Be Your Own Valentine – Blog 395

February 14, 2021

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” – Robert Morley

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Here is a lightly-edited fan-favorite post from last year to remind you that this official “Day of Love” is the perfect time to rev up your self-love.

February 16, 2020

However you spend your Valentine’s Day – with your sweetheart, a four-footed pal, a BFF, or just enjoying your own company – I hope you feel LOVED.  The most important person on the planet for you to love is YOU.

If you are not being loved, appreciated, respected or treated right by someone else (a boss, teacher, romantic partner, friend, upline, downline, co-worker, etc.), The Law of Attraction says that “energy attracts like energy.” Therefore, if you recognize that you are attracting people into your life who do not seem to be honoring and valuing you (especially if you see a pattern among several people), it’s a good idea to honestly assess how YOU are feeling about and treating yourself.

I have always loved two quotes from psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw and I often share them with clients who complain about someone who behaves badly toward them:

“No one will ever value you more than you value yourself.”

“We teach other people how to treat us.”

And, if you want to love others more, you first need to love yourself, human imperfections and all.  Remember, God/The Universe couldn’t create junk – therefore, you ARE a masterpiece.

There are two things I believe all successful people have in abundance: Self confidence and Self-esteem.  The former is you believing that you are capable.  The latter is you believing that you are worthy and lovable.

If you were raised by well-meaning parents to believe that loving yourself displeases your Creator because it is “prideful” or “selfish” or “stuck up,” here is a different spiritual outlook from my favorite positive-thought minister, Joel Osteen:

 “Love Yourself (By Joel Osteen)

Jesus said that if you don’t love yourself in a healthy way, you will never be able to love others in the way that you should. This is why some people don’t have good relationships. If you don’t get along with yourself, you’ll never get along with others. We all have weaknesses, shortcomings, and things that we wish were different. But if you see yourself as less than, not talented, and not valuable, you will become exactly that. If you feel unattractive on the inside, you will convey feelings of unattractiveness. That’s going to push people away. You carry yourself the way you see yourself.

People see you the way you see yourself. Perhaps if you quit focusing on your flaws and start loving yourself in a healthy way, being proud of who God made you to be, then as you send out these different messages, it’s going to bring new opportunities, new relationships, and new levels of God’s favor.”

Remember, there are only two opinions about YOU that TRULY matter: Yours and your Creator’s. If you steer your life by those, not only will you be happy and successful, you also will be able to radiate your healthy self-love out to the rest of the world and make a positive difference in the lives of many others.  And I can promise you that you will feel loved and valued in return.

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next weekend off so that I can attend a virtual coaching training.  Your next Cup of Caroll will arrive on Sunday February 28.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

Lessons from Dad – Blog 375

 June 14, 2020

 I am publishing this Father’s Day tribute a week early because I will be taking next Sunday off.  

 I hope you have plans to spend your Father’s Day with a wonderful father – yours, your children’s, your spouse’s or just a man you admire.  I gratefully acknowledge everyone who is a father or who acts as a role model/mentor for someone else. The influence of a strong, positive role model on a young child is one of life’s most precious gifts, and these heroes don’t get all the credit they deserve for fulfilling this challenging role.

 My longtime readers will recognize this post because I have published it before.  I wanted to do so again for one of my dear clients, who recently lost her beloved father after a valiant fight with cancer.  Kerri, your father was your best friend, just like my father was for me. This is in honor of both our Dads.

 “Love life, engage in it, give it all you’ve got.  Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.” – Maya Angelou

This quote from the late, great Maya Angelou perfectly describes the way my Dad, Professor Harbison Parker, lived his life.  Although his years on earth were far too short, he lived each of them with maximum gusto and I am quite sure he had no regrets when he died suddenly at age 57, right at the beginning of my senior year of high school.

My mother was my source of unconditional love, whatever minor discipline I needed, and the usual “always wear clean underwear for the ambulance” practical advice.

My father was my Playmate, Teacher, walking thesaurus/dictionary/encyclopedia, and my #1 Role Model.  I don’t remember him talking to me directly about values to live by. Instead, he just lived his life on his own terms, and I learned how I wanted to live mine by observing how he did it.

Here are the key Rules for Abundant Living that I got from observing the happiness and fulfillment my Dad derived from living by them himself:

• Be happy – Other than the day President Kennedy was assassinated, when I saw him cry for the first time, my Dad was invariably optimistic, cheerful and humorous. He loved to laugh at and tell jokes (especially bad puns), watched all the 60s comedy TV shows with me, and could find the hidden humor or irony in any problem. From him, I decided that hanging out with happy, positive people is the only way to go!  While I got my inclination to worry from my mother, I got my sense of humor from my father.  Guess which trait has helped me more in life?

• Be curious – My Dad was the most insatiable life-long learner I’ve ever known. He never passed a used bookstore without buying something.  He left behind boxes of notebooks and reading materials on everything from Elizabethan poetry to paranormal science.  It’s too bad he didn’t live into the Internet Age because he would have spent hours Googling everything.  He taught me how great it could be to know a little bit about a lot of things (which led a high school English teacher to dub me a “Renaissance Woman”). Dad never pontificated about his own views, but sought to learn from others’ opinions. His attitude set me up for career success because coaching requires more listening than talking, being curious instead of judgmental, and having a wide variety of resources at my fingertips to support my clients’ needs.

