A Cup of Caroll

June 18, 2023

“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads out there!  I hope you know how much we all need and appreciate you — not just your own children, but society as a whole.  You are the dependable role model for what it means to be someone who can be counted on to support us in good times and bad, and who will correct us when we need it, but always continue to love us even when we mess up.

As you may recall, the last two blogs were about a few simple practices you can follow to create a happier life.  The blogs quoted two experts: Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, an Israeli psychologist who is the head of the Happiness Studies Academy (HSA) and Debbie Powers, Professor Emerita of Wellness at Ball State University. Here is a recap of their combined tips for becoming a happier person:

Prof. Debbie Powers

• Change your thoughts to positive ones.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Think about what you are grateful for.
• Do something that you love doing on a regular basis.
• A calm state of mind attracts positivity.

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

• Establish close, intimate supportive relationships, whether at work, with friends, family or social groups.
• Have goals and pursue them. Visualize the journey to success and the milestones you will reach along the way, not just the ultimate destination.
• Get regular physical exercise.
• Practice gratitude daily.
• Don’t sweep unhappy feelings under the rug. Find someone you can trust to listen without judgment. Realize you are not alone. Become a compassionate listener for others, too.  Other good options are to journal your unhappy feelings and cry them out.
• Participate in social groups and communities with regular get togethers to discuss topics you are all interested in.

These are all great suggestions and if we just begin to implement a few of them, we will begin to feel happier and more fulfilled.

But there’s also a very simple, sure-fire way to create more happiness in your life that isn’t explicitly mentioned in these two lists and it’s one of my favorites.  PLUS, as a bonus, if you practice it, you will gain better physical health, too!

Prof. Debbie Powers wrote a great little article for Body Wise ®, a nutritional products company she consults for, about this “secret weapon” for enhancing health and happiness. I think it’s so good, I quote it here in its entirety:

Kindness for Your Health

By Debbie Powers

“When someone is kind to you, it has a positive effect.  You feel valued and supported. Do you know when you show acts of kindness, it is very good for your own health?

The two culprits that speed the process of aging are free radicals and inflammation.  Research shows that the hormones oxytocin and dopamine we produce because of emotional warmth reduce the levels of both these culprits in the cardiovascular system, slowing aging at the source. 

The benefits don’t stop there.  Small acts of kindness, such as sharing a smile, holding the door for someone, or complimenting a stranger can reduce blood pressure, increase resiliency, boost immunity, and reduce anxiety and depression.  Today’s world is overly focused on fear-based thoughts.  It’s easy to become overwhelmed by negativity. This fosters our brain’s primitive self-protection for survival, thus increasing unhealthy, harmful hormones. Random acts of kindness can also make us aware of the blessings in our own lives.

Additional research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences revealed another benefit from spreading kindness. People who spread kindness have a sense of purpose AND take better care of themselves by practicing preventive health care. More good news…being kind gets easier with practice. Just like a muscle gets stronger with regular training, a similar process occurs in the brain when you make kindness a habit. Your neural circuits change!

Ways to start a kindness habit:

1. As you go through your day, be alert to opportunities to be kind to someone. We often are consumed with what is on our minds and miss opportunities.
2. Try the seven-day challenge…one act of kindness every day for seven days. Make it anonymous, and not the same act (e.g. pay a toll for the car behind you; put money in someone else’s parking meter; drop off a toy at the hospital for a child; leave a flower bouquet for a neighbor; drop off pet food at an animal shelter; pay for someone else’s gas or groceries; put an encouraging note on someone’s windshield; pick up trash in a yard, street, beach; etc. etc.)
3. Think of five people in your life and make a list of all the reasons why you are grateful for their presence in your life. This helps you build a habit of thinking kindly. (And share this list with THAT person!)
4. Volunteer at community events.
5. Listen, REALLY listen, to someone’s story without thinking about what you are going to say next.

The good news is kindness CAN be contagious, thus reducing the stress, anxiety and pain so many suffer from every day.”

There you have it!  Even if you are not strong in other health habits like good diet and exercise, you can improve your health – and definitely your level of personal happiness – just by practicing being more kind.  I hope you will join me in following some of her suggestions, especially the Seven-day Kindness Challenge….You could start today by doing something nice for your dad or a dad you know!

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog is taking next weekend off to celebrate my birthday!  Look for your next fresh Cup of Caroll on Sunday July 2.

For Women Only: I hope you received my invitation this week to consider joining our Women’s Manifesting Mastermind if you want support in reaching your Big Goals and creating a life you love.  (That’s one of Dr. Ben-Shahar’s suggestions for creating greater happiness!)  Just email me and I will give you all the details: carollschwartz@att.net

For everyone: If you want to receive your own F*R*E*E* subscription to this blog three Sundays a month, go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your information at the top of the page.

