teachers, animal rescuers, social workers, gardeners, salespeople, stay-at-home moms, etc., solving problems and making their world better. Sadly, we never seem to acknowledge or thank them enough for that.

From time to time, it is inevitable that we all will have conflicts or disagreements with others. But we must remember that their different political affiliation, beliefs or opinions don’t make them a “bad” person or an “enemy.” If whatever we focus on expands and grows stronger (and it does), then we MUST focus on the GOOD in others if we want to have productive, mutually-beneficial personal and professional relationships. As the Law of Attraction says, the energy (our thoughts plus our emotions) that we put forth always attracts back to us matching energy.

One of the recent inspirational emails I receive daily from Joel Osteen reminds us that we can create much happier, more productive relationships if we focus on others’ positive qualities and use encouraging words whenever we speak to them:

Sharpen Each Other by Joel Osteen

“This principle is true in relationships: If you see the good in your spouse, your children, and your friends, focusing on their strengths and praising them for what you like about them, that will draw out more good and improve your relationship.  People improve when you praise them for their good qualities.  Your spouse can have a hundred good qualities, but if you focus on the three things you don’t like, it will drive a wedge between the two of you.

“If you overlook the things you don’t like and focus on the things you do like, it will change the atmosphere in your home.  God put you together so you would sharpen each other. Don’t use your iron to say hurtful words that cut like a knife or use your iron to try to hammer out all the flaws.  The way you sharpen them is by praising them for what you like, encouraging them in what they’re good at, and cheering them on for what they’re doing right.  Be a voice that pushes forward.”

So the next time you are tempted to be critical of your family member, student, team leader or member, friend, neighbor, or anyone else, simply pause first and turn your attention to their GOOD qualities.

Then, if you absolutely must deliver some useful feedback or correction, be sure to do it in a tactful way that clearly shows your respect for them.

And even MORE often, whenever you see something praiseworthy in them, be sure to speak up and acknowledge them for it. That will surely create a relationship that “sharpens” you both in the best possible way.

COACHING RESULTS

“When I started coaching with Caroll, I truly didn’t believe I was worthy of success.  I self-sabotaged and listened to the voices in my head telling me it wasn’t even worth trying.  Now, I sincerely believe that I have something to offer and am deserving of the success I want in my life.” – Catherine B., direct sales leader

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this Cup of Caroll blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.

 ****************Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled****************** 

SUMMER SPECIAL!  New clients who begin coaching in either July or August will receive 50% OFF your first month’s fee, so HURRY! If you have a Big Goal you want to pursue – either business or personal — I urge you to schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E hour of phone coaching with me ASAP that will help you clarify what you want and get you into action to make it a reality: Email me at  caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule a chat TODAY! 

July 3, 2022 

“You should, you can and if you are brave enough to start, you will.” – Stephen King

Tomorrow is Independence Day in the USA — the day Americans set aside to celebrate the priceless gift of freedom that our forefathers bestowed on us, both in our sovereignty as a nation and in the precious personal freedoms we enjoy. As we pause to show our patriotism, we should also show our gratitude to the brave men and women who serve and sacrifice to help keep us free, and to those who stand up for freedom and justice in civilian life, as well. 

I hope this Holiday message from three years ago will inspire you to make the most of the opportunities you have been given to fulfill your own dreams and destiny! 

June 29, 2019 

If you live in the USA, I hope you will be celebrating this most American of holidays in a delightful way that fills both your heart and your stomach. But no matter where you live, I hope that you will join me in pausing for just a moment to reflect on what freedom means to you and your individual quest to live a life of meaning and abundance.

To me, being FREE means, first and foremost, that I have complete choice in how to live my life.  How it goes is truly up to ME. I am 100% responsible for my own success and happiness, because I am free to co-create my destiny with God/the Universe, as I choose.

This is very much in keeping with the Law of Attraction, which says that “energy attracts like energy.”  This means that the thoughts you hold – coupled with the emotions that result from holding those thoughts in your mind — create the energetic vibration that you are sending out into the world every second of your life.

Your own energetic vibration will inevitably attract to you the people, things and circumstances that exactly match your energy – just as a magnet attracts a nail.  Thus, whatever thoughts you consistently focus your attention on will eventually show up in your world in physical form – for good or for not-so-good.  You have the complete freedom to control your own thoughts, so YOU are truly the “magnet” for whomever and whatever shows up in your life.

Gratitude, as I am fond of reminding you, is THE most powerful emotion for creating a positive energetic vibration that will attract more good things to you.  When we are grateful for everything we already have, more of the same is attracted to us.  But when we focus on what is lacking in our life, what shows up is more lack.

In that spirit, I’d like to acknowledge here and now my profound gratitude for the many personal freedoms that I have been blessed with.  In particular, I am deeply grateful to the patriots of every gender, color, sexual orientation and ethnic origin who have sacrificed to ensure that I will continue to enjoy these precious freedoms throughout my life.

These are just a tiny fraction of the personal freedoms for which I am grateful, and which I am fully aware are still NOT available to many of my brothers and sisters across the globe:

The freedom to choose my friends

The freedom to choose my mate

The freedom to marry or not

The freedom to choose how many children to have (or none at all)

The freedom to choose my political party affiliation (or none at all)

The freedom to vote (or not)

The freedom to read the books and see the plays, movies and television shows I choose

The freedom to express my life purpose by following the path that fulfills me

The freedom to choose military service or to serve my country in other ways

The freedom to go to the church of my choice (or no church at all)

The freedom to travel throughout my country and to many other lands

The freedom to live where I wish

The freedom to express my opinion, as long as it does not harm another

The freedom to dress according to my own tastes

The freedom to spend my money as I wish

The freedom to choose my career and the people I want to work with

The freedom to determine my income – according to my personal beliefs about what I “deserve” and the value I bring to the world

The freedom to celebrate Independence Day just as I please.

So, what’s on your Personal Freedoms gratitude list?  I hope you will think about the personal freedoms that mean the most to YOU and express sincere gratitude to your Higher Power, your country and your fellow citizens who defend your right to enjoy them each and every day.

The freedom to fulfill your life purpose and to prosper is your birthright, but it’s up to YOU to claim it, appreciate it, and live it to the fullest.

If you or your friends would like your own F*R*E*E subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top of the page.

 ****************Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled****************** 

SUMMER SPECIAL!  New clients who begin coaching in either July or August will receive 50% OFF your first month’s investment, so HURRY! If you have a Big Goal you want to pursue – either business or personal — I urge you to schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E hour of phone coaching with me ASAP that will help you clarify what you want and get you into action to make it a reality: Email caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com TODAY!