• Be creative – My Dad was one of the most creative problem-solvers I’ve ever known. He was an amateur inventor who came up with what he believed was a breakthrough system for teaching reading that was better than phonics. Unfortunately, he died before he got to finish it. My Dad taught me to stretch my imagination and ingenuity with his homemade inventions, like a teeter-totter I could play on all by myself, consisting of a long board balanced on an old oil drum and weighted on the other side with bricks that were equal to my weight. (This was in the days before “helicopter parenting” and Cal OSHA, you understand.)

• Be of service – By Dad’s example, I learned that while life can be enjoyable when we meet our own needs, it can be truly fulfilling only when we help others meet their needs. He voluntarily gave up a lucrative professorship at the University of California to teach at a community college where he felt he could make a bigger difference teaching remedial English to working adults striving to improve their lives.

Dad took a personal interest in Mrs. Edwards, an elderly widow in his night school class who wanted to improve her English. One day he hitched a trailer to our station wagon and filled it with boxes of hand-me-down clothes and a used refrigerator. Then my parents, Mrs. Edwards and I drove from Southern California to Tecate, Mexico to give her extended family these precious gifts.  I was just eight, but I still remember what the dirt-floored, one-room adobe shack smelled like, with all the flies buzzing about. I am certain those strangers never forgot my Dad’s generosity.

Looking back, our relationship reminds me a lot of the one between Atticus Finch and his young daughter, Scout, in To Kill a Mockingbird.  Like Atticus, my Dad was older when I was born, so we didn’t do much physical play together; our father-daughter bond was more spiritual and mental. And luckily for me, like Atticus, my father demonstrated by his daily life exactly how to be self-confident and stand up for one’s principles, while remaining respectful of the different abilities, values and opinions of others.

In short, Prof. Harbison Parker was my #1 Role Model for how to “love life, engage in it and give it all you’ve got.” And I feel blessed to be his daughter.

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next Sunday off.  (It’s the start of my birthday week.)  A Cup of Caroll will return with a new blog on Sunday June 28.

If you or your friends would like your own F*R*E*E* subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.

 *************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* hour of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com TODAY!

 

Bring the Value – Blog 369

April 19, 2020

“You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

In the last blog (Be Kind to Be Happy – Blog 368), we read about an example of kindness to others in this very challenging time for all of us.  Acting on an inspired inner urge, a man spontaneously stepped outside of his usual role of “newspaper deliverer” to deliver vital supplies to seniors and others on his route who were unable to shop for themselves while on “home stay.”

Each of us has gifts and abilities and resources we can offer when needed, IF we are willing to be bold and step outside the comfort zone of the usual “role” that we are comfortable playing.

Today, my wonderful husband Rick and I did a small kindness that will, hopefully, make a life-changing difference for one deserving dog and one generous family.  We are among the many volunteers for The Little Red Dog, our hometown grassroots dog rescue organization that finds homes for abused, neglected and surrendered dogs of all breeds, ages and conditions.

We picked up “Akua,” a sweet former Hearing Service Dog who was surrendered at the vet by an elderly couple who brought him in for surgery. The vet said it looked like he had not had much medical attention in his life. The Little Red Dog lined up a potential new home for Akua and needed transportation to pick him up and deliver him to a “meet and greet” with his potential new owners.

It was early Saturday and raining to boot, but we stepped up and drove the 30-mile round trip to shuttle Akua from the vet to his (hopefully) new forever home. As soon as he was in the backseat, lying calm and docile beside me, I forgot about how early it was and how I hadn’t had my Starbucks yet.  When we delivered an eager Akua to the nice young man and a skilled dog trainer from TLRD who met them at the home to oversee their matchmaking, I knew we had done something far more valuable than spending the morning comfortably lounging on the couch with a newspaper and coffee.

I hope you have been finding ways to help your friends and neighbors (and perhaps a stranger or two) get through this very tough time with a little more lightness and ease.  You bring massive VALUE to others, just by being a listening ear or running a small errand for them, as Rick did recently. He called one of his real estate clients, a single woman who lives alone and has a serious underlying condition, to ask if she needed anything.  She told him she was buying her groceries online and having them delivered, but with the last three orders, the shopping service could not secure toilet paper, paper towels or tissues.  Not a voluntary “morning person,” Rick got up early the next day to go to the grocery store during “Senior Hours” before the crowds, found the elusive supplies she needed, and then delivered them to her house in another town.  I was so proud of him for thinking of her and making that extra effort.

The Law of Attraction says that “energy attracts like energy.” Thus, the thoughts and beliefs you hold and the actions you take will inevitably draw to you the people, circumstances, resources and “good breaks” that are a match for your own optimistic, positive and selfless energy. Or, as The Bible puts it, “As you sow, so shall you reap.” By being good to others and bringing your unique VALUE to the world, you will receive everything you need, as well.

I, of course, have daily opportunities to help others with my coaching skills.  I spent time this week on several free session calls and thoroughly enjoyed being of service to those who needed some clarity, motivation or just a reminder of their own intrinsic worth.  My regular clients not only pay me with money (which is especially appreciated right now!), but also reward me emotionally by taking time to validate how the mindset tools I teach them are working to help them gain abundance and success.

One client is successful in her day job, but dreams of becoming the paid, published author she knows is her true calling. We have been working together for just a couple of months, so I was delighted when I got a surprise email from her, stating that she submitted a blog to a self-help/resources website that pays for content.