June 11, 2023

Last week, I shared some simple but effective “Tips for Happiness” from Professor Debbie Powers (You Will be Happy When…. – Blog 472) that got a big positive response from my readers. It’s no secret that “the pursuit of happiness” is something we all care about. 

So, I decided to also share this lightly-edited follow-on that gives us a deeper scientific understanding of just what creates “happiness” in humans plus suggestions for ways you can easily produce more of that happy emotional state we all desire.

June 26, 2021

“If you are happier today than you were five years ago, you are making progress. It is a lifelong journey that ends only when life ends. ” – Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

I recently watched a fascinating online presentation by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, No Matter What: Cultivate Hope, Resilience and Purpose in Hard Times. Dr. Ben-Shahar is an Israeli psychologist and Harvard lecturer who is the head of the Happiness Studies Academy (HSA), where scientists and academics study what creates happiness in societies across the globe, from the viewpoint of science.

He originally delved into this unusual corner of the field of psychology because of his personal experience, starting his academic career as a computer science major at Harvard 30 years ago. He appeared to have a bright future in every area of life — except he couldn’t shake the fact that he didn’t FEEL happy or fulfilled.  So, he set out on a personal quest to find out WHY he wasn’t happy.

Being a natural skeptic, he wanted science-based answers he could trust, so he changed his academic major and began to research everything he could find about the subject of how we can become happier as human beings.

Here are some conclusions from Dr. Ben-Shahar’s studies that we can all apply to our own individual quests for happiness and fulfillment:

Relationships are Key to Happiness

According to Dr. Ben-Shahar, the number one predictor of happiness is having close, intimate, supportive relationships. (Close social connections are also the number one predictor of good health in humans.)  It doesn’t matter if the relationships are romantic, work-related, friends, family or social, as long as you feel close to them and supported by them.

The Five Happiest Countries in the world are Denmark, where 93% of the adult population are active members of church and social clubs, Colombia, Costa Rica, and Israel where family ties are very strong, and Australia, where people put a premium on friendship with their “mates.”

Having Goals Matters More than Achieving Them

As we discussed in the last blog, you can’t focus solely on the destination.  That is the “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome that keeps you believing you can only feel happy when you reach an ultimate Big Goal.  He calls it the Arrival Fallacy.

It doesn’t work because the destination you seek is never enough.  Dr. Ben-Shahar says, “Once you reach Goal X, you are only happy for a brief time before you yearn to reach Goal 2X — it’s never ending.  The more we get, the less happy we become.”

He recommends using your imagination through “visualizing” to help you reach your Big Goals.  But instead of just visualizing your destination, visualize your JOURNEY to success as well.  Imagining the milestones you will accomplish along the way sets you up to become steadily happier, as you imagine yourself making progress toward your goals.

Get Regular Physical Exercise

The state of our body is also important to our happiness. “Physical exercise has the same effect on our psychological well-being as our most powerful psychological medications do and it works the same way,” according to Dr. Ben-Shahar. Walking, running, dancing and sports all work this way. He also gave a success tip: We’re more likely to exercise with an Accountability Buddy!

Practice Gratitude

Dr. Ben-Shahar evidently saw the same Oprah show I saw years ago, because he said it made him start keeping a Gratitude Journal, just like it did for me. In 2003, the first studies came out that proved there is a measurable value in keeping one.  The happiest people say, “I appreciate the little things in life,” says Dr. Ben-Shahar. “We can multiply the impact of success and our relationships/loved ones when we express gratitude for them.”

Address Unhappiness Head On

I found it very valuable that he also talked about Unhappiness and what we can do to alleviate it. He said that if someone you know is having a hard time, we can help them most just by listening to them.  Studies show that the most common element in all extraordinary Leaders is their ability to listen to others. 

“People feel better when others open up about their difficulties because we realize we are not alone.  We are in this together.  Loneliness hurts us psychologically and physically,” according to Dr. Ben-Shahar.

How should we process our negative emotions when they come up? “There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions.  Painful emotions are part of being human and we need to deal with them,” he says.

But just sitting with your negative thoughts is the least effective way to process them, because we tend to just go deeper and fixate on them. Instead, talking about it with a coach, therapist or friend lifts the emotional weight off of us.

Another good option for processing negative feelings is to journal about them. “Just writing them down helps us better deal with and overcome our negative feelings,” he says.

I was surprised to hear him say that a great way to release our negative emotions is to cry them out.  “When we cry, we release oxytocin (the love hormone).  It’s a natural healer inside us.  Let it out!  Let it do its work, rather than suppress it.”