She wrote, “All weekend, I kept getting the thought to submit my piece to them.  I finally listened to my intuition (and not my head) and I kept seeing the email in my head that it got accepted.  [A little more than 24 hours beyond the deadline they had given for acceptance], they emailed me and said they were accepting it for publication and I would be paid.… I wanted to share with you what happened, as validation of the entire process.  I know that YOU know it works, but feel free to share my little success story with prospects or clients…. This is definite confirmation I’m on the right track.”

A second client texted me: “I just wanted to let you know about my Law of Attraction experience this week.  I made contributions to my son’s college fund, contributed to an F & B support fund, bought dinner for a colleague with a fiance in the medical industry and bought [Rodan and Fields] Soothe products to give away to medical staff.  The total was just over $1400.  Yesterday, I received a final check from a relative’s estate for just over $1330.  Normally, I would not have made the connection, but thankfully now I can recognize it.”

Just for fun, to close out the subject of value, here is a little story that reminds us that we ALL deserve to have a healthy (but humble) sense of self-worth.  After all, it was God who created each of us with our own unique gifts and attributes, and God doesn’t make mistakes! It’s up to US to use our gifts to bring VALUE to others, and then we naturally will be blessed in return.

The difference between dogs and cats

A German Shepherd, a Doberman Pinscher and a cat died.

In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.”

“Good!” said God.  “Sit at my right side.”

“Doberman, what do you believe in?” asked God.

The Doberman answered, “I believe in the love, care and protection of my master.”

“Aha!” said God.  “You may sit to my left.”

Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?”

The cat replied, “I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

*************** Give the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

I want to be of service to you, your friends, colleagues and loved ones, especially now! To schedule a NO-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me while I still have openings at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

Be Your Own True Love – Blog 363

February 16, 2020

“…Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39, NIV)

However you spent your Valentine’s Day – with your sweetheart, a four-footed pal, a BFF, or just enjoying your own company – I hope you felt LOVED.  The most important person on the planet for you to love is YOU.

If you are not being loved, respected or treated right by someone else (a boss, teacher, romantic partner, friend, upline, downline, neighbor, etc.), The Law of Attraction says that “energy attracts like energy.” Therefore, if you recognize that you are attracting people into your life who do not seem to be honoring and valuing you (especially if you see a pattern among several people), it’s a good idea to honestly assess how YOU are feeling about and treating yourself.

I have always loved two quotes from psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw and I often share them with clients who are dealing with someone who is behaving unkindly or disrespectfully toward them:

“No one will ever value you more than you value yourself.”

“We teach other people how to treat us.”

If we allow someone to mistreat us because we feel we somehow “deserve” it or it bothers us but we just keep quiet, trying to avoid “conflict,” their disrespectful behavior is sure to be repeated. If, however, YOU believe and behave like you are valuable, others will treat you that way. Or, if they need your polite but firm correction, they will definitely change their attitude and behavior toward you in the future.

And, if you want to love others more, you first need to love yourself, human imperfections and all.  Remember, God/The Universe couldn’t create junk – therefore, you ARE a masterpiece.

There are two things I believe all successful people have in common: Self confidence and Self-esteem.  The former is you believing that you are capable.  The latter is you believing that you are lovable.

If you were raised by well-meaning parents to believe that loving yourself displeases your Creator because it is “prideful” or “selfish,” here is a different spiritual outlook from my favorite positive-thought minister, Joel Osteen:

 “Love Yourself (By Joel Osteen)

Jesus said that if you don’t love yourself in a healthy way, you will never be able to love others in the way that you should. This is why some people don’t have good relationships. If you don’t get along with yourself, you’ll never get along with others. We all have weaknesses, shortcomings, and things that we wish were different. But if you see yourself as less than, not talented, and not valuable, you will become exactly that. If you feel unattractive on the inside, you will convey feelings of unattractiveness. That’s going to push people away. You carry yourself the way you see yourself.

People see you the way you see yourself. Perhaps if you quit focusing on your flaws and start loving yourself in a healthy way, being proud of who God made you to be, then as you send out these different messages, it’s going to bring new opportunities, new relationships, and new levels of God’s favor.”

Remember, there are only two opinions about you that TRULY matter: Yours and your Creator’s. If you steer your life by those, not only will you be happy and successful, you will be able to reflect your healthy self-love out to the rest of the world and make a positive difference in the lives of many others.  And I can promise you that you will feel loved and valued in return.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

*************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

The Moves You Make – Blog 354

November 10, 2019

“There are generations yet unborn whose very lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make and the actions you take today.  And tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next. Your life and what you do with it matters forever.” –from The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews

This quote struck me as very appropriate for Veterans Day Weekend, because those who serve our country and the sacrifices that they and their loved ones voluntarily make surely have a huge impact on generations to come.  We can never adequately thank them nor repay the debt we owe them, but we must try.

And for the rest of us, this quote also applies.  Maybe you don’t think of the things you do in your daily life as having an impact on generations yet unborn, but each and every one of us makes a difference in the days we spend on this earth.

I recently read two different short excerpts about integrity from Eric Harvey’s “The Leadership Solution” published by WalkTheTalk.com, a great free daily blog you may want to subscribe to if you are interested in leadership and building a cohesive, successful team or organization.

I wanted to share them with you because they remind me of the honor, courage and commitment exemplified by the men and women who serve in uniform.

 “Here is an ETHICAL ACTION TEST for you to use from the bestseller Ethics 4 Everyone: The Handbook for Integrity-Based Business Practices by Eric Harvey and Scott Airitam

1. Is it legal?
2. Does it comply with our rules and guidelines?
3. Is it in-sync with our organizational values?
4. Will I be comfortable and guilt free if I do it?
5. Does it match our stated commitments and guarantees?
6. Would I do it to my family and friends?
7. Would I be perfectly OK with someone doing it to me?
8. Would the most ethical person I know do it?

Answering “NO” to one or more of these would suggest the need to develop an alternative strategy or seek counsel and advice from appropriate sources.  Lead well.  Lead right.”

The second excerpt is from the new Start Right…Stay Right employee handbook that you can use to remind your Team members (and yourself) of the importance of keeping their commitments:

“Trustworthy, dependable, reliable.  What do these words describe to you?  Would others say that your word is your bond?  Successful people in life and at work place a premium on keeping their promises and commitments.  If they say they’ll do something, they DO it! They count on the fact that people can count on them.  And, they understand that statements like ‘I was gonna, or I mean to, or I haven’t forgotten’ all translate the same way: I JUST DIDN’T DO IT!  Those are just lame excuses, so they are close to meaningless.

Most of the time, we DO intend to keep ‘our word’ and promises, but good intentions only take you so far. You get no ‘points’ for developing the expectation; you only get ‘points’ when you deliver.

So don’t make promises lightly.  When you do make commitments to your manager, your co-worker, or your customer [or Team members], do what it takes to make good on them. Those people are depending on you. Those people are expecting you to keep your word.  Your reputation is at stake, and your success at work and in life is on the line.” – Eric Harvey

I would add that keeping your word to your family and friends is just as critical as it is in your job or business.  You can’t create lasting success and prosperity in ANY area of life if you do not live with integrity in EVERY area of life – especially with yourself.  If you break your word to yourself (e.g. not going to the gym, breaking your diet, blowing off those prospecting calls), you will soon learn that you cannot trust yourself.  And that is the beginning of the end of your self-esteem and self-confidence.

But if we hold ourselves to living by these clear, simple integrity guidelines, we, too, can aspire to make a positive impact on the world, each of us in our own unique and priceless way.

If you would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website at https://www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com TODAY!

 

Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late – Blog 348

September 8, 2019

“Next time someone comes into your life…try accepting them unconditionally, with absolutely no judgment.  Expect nothing from them.  Take 100% responsibility for the relationship.  Act as if your life depends on it.  You’ll give them the gift of acceptance and who knows what you’ll receive in return.” – Found in The 100/0 Principle: The Secrete of Great Relationships

Today’s is not the topic I was planning to write about. This blog is raw and straight from the heart.

It may make you uncomfortable.  I don’t know how you will react.  But it’s been on my mind for a while now, and the message keeps coming up over and over from my clients and friends: PLEASE don’t wait another day to reconnect, to forgive or clear the air and be forgiven by someone you care about.  Say what you need to say to them.  Make amends if it is called for.  Ask them to forgive some transgression of yours or tell them why you need to forgive them and work it out with them until the air is clear.

Do not believe they could never exit your life forever, leaving you with a heavy burden of guilt and sadness. Don’t think you have plenty of time ahead of you to put off the uncomfortable or awkward conversation until tomorrow.  Tomorrow may not be there for them.

Here’s what precipitated this urgent message from me to you: Two people I know recently passed away unexpectedly, leaving some who were once close to them feeling shattered by remorse, regret or the emotional pain of knowing they didn’t reach out to the deceased to have a final reconciliation with them before it was too late.

One of the two who passed away was someone I haven’t seen in probably 15 years.  At one time, he was my brother-in-law.  I had known him as a friend since college. He was cute, smart and funny and I liked him a lot.  When I divorced his brother, I lost touch with him.  We simply became geographically distant and busy with very different lifestyles and there was no reason to stay in touch.

I recently got the word through my ex-husband that his brother passed away after a fairly prolonged illness.  I was shocked and sad, of course.  I remembered a lot of laughter and good times with my former brother-in-law over the years.  But I don’t have any regrets.  There was nothing unsaid between us that keeps me from being at peace.

But the story is much different for another friend from our youth who had been close friends with my former BIL.  He had lost touch with him too, but the fallout from that was much different for him.  He was apparently hurt that my former BIL wasn’t making more of an effort to keep their friendship alive after they moved apart geographically and created much different lifestyles, and so he basically (purposely) gave my former BIL the cold shoulder.

When he heard the shocking news, and realized he hadn’t even known of his friend’s illness, he was filled with guilt and remorse.    He knows that he could have been kinder, more gracious, more understanding and forgiving of any shortcomings his friend had.  Now it’s too late to reconcile and tell him how much he loved him.  He is almost inconsolable about it, even though the two of them hadn’t spoken in a decade.

I also attended a funeral today for a woman who passed very suddenly.  I didn’t know her well personally, but she was the sister of our good friends and we had socialized with her a bit at family gatherings.  Most of what I knew about her was through what they told us about her lifestyle.  It wasn’t usually very complimentary.  In the past decade or so, she led a troubled life in many respects, and her family was often exasperated with her behavior and regular need for their help. They couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just be a functioning adult like them.

But today at the funeral, they were all crying and clearly missing her very much.  With her remains in front of them in an urn, they focused solely on the many good things about her life. They reminisced about the adventurous, talented and amazing things she had accomplished in her youth and how giving and responsible she had been toward them as their older sister.  They were remembering a different person than the one they had been judging harshly in the last years of her life.

I know they would give anything to have her back for just one more day, to kiss and hug her and tell her how much they love her.  I couldn’t help but wish they could have done more of that when she was alive.