Finally, Dr. Ben-Shahar recommends we make a point to participate in social groups and communities where we can regularly get together and share around topics we are interested in.

We are all leaders in our communities, jobs, social groups and among our families and friends. We need to share ourselves vulnerably and authentically, listen and feel listened to in order to thrive and be truly happy.

If you or someone you know wants your own subscription to this free weekly blog, just go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top of the page.

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones.  To schedule a F*R*E*E* no-obligation one-hour Success Breakthrough Session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

June 4, 2023

“Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes from the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.” – Theodore Isaac Rubin

If we wait until life is “perfect” and just the way we imagine it should be, we will likely never experience true happiness. 

This post from two years ago, which is updated with some new material, reminds us that happiness is an internal choice that we can make right NOW, if we are willing.

May 22, 2021

“Success is doing what you said you would do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease and grace.” – Maria Nemeth, Life Coach and author

I recently read a short, impactful description of what it takes to be “happy” that I would like to share with you today.  It’s by Debbie Powers, an athlete, coach and author and Professor Emerita of Wellness at Ball State University.  It was published by Body Wise International:

“Happiness Now”

By Debbie Powers

“We often convince ourselves that life will be better after we lose ten pounds, change jobs, get married or retire.  Or we’ll be happier after getting a new car, having that baby, or the kids growing out of the teenage years. It goes on and on.

Life will always be filled with challenges, so it’s best to admit it and decide to be happy anyway!  If not now, when?

Consider a quote from Alfred D. Souza.  He said, ‘For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, or a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.’

This perspective reveals that happiness is a journey, not a destination.  Control what you can with your diet, exercise and other health habits.  Keep your body fit and strong.  Then treasure the moments that you have.  If you are constantly waiting for Friday night, summer vacation, graduation, or paying off the house, you could be missing a lot of living.  Happiness is within each of us. Live today!”

As a Personal Success Coach, my job is simply to help my clients reach their Big Goals – whatever they are.  Some want a fitter body, others want a new love, more money, or a fulfilling career. Many of my current clients want to build a successful business. I give them tools and strategy and accountability and encouragement to pursue all those goals.

While I do not want to see anyone postpone going after their heartfelt dreams, I also realize that we must never postpone experiencing happiness by waiting for those dreams to manifest before we allow ourselves to feel “successful.”  Pursuing Big Goals gives life drive, spice and meaning.  The drive to strive for more is inherent in us as human beings. But the formula for a successful, happy life isn’t “push and strive until you get what you want.”

Debbie Powers recently wrote another post with helpful tips for creating more personal success and happiness for yourself:

“Tips for Happiness”

By Debbie Powers

“1) Change your thoughts. You have full control of your thoughts. Sadness produces more sadness. Positivity produces more positivity.  Enthusiasm produces more enthusiasm. Etc. etc.

2) Surround yourself with positive people. We become who we hang around. Attitude rubs off – both positive AND negative.

3) Think of what you are grateful for.  The simple act of expressing gratitude contributes greatly to a positive outlook.

4) Do something that you love doing. We all have things that make us happy – read, walk, listen to music, dance, go fishing, watch a movie, play tennis.  These experiences reinforce happy thoughts.

5) Relax.  Sometimes a negative mind is one that is bombarded with commotion. Take time to rest, nap, meditate, or reflect.  A calm state of mind attracts positivity.

6) Create a memory bank.  Replaying and savoring happy memories in your mind has a calming effect. 

7) Laugh. Laughing is like “internal jogging.” Laughter and its subtle companion, humor, can produce psychological relief from tension, anxiety, anger, hostility and emotional pain.

Life is currently throwing curveballs to many.  For health and wellness, your own mindful actions can make a difference. For most of us, happiness is totally up to us.”

I personally believe lasting happiness comes from this: Strive to do and be your BEST each day.  Keep your word to yourself and others. Be proud of each day’s big or little achievements.  Own each day’s failures and learn from them.  Be fully present to your life and everyone in it every moment.  Strive to be kind in all circumstances and to lend someone your ear or a helping hand each day.

COACHING RESULTS

“I have been coaching with Caroll off and on for six years….Most of all, Caroll has given me the gift of mindset and has taught me the small, simple tools to use in my daily life that make me a more grateful, well-rounded and successful human in all areas of my life.” – Ashley M., direct sales Team Leader

I want to be of service to YOU and your friends, colleagues and loved ones.  To schedule a F*R*E*E* no-obligation one-hour Success Breakthrough Session by phone that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION on making them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and enter your name and email at the top.