I am not trying to judge them either. I know it can feel frustrating when someone just can’t seem to live up to our minimal standards and expectations.  But that’s the problem – they are OUR expectations.

Wouldn’t it be a different, better world if we could ALL love each other for exactly who we ARE (and who we’re NOT)?  Wouldn’t we all be happier if we could strive to accept each other unconditionally and do our best to be kind and compassionate toward each other… and especially to listen, really LISTEN to each other and get to know the REAL souls inside us?

Each and every one of us is talented, amazing, giving and responsible.  And we are also selfish and immature, thoughtless and petty.  If we acknowledge that about ourselves, then we can acknowledge it about others, too.  And maybe, just maybe, we can relate to them and treat them the way we would like to be seen and treated – as PRICELESS.

And if we did, I bet we would feel a lot less regret when we get the shocking news that someone we knew (and probably loved) is suddenly gone, and there’s no second chance to put things right between us.

I say, DON’T WAIT for that sad day.  Reach out to them NOW.  I promise that they miss you as much as you miss them.  They’re just waiting to hear your voice.

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

Enough! Blog 347

August 18, 2019

“You are valuable because you exist.  Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” — Max Lucado, author and pastor

Today’s blog topic came to me from a conversation I had this week with a client who was having a mini-meltdown on our call over her perceived shortcomings when it came to being productive. This is the end of her summer, as she is preparing to resume teaching school next week.

She was beating herself up for watching too much TV and spending too much time on social media recently, when she believed she should have used every available minute of her final free time to build her network marketing business.

For most of the summer, she has had to deal with a series of complex family issues, principally, the unexpected serous illness of her parent. Other family members also needed her support with health and financial issues.  Nevertheless, she felt guilty for not doing and being “more” for the past couple of weeks.

I imagine she expected me to agree with her harsh self-assessment and give her an accountability lecture.  Instead, I surprised her by recommending that she lighten the mental and emotional burden she has placed on herself with a big ol’ dollop of grace and self-love.

Of course, I support playing full out for a Big Goal.  If you really, really want something – especially if it has a drop-dead deadline – you need to be willing to work smart every available minute and use every mindset and Law of Attraction (“energy attracts like energy”) tool available to help you succeed.  Playing full out demonstrates your commitment to your Big Goal and causes God/The Universe and your own subconscious mind to conspire together to give you a boost with the “How.”

But there’s a hidden danger if you are always running at breakneck speed from one goal to the next.  While reaching important short-term goals can require a full-out sprint for a limited period, achieving long-term success is more like running a marathon.  You have to pace yourself or you risk physical and emotional burnout, as I believe my client was experiencing.

Most importantly, you must always remember that you are not defined by your achievements.  You are valuable and worthy simply for being the unique and special person you are.

As a Personal Success Coach, my job is to help my clients get whatever they want in life.  The Big Goal they choose to pursue is up to them – greater prosperity, a fitter body, a loving relationship or a successful business.  Nobody, including me, can tell them what their heartfelt goals should be.  Nor should they put undue pressure on themselves to reach those goals at the expense of having life balance, fun and fulfillment.  If they become so driven to succeed that pursuing their Big Goal feels like a burden, I recommend taking a step back to examine their true motivation.

Many people have a strong “Why” for pursuing a goal, especially a financial goal.  One of my clients wants to succeed at her business so her mother can retire from her job.  Several want their spouses to be able to quit their jobs to pursue their dreams or spend more time with their family.  Some are motivated to financially support a cause they care deeply about. Those are all great reasons for consistently doing the daily activities that will get them closer to their goals with a sense of joy and enthusiasm.

But I have seen some people approach their daily tasks with a joyless, teeth-gritted, “this is hard, but I MUST do it” mindset and energy. I believe they are actually driven by the idea that they must prove their value through their achievements.  Their sense of self-worth depends on outer successes and the approval of others.

One of my clients recently shared a journaling she had done to explore her Limiting Belief that “If I give it my all and fail, my life has been a waste.”  This was her Ego’s internal worst case scenario about what might happen if she didn’t reach the level of success in her business that she wanted.  In the course of her self-exploration, she had the Ah-Ha Moment that she doesn’t remember her father saying “I love you” very often when she was growing up.  But she does remember him frequently saying, “I am so proud of you.”

Thus, her father’s pride in her accomplishments became her Ego’s path to “earning” the unconditional love she truly craved. She wrote, “I think this has sort of made me think that if I can’t do something that makes a splash, it’s not worth doing and certainly not worth talking about. So I find myself striving for that over-achiever status.  I feel like anything less is pointless and even something to feel shameful about, so I just don’t talk about it.”

Being human, I am sure each of us has felt at some time that we are not good enough. For some, it’s about their appearance:  “I’m not…young enough, pretty enough, thin enough…” to be worthy of receiving unconditional love and acceptance from those I care about.

For me and others, it’s about our performance: “I didn’t go to the gym.  I didn’t get an A.  I didn’t win the competition.  I didn’t put on the perfect birthday party for my child.”  Therefore, I suck.

The truth is, your inherent value doesn’t increase or decrease with age, beauty, fitness level, accomplishments, job productivity or salary.

As minister Joel Osteen, puts it, “You are the apple of God’s eye” simply because you exist. If you are alive on planet earth, you are enough.  In fact, you are PRICELESS.  Otherwise, you are claiming that only the pretty, thin, A Students, celebrities and sports stars are worthy of God’s love, their own self-love and the approval of people whose opinion matters. What about the rest of us, then?

As the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently said, we should not be judged by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character.  He didn’t say we should be judged by our achievements either!

So if you long to take a little break from your pursuit of success to just float in the pool from time to time, do what your heart calls you to do.  When you are working, give it your 100% BEST…. And when you occasionally need to relax and recharge, allow yourself to REALLY enjoy and be fully present to it, without guilt or shame.  Schedule adequate time for both work and play and you CAN have it all.

I urge you to make this your daily mantra: “I am not my job title or accomplishments.  I am whole, complete and perfect, just as I am. I am the apple of God’s eye and I am ENOUGH.”

IMPORTANT NOTE: The blog will be on vacation for the next two weekends while Rick and I relax and recharge ourselves with a little stay-cation.  A Cup of Caroll will return after Labor Day with a brand new post on Sunday, September 8.   I hope YOU enjoy the last sweet moments of summer with your loved ones too!

If you would like your own F.R.E.E. subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.

****************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION on making them a reality, email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

Take Time to Recharge – Blog 346

August 4, 2019

 “I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything…at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.” – Dan Millman in Stress is a Choice

 Having just finished my third annual Prosperity Summer Camp course at the end of July and taking on nine new private coaching clients in the past several weeks, I have been running hard all summer. While I am very grateful to be doing this fulfilling work for a living, I must admit to feeling a bit depleted physically and mentally right now.

Sitting here in my office on a beautiful summer afternoon, with a blog to write and a long to-do list of paperwork and chores to finish over the weekend, my thought just now was “My battery could really use some re-charging!”  Many of my readers who are consultants in the same network marketing company have just finished up an intense and exciting July. So, I thought maybe many of my cherished readers might relate to this topic now, too.  Here is a lightly-edited blog from several years ago:

April 26, 2015

“Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself.  Give yourself peace of mind.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve delight.” – Mark Victor Hansen

 You may recall that one of my suggestions for “How to Beat Burnout” (see blog #188 if you missed it) was to take at least one full day off each week and one entire weekend off each month.

If you find it challenging to imagine creating that much “recharging” time for yourself, I understand.  It’s challenging for me too.  There always seems to be plenty of paperwork, errands and projects to tackle on the two days a week I don’t have coaching clients. But I am striving to walk my talk and take regular time off to rest and re-charge my mind, body and spirit so I can be a more effective Personal Success Coach for my clients, a more attentive and loving wife to my husband, and a happier, more fulfilled ME to myself.

No matter how diligently we try to keep up, the chores will always be there. Trust me, the world will keep spinning if you unplug from them for a few hours a week. Isn’t it more important to nurture yourself and your personal relationships than to have a spotless house or completely orderly office?

I’ve learned to prioritize and do the weekly “musts” like writing this blog first, and then if I also manage to knock off a couple of the “would be nice” chores each week, that’s a plus that makes me feel EVEN better.  What really makes me feel happy and balanced is spending a few hours each week reading, relaxing, enjoying good meals with my husband and watching good television. We also make it a point to go out on a weekly date night and enjoy a “Big Kids’ Play Day” once or twice a month with our annual passes to Disneyland.

Here are four specific suggestions that I know for certain will have a very positive effect on your personal relationships and your mental, emotional and physical well-being IF you follow them: 

Be fully present. “Haste makes waste,” is accurate. If you focus 100% of your attention on what you are doing, you will do a better job in less time. You may think regular multi-tasking is a time-saver, but it actually makes you chronically half-present in your life. You half-understand what you hear and read, and are emotionally half-present with the people you are with. If you aren’t giving your projects, conversations and reading your full attention, you will eventually miss something critical that will lead to misunderstanding and/or having to completely re-do a task. One of my clients was dismayed when her five-year-old child recently asked her, “Mommy, why are you always in a hurry?” It’s not the amount of time you spend with them, but the quality of your undivided attention, that makes your loved ones feel that you care about them.

Be mindful in your health habits. Obesity studies show that people who eat slowly and savor their food, instead of shoveling it in mindlessly while watching television or working at their desk, consistently consume fewer calories. Taking time to prepare dinner and eat it with your loved ones most evenings will benefit your family relationships, as well as your waistline. Similarly, in your exercise routine, if you do your running, Pilates, yoga poses or weight lifting mindfully with proper form, your muscles will respond faster and avoid injury.

Get enough sleep. The late evening hours when the kids are in bed may seem like the ONLY time you have to get your own tasks done or just collapse on the couch in front of the TV or on social media.  However the price of sleep deprivation is very high, including stubborn weight gain, emotional and mental stress and a compromised immune system. Falling asleep at the wheel or a tired driver’s slowed response time are now said to cause as many deadly accidents as drunk drivers.

If you discipline yourself to go to bed even 30 minutes earlier on weeknights, it will pay off in greater mental acuity, emotional control, and physical health. Back-lit screens like TV, computers and e-readers have been shown to interfere with your brain’s ability to wind down and let you fall asleep and stay asleep.  Exercising too close to bedtime can keep you awake too. Make the last 30-60 minutes of your evening a quiet time to meditate, converse with your partner or read an enjoyable paper book.

Unplug from your devices as often as possible. 84% of smart phone owners use their device while watching TV. Many people are tethered to electronics 24/7. “If you’re with your children and checking your phone all the time, the message to them is ‘Anyone in the world is more important than you,’” says Tanya Shevitz, a spokesperson for Reboot, a nonprofit organization dedicated to reinvigorating Jewish culture for a modern world.

Orthodox Jews refrain from business transactions, writing, driving, gardening, shopping, laundry and other tasks from sunset Friday to sunset Saturday, spending time focused on God and their loved ones. But you don’t have to unplug from the internet and your phone just for religious reasons. “Embracing the sensual pleasures of life – having a special meal, lighting candles, having conversations where we really listen to others and listen to what our souls are trying to say to us…is rejuvenating when we give ourselves a day of rest once a week,” Shevitz suggests.

If you commit to making even one small change in one or more of these areas and stick with it, you will begin to create a more balanced, healthy, happy and fulfilling life for yourself and those you love.

And don’t you deserve that delight?

IMPORTANT NOTE: In keeping with the message of this blog, A Cup of Caroll will be taking next weekend off and will return on Sunday August 18.

If you or your friends would like your own free subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com  and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top. Your name and email will be kept 100% confidential and will not be used by anyone else for any purpose.

 ****************** You Can Fulfill Your Dreams! ********************

 To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com

 

 

 

 

Let the Encouragement Flow – Blog 345

July 28, 2019

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou’s powerful quote is one of my all-time favorites – a constant reminder to be kind, to be an encourager, to lift people up instead of putting them in their place or trying to prove that you are right and they are wrong.

When I saw it again this past week, I decided to share this updated blog from three years ago with my cherished readers.  I hope it spurs you to make a difference in another’s life, just when they may need it the most.

July 31, 2016

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

One of my favorite free daily quote services is WalkTheTalk.com. I highly recommend subscribing to this F*R*E*E daily dose of good news and inspiration. Today’s post contained a link to a beautiful, inspiring short video about the power of acknowledgment, which I provide at the end of this blog.

A startling statistic is that 25% of good employees who voluntarily leave their jobs cite lack of appreciation as the reason they quit.  Can you imagine? What were their bosses thinking?!

I learned the secret a long time ago, which this video reinforces, that every human being craves appreciation. We all want to be seen, known and validated for who we are.  If you want to experience the great feeling of rapport, affinity and harmony with another human being – a Team member, boss, spouse, co-worker, in-law, etc. — give them a sincere acknowledgment, expressing appreciation for what they have done or simply who they are being.  You will make an instant friend.

Today, I got a lovely acknowledgment from someone who told me exactly how my coaching had made a difference for her and it touched me deeply.  I had done a complimentary coaching session with her over a year ago.  Now, even the greatest coach can’t turn someone’s life around in just one hour, but ALL of us can listen closely to someone, validate them, encourage them, and leave them loving themselves and believing in themselves just a little bit more.

During our long-ago hour together, I listened closely to what she shared about her difficult circumstances, and acknowledged her for her will to triumph in the face of the adversity she had been through – for never giving up. I also suggested she read The Power by Rhonda Byrne and check out professional therapy to help her begin to turn around a bad situation and create the life she deserved.  Lastly, I told her the door was always open to call me again anytime.

I didn’t hear from her for another year and a half.  Today, we had a follow-up session and to my absolute delight, I discovered that her life has completely transformed since we last spoke.  She is now ready to take her life to another level, and we are going to partner in coaching to do just that.

While I am thrilled to have her as a client, that wasn’t the best part of the call for me.  The best part was at the end, when she said, “I want to acknowledge YOU, Caroll.  My life has come so far since our session over a year ago.  What you recommended worked great for me.  My new career, my health, strength and my happy family all have come out of that!  Things are really falling into place for me and I know I’m on my way.  You are a blessing in my life!”

Do you think that made my day?  Heck it made my MONTH!  It was amazing to think that I had made such a big difference for another human being, simply by listening to her, acknowledging her, and telling her I believed in her. That’s what we coaches live for!

 And that’s why at the start of every coaching call, I always ask my clients to tell me what they are most proud of and want to be acknowledged for at that moment.  At first, it can be embarrassing, even painful, for some people to claim their worth out loud.  But, after a few more sessions, if we ever get too far into the call before I ask, even those who always squirm the most will interrupt me with, “Hey, aren’t you going to ask me what I want to be acknowledged for?”

I urge you to make at least one other human being’s day EVERY day by acknowledging and appreciating them. It will make them – and you — feel wonderful! (For extra credit, try it on someone who is usually negative or grumpy and see what happens!)

I will leave you with this wonderful post from my favorite positive-thought preacher, Joel Osteen, who is known for encouraging people to believe that more GOOD is on its way to them and their BEST days are still ahead:

“When you see someone who is struggling, a coworker who is discouraged, a friend who is not up to par, how do you respond?  Our words can be what keep a person going; our compliments can put a spring back in their step.  Now more than ever, we need to automatically let the encouragement flow.  We need to tell others how much we love them, how we value them, and tell them that they are talented and creative.  Always remember, with your words you carry life-giving water.  You carry hope, healing, encouragement and new beginnings, and you can pour it out everywhere you go.  Today, choose to speak encouragement.  Choose to speak victory and faith into others’ lives.  Instead of telling people what they’re doing wrong, instead of pointing out all their faults, find what they are doing right.  Focus on the good.  There are already enough critical, judgmental people in the world.  Let’s be people who lift others up and restore them.”

P.S. Watch this four-minute video on the importance of acknowledging and appreciating others. Click or copy and paste it into your browser and I hope it makes YOUR day: http://www.flickspire.com/m/WalkTheTalk/WhileYouCan

NOTE: If you would like your own F*R*E*E* subscription to receive A Cup of Caroll three Sundays a month, just go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.  Your name and email will be kept 100% confidential and will not be used by anyone else for any other purpose.

****************** You Can Fulfill Your Dreams! ********************

To schedule a no-obligation F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com.

 

 

Lessons from Dad – Blog 341

June 16, 2019

 Happy Father’s Day in the USA!  I gratefully acknowledge everyone who is a father or who acts as a role model/mentor for someone else. The influence of a strong, positive role model on a young child is one of life’s most precious gifts, and those heroes don’t always get the credit they deserve for fulfilling this challenging role.

 I was originally planning to take this week off from writing the blog, to give me time to celebrate my upcoming birthday and prepare for this week’s training in the third annual Prosperity Summer Camp webinar series. But since today is Father’s Day, I decided to re-post a tribute to fathers everywhere that I last published in 2016 and share with my many new readers the invaluable life lessons that my own wonderful father taught me.

(I dedicate this blog to my own Big Bro, who is the father of six wonderful men and women and grandfather to five amazing grandchildren – Much love from your Lil Sis!)

 June 19, 2016

 “Love life, engage in it, give it all you’ve got.  Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.” – Maya Angelou

This quote from the late, great Maya Angelou perfectly describes the way my Dad lived his life.  Although his years on earth were far too short, he lived each of them with maximum gusto and I am quite sure he had no regrets when he died suddenly at age 57, right at the beginning of my senior year of high school.

My mother was my source of unconditional love, whatever minor discipline I needed, and the usual “always wear clean underwear for the ambulance” practical advice.

My father was my playmate, teacher, walking thesaurus/dictionary/encyclopedia, and my #1 Role Model.  I don’t remember him talking to me directly about rules to live by. Instead, he just lived his life on his own terms and I learned how I wanted to live mine by observing how he did it.

Here are the key Rules for Abundant Living that I got from observing the happiness and fulfillment my Dad derived from living by them himself:

• Be happy – Other than the day President Kennedy was assassinated, when I saw him cry for the first time, my Dad was invariably optimistic, cheerful and humorous. He loved to laugh at and tell jokes (especially bad puns), watched all the 60s comedy TV shows with me, and could find the hidden humor or irony in any problem. From him, I decided that hanging out with happy, positive people is the only way to go!  While I got my inclination to worry from my mother, I got my sense of humor from my father.  Guess which trait has helped me more in life?

• Be curious – My Dad was the most insatiable life-long learner I’ve ever known. He never passed by a used bookstore without buying something.  He left behind boxes of notebooks and reading materials on everything from Elizabethan poetry to paranormal science.  It’s too bad he didn’t live into the Internet Age because he would have spent hours Googling everything.  He taught me how great it could be to know a little bit about a lot of things (which led a high school English teacher to dub me a “Renaissance Woman”). Dad never pontificated about his own views, but sought to learn from others’ opinions. His attitude set me up for career success because coaching requires more listening than talking, being curious instead of judgmental, and having a wide variety of resources at my fingertips to support my clients’ needs.

• Be creative – My Dad was one of the most creative problem-solvers I’ve ever known. He was an amateur inventor who came up with what he believed was a breakthrough system for teaching reading that was better than phonics. Unfortunately, he died before he got to finish it. My Dad taught me to stretch my imagination and ingenuity with his homemade inventions, like a teeter-totter I could play on all by myself, consisting of a long board balanced on an old oil drum and weighted on the other side with bricks that were equal to my weight. (This was in the days before “helicopter parenting” and Cal OSHA, you understand.)

• Be of service – By Dad’s example, I learned that while life can be enjoyable when we meet our own needs, it can be truly fulfilling only when we help others meet their needs. He voluntarily gave up a lucrative professorship at the University of California to teach at a community college where he felt he could make a bigger difference teaching remedial English to working adults striving to improve their lives.

Dad took a personal interest in Mrs. Edwards, an elderly widow in his night school class who wanted to improve her English. One day he hitched a trailer to our station wagon and filled it with boxes of hand-me-down clothes and a used refrigerator. Then my parents, Mrs. Edwards and I drove from Orange County to Tecate, Mexico to give her extended family these precious gifts.  I was just eight, but I still remember what the dirt-floored, one-room adobe shack smelled like, with all the flies buzzing about. I am certain those strangers never forgot my Dad’s generosity.

Looking back, our relationship reminds me a lot of the bond between Atticus Finch and his young daughter, Scout, in To Kill a Mockingbird.  Like Atticus, my Dad was older when I was born, so we didn’t do much physical play together; our father-daughter bond was more spiritual and mental. And luckily for me, like Atticus, my father demonstrated by his daily life exactly how to be self-confident and stand up for one’s principles, while remaining respectful of the different abilities, lifestyles and opinions of others.

In short, Prof. Harbison Parker was my #1 Role Model for how to “love life, engage in it and give it all you’ve got.” And I feel blessed to be his daughter.

PLEASE NOTE: The blog is taking next Sunday off.  It’s my birthday!  A Cup of Caroll will return with a new blog on Sunday June 30.

If you or your friends would like your own F*R*E*E* subscription to receive this blog three Sundays a month, just go to http://practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top to enter your name and email.

 *************** Give Yourself the Gift of Dreams Fulfilled******************

To schedule a no-obligation, F*R*E*E* hour of phone coaching that will help you clarify your Big Goals and get you into ACTION to make them a reality, please email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com TODAY!